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Common human skills or soft skills required for a successful marriage that is uncommon.

by with No Comment Happy Marriage

I recently had an interview for a new role, and I had to prepare for it within the same organisation. Part of my preparation was a mock interview. During the mock interview, I found out listing my hard skills, i.e., core competencies needed for the role, was great, but mentioning my soft skills or human skills as I would like to call them was essential. A successful accountant with no interpersonal skill may not be victorious over another competent accountant who works as a local scout, guide, or club volunteer. The volunteering role reveals more human skills they may not even mention, such as working in a team, resilience, collaboration, patience etc.  Why am I making this analogy? A partner that does not have the right human skills or soft skills will never make an excellent spouse in marriage. 

A partner that does not have the right human skills or soft skills will never make an excellent spouse in marriage.

Let me attempt to list some of the hard skills we require for marriage: a hardworking partner, a financially stable spouse, a good-looking spouse, a partner who can cook, clean, make the home pleasant, a loving spouse, etc. Here are some soft or human skills that we may not necessarily capture while dating: a forgiving spouse, a kind partner, a God-fearing person, a self-sacrificing being, a person with conscience etc., non-judgemental, unable to keep malice, peace-loving and conscientious person. 

1 Corinthians 13:4-8 tells us some soft skills, especially when in love, failing to check what love means. 

Love is patient and kind.

Love is not jealous or boastful or proud, or rude.

Love does not demand its own way.

Love is not irritable.

Love keeps no record of being wronged.

Love does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out.

Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.

Prophecy and speaking in unknown languages and special knowledge will become useless.

But love will last forever!

I wonder how many people consciously consider these while dating or lookout for these attitudes in their prospective partner? We often give in to our spouse’s demands and forget to check if they give in to our demands, especially when we are in love. Many people ignored the red flags and never checked if our partner’s love for us meets the above criteria. Many spouses have shown impatience, lack of compassion, injustice, and angry outbursts, yet we overlook those thinking they love us and will not act that way.

We should marry someone with the necessary hard skills, but I have found a partner with these soft skills even more pertinent.

We should marry someone with the necessary hard skills, but I have found a partner with these soft skills even more pertinent. A gentle and kind spouse who may not have financial capacity can become successful tomorrow. A successful, wealthy, and callous spouse will not suddenly become soft and kind except, by some miracle, to meet Jesus, surrendered, and become a new person.

Just as recruiters are aware and look out for soft skills over hardcore knowledge, we must teach the next generation of people going into marriage to check for human skills in their partner.

Are you sure you know the attributes required to be a great spouse?

Good marriages don’t fall from heaven; they are heaven made on earth.

Please let me know in the comment if you are blessed.

I am a certified SYMBIS ASSESSMENT facilitator, and I would love to help you start your marriage right if you are getting married soon. If you are already married, I can also help you enrich your marriage by helping you and your partner understand how your personalities mesh. Saving Your Marriage Before IT Starts (SYMBIS) is a research-based questionnaire that couples take individually. We will generate a comprehensive report which I will help you unpack as your facilitator.

Research has shown that the couple who took the assessment reduced the divorce rate by 31%, saving one-third of couples whose marriage could have ended in divorce. Still, because they took the assessment, they were well prepared and avoided pitfalls while maximising the full potential of their relationships. 

Would you mind clicking the link below to learn more about SYMBIS and how you can take the assessment and start enjoying your marriage? Take Symbis Assessment

Over 1,000,000 couples and 100,000 pastors and counsellors cannot be wrong: SYMBIS is the most widely used pre-marital assessment in existence. SYMBIS+ is excellent for already married couples.

What SYMBIS does is nothing short of revolutionary – Gary Chapman author of The Five Love Languages 

Please let me know if you are blessed, by liking the post, share and comment.

Are you longing for inspiration for your life and marriage? Learning new skills and acquiring knowledge can greatly improve your relationship with your spouse. When you know better, you can do better and make a big difference in your relationship. Subscribe to updates from Abi here!

Abi Apalara loves sharing insightful information that helps couples flourish in life and their marriage relationship. I have enjoyed both good marital pleasures and challenging times in my marriage. I came to realise, the points where I missed it, were areas I lacked information on how to.

Making it up along the way, only meant I was going the wrong way. Desperately seeking to get back into marital bliss, I started exploring and reading about those areas of challenge. I also reached out to counselors and began to see what I was missing.
After a surprising move into relationship study, I have found peace of mind and happy with my marriage. I have authored the book Are you ready? Marriage expectation versus realty to share my experience and encourage men and women to work on their
marriages, by seeking knowledge and apply it to their marriage relationship.


My latest book, Are you ready? Marriage expectation versus reality focuses on discovering some of the unrealistic expectations we bring into a marriage. It comes with practical advice and a guide on how to get it right before and after getting married. You can also preorder the book here

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Can Mercy and Grace Make Marriages Merry?

by with No Comment Happy MarriageUncategorized

A few months ago, I told my children “No more snacks” because they ate up the snacks I bought within a week. My thought was the snacks would last up to a month. Am I sure some people can relate to this! However, before I knew it, we were in the shop again, buying more snacks. Parents have a way of forgiving and being merciful to their children. The word mercy is defined as “compassion or forgiveness shown towards someone who is within one’s power to punish or harm” or simply “not getting what you deserve”. God is a compassionate father, and if you and I should get the reward of what we deserve, undoubtedly no one will get to heaven. God didn’t want anyone to perish, hence He paid the price and forgave us all our past, present, and future sins. 

We cannot love like our father in heaven without developing an attitude of Mercy and compassion towards our spouse.

Many people do not fully understand the concept of Mercy in marriage. We cannot love like our father in heaven without developing an attitude of Mercy and compassion towards our spouse. Some people have read or come across people who have no concept of compassion or Mercy. Psychologists refer to such beings as having narcissistic personalities. They cannot feel sympathy or empathy towards someone else, their belief is in punishment, and see to it that they avenge themselves. What you give is what you get with these types of people, yet the astonishing thing is some of these people claim to be Christians. They pray and fast and cry out to God for Mercy, and they get no result: they are unforgiving and unable to extend the Grace and Mercy they desire. 

Any marriage or relationship where Mercy does not prevail will struggle with resolving conflict quickly.

Any marriage or relationship where Mercy does not prevail will struggle with resolving conflict quickly. As Christians, we must learn to put on the attitude of Mercy and grace; some couples do not reconcile quickly or ever at all, because one or both wants to avenge or revenge. Judgment and no mercy is what they crave. Mercy comes from a Hebrew word that means womb. The womb protects the baby inside it. A merciful spouse is concerned about protecting their partner and marriage and less concerned about self-preservation. A mother cares more for the baby in her womb and goes through the many changes to her body and the risks associated with birthing a baby. Her main concern while pregnant is the safe delivery of that baby. God has shown as a father we can be compassionate just as mothers are compassionate, it is not gender specific. Compassionate people care and protect their families; they show Mercy which result into happy and joyful marriages. 

A merciful spouse is concerned about protecting their partner and marriage and less concerned about self-preservation.

How merciful are you towards your spouse? Do you desire a happy marriage? Have you considered being merciful? You may have the power to control, dominate and hurt people because of your position in your marriage, but you don’t have to choose that path. Bind mercy and truth to your neck and see how graceful, beautiful, and loving you will become. 

Be merciful as your father in heaven is merciful. Shalom.

Good marriages don’t fall from heaven; they are heaven made on earth.

Please let me know in the comment if you are blessed.

I am a certified SYMBIS ASSESSMENT facilitator, and I would love to help you start your marriage right if you are getting married soon. If you are already married, I can also help you enrich your marriage by helping you and your partner understand how your personalities mesh. Saving Your Marriage Before IT Starts (SYMBIS) is a research-based questionnaire that couples take individually. We will generate a comprehensive report which I will help you unpack as your facilitator.

Research has shown that the couple who took the assessment reduced the divorce rate by 31%, saving one-third of couples whose marriage could have ended in divorce. Still, because they took the assessment, they were well prepared and avoided pitfalls while maximising the full potential of their relationships. 

Would you mind clicking the link below to learn more about SYMBIS and how you can take the assessment and start enjoying your marriage? Take Symbis Assessment

Over 1,000,000 couples and 100,000 pastors and counsellors cannot be wrong: SYMBIS is the most widely used pre-marital assessment in existence. SYMBIS+ is excellent for already married couples.

What SYMBIS does is nothing short of revolutionary – Gary Chapman author of The Five Love Languages 

Please let me know if you are blessed, by liking the post, share and comment.

Are you longing for inspiration for your life and marriage? Learning new skills and acquiring knowledge can greatly improve your relationship with your spouse. When you know better, you can do better and make a big difference in your relationship. Subscribe to updates from Abi here!

Abi Apalara loves sharing insightful information that helps couples flourish in life and their marriage relationship. I have enjoyed both good marital pleasures and challenging times in my marriage. I came to realise, the points where I missed it, were areas I lacked information on how to.

Making it up along the way, only meant I was going the wrong way. Desperately seeking to get back into marital bliss, I started exploring and reading about those areas of challenge. I also reached out to counselors and began to see what I was missing.
After a surprising move into relationship study, I have found peace of mind and happy with my marriage. I have authored the book Are you ready? Marriage expectation versus realty to share my experience and encourage men and women to work on their
marriages, by seeking knowledge and apply it to their marriage relationship.


My latest book, Are you ready? Marriage expectation versus reality focuses on discovering some of the unrealistic expectations we bring into a marriage. It comes with practical advice and a guide on how to get it right before and after getting married. You can also preorder the book here

abi_daily(189)

How Bonded is your Holy Marriage

by with No Comment Happy Marriage

A godly marriage is a holy bond between the couples and God as a witness. Christian marriages are a Holy Bond, and that does not disqualify or minimise other marriages. However, if you’ve asked God to be a witness between you and your spouse, you have entered a covenant of marriage as a holy bond. Why is that so, you may want to ask? Our God is holy; hence this principle will not apply to all marriages but to those who entered a sacred marriage. 

A godly marriage is a holy bond between the couples and God as a witness.

Many marriages are not as strong as God intended them to be; some couples have loosened their marital bond by emotional, physical and mental separation. Some people wonder why God has not answered their prayers even though they want a happy marriage but find themselves struggling. The reason is in God’s word, the Holy Bible: Ecclesiastes 4:12 – One standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer; three is even better, for a triple-braided cord is not quickly broken (TLB). Couples who invite and honour God in their marriage form a threefold cord that is not quickly broken. 

Couples who invite and honour God in their marriage form a threefold cord that is not quickly broken. 

God has given us all that pertains to life and Godliness in His Word; without leaving and cleaving, husband and wife are in danger of the inability to bond and weave into each other. Also, without fear, reverence, and honour of God in a marriage, couples leave room for the God strand to go loose in their marriage. Holy matrimony is a sacred bond between a husband and his wife with God as a witness, and the third cord is needed to make this bond strong. 

When spouses do not get this foundation right, they begin to loosen the bond in their marriage: the first step can be subtle, such as refusing to follow God’s law about marriage, lack of joint fellowship such as praying together, fasting, and serving God together. It is vital and critical that couples guard their relationship with God together intentionally. The enemy cannot penetrate efficiently couples who are alert and have made God their fortress. 

The enemy cannot penetrate efficiently couples who are alert and have made God their fortress.

The laws of marriage are simple yet easily ignored by many couples. One of the laws of marriage is – Husband loves your wife as Christ loved the church. When a husband decides to love his wife as Christ loved the church, no measure of sin is unforgivable. 

When a woman obeys the laws of Marriage as God required: to submit to her husband, it will not be a complicated matter to serve and honour her husband, and abuse will not occur when both partners fear the Lord. All we need for a holy marriage is simple and easy, but like salvation, many ignore it and find themselves outside of God’s will. 

A holy marriage honours God and will not be easily broken. 

We must therefore keep in mind the three strands of a strong, Godly and happy marriage are: 

1. A guarded relationship with God together as a couple. We must never allow separation of our union with God first and foremost. 

2. A resolution by both spouses to obey Gods law of love and submission is not a matter of chicken and egg but a request of both partners to obey God.

3. A firm commitment to leave and cleave to each other and God; this ensures the threefold cord is maintained and remain bonded and stronger. 

We must remember the enemy’s trick is to initiate division subtly first; once you allow him a foot in, he will create a gorge before you know it. Even in intense moments of fellowship, as some refer to the ever-present married couple arguments, make sure you do not allow separation of any form. A holy marriage honours God and will not be easily broken. 

How closely knit are you, your spouse and your God? 

Good marriages don’t fall from heaven; they are heaven made on earth.

Please let me know in the comment if you are blessed.

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Marriage has two sides, Beautiful and Ugly: which side are you facing and nurturing?

by with No Comment Happy Marriage

I love collecting British coins because, on the flip side of some of the coins, there are images worth much more than the face value of each currency. Rare Brexit 50p coins with the words: Peace, Prosperity, and Friendship with all nations 2020 written on the side are listed for £15,000 online. Now, if you and I have this 50p coin and never looked at the other side before exchanging it for a 50p sweet, what a treasure we forfeit, if we did look at the other side of the coin, which my daughter is much obsessed with now, we could have a deposit for a house. 

You have treasure on the other side of your spouse that you are missing if you fail to consider both sides of their coin.

Therefore, why am I sharing this illustration with you as a single unmarried person or married couple? You have treasure on the other side of your spouse that you are missing if you fail to consider both sides of their coin. Likewise, if you see only the ugly side of your spouse and decide not to consider looking at the other beautiful side, you probably deny and cheat yourself of the joys of marriage. If you are seeing the beautiful side of your partner and you are not prepared to face their ugly side when the coin flips, you are also setting yourself up for disappointment and resentment. I am so amazed when people approach marriage as a fairy-tale or a madhouse view only. Marriage is a combination of good and evil; it is our choice to nurture the excellent side and continuously reduce the ability of the nasty side to take over our beautiful marriage.

I am so amazed when people approach marriage as a fairy-tale or a madhouse view only.

I want you to list the good attributes you found in your spouse when you decided to marry them, also list the irritating characteristics you found initially. Still, you accepted and thought you would live by or, if you are those living in fairy-tale land, assumed you would change. Oh no, you cannot change another person’s make-up or mindset; you can influence people, which is done by showing them much love, being a good leader and accepting people as they are. It is the love and care we offer that move people to change behaviours. Also, some people believe they know what is good and what is wrong. Yes, there are standard moral codes, but most of the attributes that irritate our relationships are different views. We must be prepared to accept other people’s points of view. 

…most of the attributes that irritate our relationships are different views.

For instance, the standard of cleanliness in someone’s house may be different from my house, depending on who and how we were brought up. Consider people doing cleaning jobs and clean other people’s homes, they will likely have a higher standard of cleanliness than those who probably work in the construction industry where they are covered in dust all day long. Noticing a speck of dust at home for a construction expert is probably not going to be a deal-breaker, yet for another spouse who works in a cleaning company, a speck of dust is a deal-breaker. Therefore, we must check why we are easily angered or irritated at the way of life of our partner, we must understand our difference, they as the spice of life, and we must do our best to accommodate other people’s points of view.

… we must do our best to accommodate other people’s points of view.

So, what will you do differently today? Are you going to consider the other side of the coin of your spouse? Are you going to be flexible and be prepared to have a broad mind and love your spouse irrespective of your different points of view? If you choose to accept and love yourself and your spouse, you will enjoy the beautiful side of marriage more than the ugly side.

Great marriages don’t fall from heaven; they are heaven made on earth.

I am a certified SYMBIS ASSESSMENT facilitator, and I would love to help you start your marriage right if you are getting married soon. If you are already married, I can also help you enrich your marriage by helping you and your partner understand how your personalities mesh. Saving Your Marriage Before IT Starts (SYMBIS) is a research-based questionnaire that couples take individually. We will generate a comprehensive report which I will help you unpack as your facilitator.

Research has shown that the couple who took the assessment reduced the divorce rate by 31%, saving one-third of couples whose marriage could have ended in divorce. Still, because they took the assessment, they were well prepared and avoided pitfalls while maximising the full potential of their relationships. 

Would you mind clicking the link below to learn more about SYMBIS and how you can take the assessment and start enjoying your marriage? Take Symbis Assessment

Over 1,000,000 couples and 100,000 pastors and counsellors cannot be wrong: SYMBIS is the most widely used pre-marital assessment in existence. SYMBIS+ is excellent for already married couples.

What SYMBIS does is nothing short of revolutionary – Gary Chapman author of The Five Love Languages 

Please let me know if you are blessed, by liking the post, share and comment.

Are you longing for inspiration for your life and marriage? Learning new skills and acquiring knowledge can greatly improve your relationship with your spouse. When you know better, you can do better and make a big difference in your relationship. Subscribe to updates from Abi here!

Abi Apalara loves sharing insightful information that helps couples flourish in life and their marriage relationship. I have enjoyed both good marital pleasures and challenging times in my marriage. I came to realise, the points where I missed it, were areas I lacked information on how to.

Making it up along the way, only meant I was going the wrong way. Desperately seeking to get back into marital bliss, I started exploring and reading about those areas of challenge. I also reached out to counselors and began to see what I was missing.
After a surprising move into relationship study, I have found peace of mind and happy with my marriage. I have authored the book Are you ready? Marriage expectation versus realty to share my experience and encourage men and women to work on their
marriages, by seeking knowledge and apply it to their marriage relationship.


My latest book, Are you ready? Marriage expectation versus reality focuses on discovering some of the unrealistic expectations we bring into a marriage. It comes with practical advice and a guide on how to get it right before and after getting married. You can also preorder the book here

abi_daily(180)

Connecting Love and Leadership in Marriage: Do you get that right?

by with No Comment Happy Marriage

Who wants to be a leader? Everyone would like to be a leader, and somehow, we are all leaders, albeit in various capacities and positions. A leader shows the way and influences their followers. For example, Jesus Christ is our leader as Christians; the early disciples were called Christians initially because they had the influence and fragrance of Christ. A husband is the leader of the marriage, his wife and children. Both husband and wife are the leaders of their family; both spouses will influence children and they will follow their leading. Therefore, leadership exist in various forms, and it is one of the areas most people forget to develop or consider in life and marriage. Leadership is influence, and it is very different from management. A leader is different from a boss because a boss wants the job done, while a leader seeks to influence and empower people to make their own decision, do their work without being forced or coerced. We often do not focus on love when we address leadership, whether at home, work, or in the world generally.

A leader shows the way and influences their followers.

However, looking through history, the most outstanding leaders sacrificed their lives to help their followers. They laid down their lives, comfort and freedom so that many other people can be free, fulfilled and empowered. Our most extraordinary and unrivalled example is Jesus Christ, our Lord. He gave up His throne in heaven and became one of us. He washed his disciples’ feet, forgave the sinners, ate with the outcast, healed the lepers, and so many miracles. Famous world leaders like Nelson Mandela, Dr Martin Luther King and Mahatma Gandhi gave up their lives and freedom to lead others to victory. Any attempt at leading without love and sacrifice is nothing short of a clanging cymbal, irrespective of other qualities such as resourcefulness, courage, charisma, self-discipline etc.

Are you a loving leader in your home?

Are you a loving leader in your home? As a spouse, are you leading your partner and children with love or with fear? Some people at home are the lion of the tribe of family. Their disposition is to create fear in the hearts of their partners and children. Research and the Bible have shown that the best and most excellent way to lead is to love the followers. Love is occupied with developing others and bringing out the best in them without fear of feeling less important. Many people think leadership is essential; being puffed up with power, egotistic, and above the law; they believe as a leader they are above everyone else. They can do and undo, and no one may correct or advise them. That is not leadership at all. Some people see leadership as other people-pleasing them, making sure no one else has a voice, and they know it all. 

Love is occupied with developing others and bringing out the best in them without fear of feeling less important.

Leaders are secure; they know they are free but subject themselves to serving and developing their followers. Paul in 2 Corinthians 12:14-15 sums up what it takes to be a leader ” I will mostly spend and be spent for your souls”. 1 Cor. 9:19 “for though I am free from all, I have made myself a servant to all, that I might win more of them”. Leaders are servants, and they do not seek to be served but yearn to serve and bring out the best in others. How are you helping your partner? Are you waiting to be served, or are you serving and giving your all to see your family become great without you feeling less? It is sad to hear of spouses who cannot help their partners or even offer to provide a glass of water because they are the leader of the manor. 

How about our Lord Jesus Christ who created the world and beings, yet he bent down, wrapped a towel around His waist and washed His disciples’ dusty feet! Wow, that is an example every leader must emulate. In our marriages let us become servant leaders, there is much love in serving others and a lot more love when we serve our husbands or wives. 

Great marriages don’t naturally happen; they are created by imperfect couples who refuse to give up on each other and their marriage.

Please let me know if you are blessed, by liking the post, share and comment.

I am a certified SYMBIS ASSESSMENT facilitator, and I would love to help you start your marriage right if you are getting married soon. If you are already married, I can also help you enrich your marriage by helping you and your partner understand how your personalities mesh. Saving Your Marriage Before IT Starts (SYMBIS) is a research-based questionnaire that couples take individually. We will generate a comprehensive report which I will help you unpack as your facilitator.

Research has shown that the couple who took the assessment reduced the divorce rate by 31%, saving one-third of couples whose marriage could have ended in divorce. Still, because they took the assessment, they were well prepared and avoided pitfalls while maximising the full potential of their relationships. 

Would you mind clicking the link below to learn more about SYMBIS and how you can take the assessment and start enjoying your marriage? Take Symbis Assessment

Over 1,000,000 couples and 100,000 pastors and counsellors cannot be wrong: SYMBIS is the most widely used pre-marital assessment in existence. SYMBIS+ is excellent for already married couples. What SYMBIS does is nothing short of revolutionary – Gary Chapman author of The Five Love Languages 

Are you longing for inspiration for your life and marriage? Learning new skills and acquiring knowledge can greatly improve your relationship with your spouse. When you know better, you can do better and make a big difference in your relationship. Subscribe to updates from Abi here!

Abi Apalara loves sharing insightful information that helps couples flourish in life and their marriage relationship. I have enjoyed both good marital pleasures and challenging times in my marriage. I came to realise, the points where I missed it, were areas I lacked information on how to. Making it up along the way, only meant I was going the wrong way. Desperately seeking to get back into marital bliss, I started exploring and reading about those areas of challenge. I also reached out to counsellors and began to see what I was missing.
After a surprising move into relationship study, I have found peace of mind and happy with my marriage. I have authored the book Are you ready? Marriage expectation versus realty to share my experience and encourage men and women to work on their
marriages, by seeking knowledge and apply it to their marriage relationship.

My latest book, Are you ready? Marriage expectation versus reality focuses on discovering some of the unrealistic expectations we bring into a marriage. It comes with practical advice and a guide on how to get it right before and after getting married. You can also preorder the book here

abi_daily(167)

The combined state of individual health of couples is the health of the marriage.

by with No Comment Happy Marriage

As a mother of three beautiful children, I have numerous opportunities to train and influence them at every given opportunity: whether it is crossing the road or cooking together. I constantly use stories, pictures, and scenarios to explain and educate them as they grow. Children learn a lot by watching and getting involved than when we give them theories. Why am I sharing this with you? One of the scenarios I used recently to advise my children about the friends or company they keep affect their outlook in life goes like this.  Mixing ten good eggs and accidentally adding one bad egg into the mix. Indeed, the rotten egg takes over and eventually will contaminate the ten good eggs. Also, adding one good egg will not make the bad eggs good if there are ten rotten eggs in the mix. To get a good egg mixture means we should only add good eggs to the mix.

The overall health of a marriage relationship is a result of the individual health of each partner.

The overall health of a marriage relationship is a result of the individual health of each partner.  It is not uncommon for some emotionally deficient people in love, affirmation, and confidence to want to find these things in their marriages. They may be overly reliant on their partner to make them feel loved, wanted, and desirable. Many couples feed on each other’s emotions and energy, and where one person’s emotional health is not that great, it does have a massive impact on the other partner. When you have emotional baggage as an individual, it is very likely that if not dealt with, you will bleed on people around you and especially your spouse because they can see your weakness and vulnerability that you may overcompensate for outside of the home. 

I do not want to lack or be in a position where I cannot meet my needs, so I am very eager to have a secure financial base.

There are a few touchy points that I could not identify by myself until I was bleeding on my spouse. When it comes to finances, I do not want to lack or be in a position where I cannot meet my needs, so I am very eager to have a secure financial base. I had at some point focused so much on having a safe financial position that I forget to consider the impact of my actions on my family. Having someone talk me through why I wanted financial security so much led me to discover, as a child, I had lacked not because we had no money but due to inadequate financial planning and no protection. Because of my childhood experience, I am very conscious of any financial lack and detest it, and it became my touchy point. Even though my husband and I have a good job and our finances are not bad, I seem to always push for investment and financial security; I want us to meet all our needs and lack nothing. Our finances became a conflict, and it was when I discovered the reasons for my desire for financial security, I was able to ask God to help me have a healthy appetite for financial security. 

it was when I discovered the reasons for my desire for financial security, I was able to ask God to help me have a healthy appetite for financial security

Now that was my personal experience; I was afraid of not meeting my family needs even though I did not lack them at that point. I believe some of you might relate to this if you think deeply about why you hurt so much when someone say something or act in a way that triggers anger in you. 

Couples have many pressure points, which always cause conflict and bring up emotional responses or trigger points. Such include, finance, intimacy, raising and disciplining children, respect and love etc.  People have one emotional baggage or the other; it is the ability to recognise, accept and deal with it without spilling our anger, frustration and rejection over our spouse that will help us live a healthy life. Would you want to look deep and consider your emotional trigger point to see how your past experiences may have contributed to you becoming overly sensitive around a topic? 

For some people who appear to be aggressive, it usually point to a deficit of love; they were never loved or celebrated by their parents, so they get irate when someone else is being celebrated and may not understand why?  They are unable to rejoice or be happy when someone else achieves the best. They want to love but incapable of expressing loving attitudes because they weren’t loved. For others, it is fear of intimacy and the inability to be vulnerable with others. They may have been let down by friends or previous relationships where they were weak, and due to that adverse experience, they become closed and unable to trust their current spouse. They may be overly protectives, secretive and suspicious of their partner. 

They want to love but incapable of expressing loving attitudes because they weren’t loved

Where there is no trust, there can’t be openness or vulnerability, and intimacy will be a mirage. Whatever your touchy point may be, you are not alone, please know that there are so many touchy points in our relationships. Identifying them is the first step, to become aware of areas where we reserve for ourselves and will not allow anyone else to visit that space. The depth and deprivation of emotional issues for some people are scared that they don’t want to explore it. However, we may have to confront our monsters before we can defeat them. 

Where there is no trust, there can’t be openness or vulnerability, and intimacy will be a mirage.

So why not look inwards today? Some people may not be able to look at their emotional baggage themselves; it may take getting support from counsellors and being in a safe space where they can gently explore what haunts them without fear of judgment. I can assure you are not alone; everyone has an issue and area of weakness; willingness to seek help and acceptance will set you free. The word is God is a powerful tool to set us free.

I am a certified SYMBIS ASSESSMENT facilitator, and I would love to help you start your marriage right if you are getting married soon. If you are already married, I can also help you enrich your marriage by helping you and your partner understand how your personalities mesh. Saving Your Marriage Before IT Starts (SYMBIS) is a research-based questionnaire that couples take individually. We will generate a comprehensive report which I will help you unpack as your facilitator.

Research has shown that the couple who took the assessment reduced the divorce rate by 31%, saving one-third of couples whose marriage could have ended in divorce. Still, because they took the assessment, they were well prepared and avoided pitfalls while maximising the full potential of their relationships. 

Would you mind clicking the link below to learn more about SYMBIS and how you can take the assessment and start enjoying your marriage? Take Symbis Assessment

Over 1,000,000 couples and 100,000 pastors and counsellors cannot be wrong: SYMBIS is the most widely used pre-marital assessment in existence. SYMBIS+ is excellent for already married couples.

What SYMBIS does is nothing short of revolutionary – Gary Chapman author of The Five Love Languages 

Please let me know if you are blessed, by liking the post, share and comment.

Are you longing for inspiration for your life and marriage? Learning new skills and acquiring knowledge can greatly improve your relationship with your spouse. When you know better, you can do better and make a big difference in your relationship. Subscribe to updates from Abi here!

Abi Apalara loves sharing insightful information that helps couples flourish in life and their marriage relationship. I have enjoyed both good marital pleasures and challenging times in my marriage. I came to realise, the points where I missed it, were areas I lacked information on how to.

Making it up along the way, only meant I was going the wrong way. Desperately seeking to get back into marital bliss, I started exploring and reading about those areas of challenge. I also reached out to counselors and began to see what I was missing.
After a surprising move into relationship study, I have found peace of mind and happy with my marriage. I have authored the book Are you ready? Marriage expectation versus realty to share my experience and encourage men and women to work on their
marriages, by seeking knowledge and apply it to their marriage relationship.


My latest book, Are you ready? Marriage expectation versus reality focuses on discovering some of the unrealistic expectations we bring into a marriage. It comes with practical advice and a guide on how to get it right before and after getting married. You can also preorder the book here

abi_daily(154)

The Meaning of Marriage: The Excellent Way

by with No Comment Happy Marriage

Recently, my family and I attended a wedding and on the way to her school the following Monday, my daughter commented about the new family and that they have a big family now. I asked her why she made that comment, and we discussed the importance of marriage was not only about having children, but the real value in marriage is companionship. When people get married, they often look forward to having children, and that is a blessing and fruit of marriage; I wish for everyone, but marriage itself is not only for childbearing. Marriage has more to do with having a life partner journey through life’s up and down like a roller coaster. It is so sad when I see marriages ruined and destroyed due to a lack of understanding of the meaning of marriage. 

Marriage has more to do with having a life partner journey through life’s up and down like a roller coaster.

For example, when people divorce due to childlessness, some couples forget to strengthen their friendships and focus on pouring their attention and love on children, thereby neglecting each other. When the children flee the nest, which they will all do, the couple now realises they are no longer friends and have grown apart as they missed the opportunity to deepen their love for each other.

What then is the meaning of marriage, you may ask?

Marriage is a personal relationship that is all-encompassing, all-embracing, a total face to face, person to person experience that transcends all other relationships. It involves two people developing strong feelings for each other; throughout the marriage, the emotions may be both positive and negative, but sure, in the beginning, it is usually upbeat. We have many other personal relationships as humans, but marriage is the primary relationship because it is distinct, sexual, comprehensive, and a permanent relationship. We have relationships with our employers, relationships with friends, relationship as a customer or belonging to religious or social groups. These relationships can be ended at any time by either party, unlike a marriage. All other personal relationships provide us with the much need for affiliation and gratification; research has shown that only in marriage can we have the most satisfaction in life. 

All other personal relationships provide us with the much need for affiliation and gratification; research has shown that only in marriage can we have the most satisfaction in life.

Life consists of several roles within different institutional settings, and every man wants to be relevant in these settings. We have roles to play on religious grounds, e.g. in church, political roles in our communities, economic roles in our corporate jobs and marital roles in our marriage, parental roles in the family and many other parts we play. Out of all these roles, two major ones take a chunk of our time and life, economic or career and marriage/family life. On average, a man spends 40 hours at work and work for forty to fifty years. Asking someone what they do can be the most gratifying question to ask if they are in a good role and earning good income. People are proud to show off their career achievements. The other part that takes our time and energy is our marriage, our family life. A homemaker or husband, for example, would invest all their time and lifetime into the marriage. 

A homemaker or husband, for example, would invest all their time and lifetime into the marriage.

Still, when asked if they are proud housewives or husbands, society may make them feel it is not that important, compared with the unquestionably economic role.  The question is which part is more important, and this is what differentiates the attitude people have toward the meaning of marriage. Yes, early in life, people see economic prominence as more critical and invest more time and energy and too often to the detriment of their marital role. However, research had shown that towards the tail end of life, couples revealed what brings the greatest satisfaction in life: the family relationship ranked highest in a study. The greatest regrets people have on their deathbed are not spending more time making money or working, but I wish I had spent more time with family.

The greatest regrets people have on their deathbed are not spending more time making money or working, but I wish I had spent more time with family.

Even when we evaluate a man or woman primarily by career, it hurts when one hears,” he/she is the most successful employee or politician, but what kind of husband/wife or father/mother is he/she?

Would you consider where your marriage and family life rank on your priority list and what value you attach to it?  From the table below, if the expected source of greatest life satisfaction is family relations, why are people not investing much time and energy in the source of our pleasure? No wonder many people are so disappointed and unhappy with their family life. If research implies 60% of men and 87% of women want satisfaction from family relations, can we check how much time and resources go into our family relationship building? Many people invest very little time and effort into building their marriage and family and are expecting 60% of satisfaction. 

Many people invest very little time and effort into building their marriage and family and are expecting 60% of satisfaction.

Yes, economic activities are essential, but we must carve out time and resources if we want to reap the benefit of marriage.   I urge you today to check and measure the input of resources and time you give to your marriage in contrast to your career. Remember, people’s most significant source of satisfaction is a healthy and beautiful marriage and family life. 

What will it profit is at the end if; you are the best worker or philanthropist but the worst father or mother? 

Table 1 

Expected Source of Greatest Satisfaction in Life Reported by College Men and Women

Expected source of greatest satisfaction MenWomen
Family Relations60%87%
Career31%6%
Leisure time / recreation activities42
Religious belief and activities34
Participation as citizen in community affairs1*
Participation in activities directed toward national or international betterment 11
Number of cases 629407
Source Marriage -Robert O Blood JR.

I am a certified SYMBIS ASSESSMENT facilitator, and I would love to help you start your marriage right if you are getting married soon. If you are already married, I can also help you enrich your marriage by helping you and your partner understand how your personalities mesh. Saving Your Marriage Before IT Starts (SYMBIS) is a research-based questionnaire that couples take individually. We will generate a comprehensive report which I will help you unpack as your facilitator.

Research has shown that the couple who took the assessment reduced the divorce rate by 31%, saving one-third of couples whose marriage could have ended in divorce. Still, because they took the assessment, they were well prepared and avoided pitfalls while maximising the full potential of their relationships. 

Would you mind clicking the link below to learn more about SYMBIS and how you can take the assessment and start enjoying your marriage? Take Symbis Assessment

Over 1,000,000 couples and 100,000 pastors and counsellors cannot be wrong: SYMBIS is the most widely used pre-marital assessment in existence. SYMBIS+ is excellent for already married couples.

What SYMBIS does is nothing short of revolutionary – Gary Chapman author of The Five Love Languages 

Please let me know if you are blessed, by liking the post, share and comment.

Are you longing for inspiration for your life and marriage? Learning new skills and acquiring knowledge can greatly improve your relationship with your spouse. When you know better, you can do better and make a big difference in your relationship. Subscribe to updates from Abi here!

Abi Apalara loves sharing insightful information that helps couples flourish in life and their marriage relationship. I have enjoyed both good marital pleasures and challenging times in my marriage. I came to realise, the points where I missed it, were areas I lacked information on how to.

Making it up along the way, only meant I was going the wrong way. Desperately seeking to get back into marital bliss, I started exploring and reading about those areas of challenge. I also reached out to counselors and began to see what I was missing.
After a surprising move into relationship study, I have found peace of mind and happy with my marriage. I have authored the book Are you ready? Marriage expectation versus realty to share my experience and encourage men and women to work on their
marriages, by seeking knowledge and apply it to their marriage relationship.


My latest book, Are you ready? Marriage expectation versus reality focuses on discovering some of the unrealistic expectations we bring into a marriage. It comes with practical advice and a guide on how to get it right before and after getting married. You can also preorder the book here

abi_daily(147)

4 key Principles to Developing a Successful Marriage

by with No Comment Happy Marriage

Marriage is universal couples worldwide from different cultures and races marry and face the same marital challenges. The divorce rate is not unique to one group of people; it may be skewed in some religions or cultures due to beliefs and other issues such as shaming etc. Nonetheless, marriage is universal, so no couple experiencing challenges is unique. Couples have fought over many issues and divorced; others have fought over the same problems and used them to strengthen the bond of their union. The issues that happen to us are universal; how we handle and react to them greatly depends on our environment, core belief, and determination to succeed out of our marriages. Why do some couples succeed, and others fail in marriage? It is the principles, values, and commitment that they hold fast and true. 

We need to start teaching the basic principles that guide and help relationships become successful.

Some of these principles are easy, but because we have not become aware of them as principles, people often break them and expect their relationships to turn outright still. No, we need to start teaching the basic principles that guide and help relationships become successful. For example, there is the law of gravity that governs our world. Everyone is subject to gravity and breaking the law of gravity means a fall will result. Depending on the height of the fall, the result can be devastating. Now imagine if a head of state decides to fall from a very high place, title and position will not stop the law of gravity. This applies to the rules of love, relationships, respect, and commitment. A spouse cannot break the laws of love and expect to reap the rewards because of title or position. 

We must learn to understand the principles that govern life, make relationships work, and abide by them to maximise our relationships and enjoy marital bliss.

It is incredible and somewhat absurd when I hear some partners say I deserved to be respected or loved even if my behaviours are utterly disrespectful and unloving because I am married to my spouse. We must learn to understand the principles that govern life, make relationships work, and abide by them to maximise our relationships and enjoy marital bliss. Human relationships are complex and varied, so there are many principles, but ultimately, the bible has helped sum them up into two main streams: love your God and love your neighbour as yourself. Let us look at four principles concerning handling conflict and resolving issues in our marriage to develop a successful union. 

Principle 1 – Take it to God first. 

No amount of courtship and dating will prevent misunderstanding between married couples. When misunderstanding happens, our first instinct is to talk to people around us, and if unresolved, we escalate and escalate until we realise, we need to talk to God. People cannot save us; most times, people’s intention to help us resolve issues in our marriage inadvertently hurt our marriages. Husbands and wives must decide to talk to God first, check what the word of God says about the issue you have at hand. The word of God has the best solution to help you and your spouse. I heard many stories of couples who had issues and went to speak to people and misadvised. 

The word of God has the best solution to help you and your spouse.

Even on the social media platforms, I have seen where people seek advice, and they are told to do things that negate the word of God. For example, someone counselled a partner not to have sexual intimacy with the other because that may cause the problem. The word of God says, what God has joined together, let know one put asunder. Yet many people are counselled by family and friends to separate, deny, or starve the other in other to resolve an issue. How many homes have been destroyed by wrongs and counsels that negate the word of God? Please go to God first and ensure counsels given by others are in line with the word of God. We need counsellors, but they must lead us to God. It is better if husbands and wives go to God first. 

Principle 2 – Pray and Fast.

Pray about your problems more than you talk about them. If we can turn every opportunity, we feel like talking about our issues to praying, God will answer. We must also learn to fast from time to time and trust God to intervene. Let husbands and wives stop talking about problems but ask God to help in prayers. If friends ask how they can help, please ask them to pray instead of intervening by talking. 

Principle 3 -Check and align the tenets you are breaking.

Every problem results from a broken principle; therefore, husbands and wives must sit down and consider what code they are breaking. It could be communication, love, or boundaries. The principle of love is the most common principle of marriage couples break and wonder why they have problems. Love covers a multitude of sins. The bible said multitude, meaning many mistakes will happen, but when husbands and wives love each other, it will cover those sins. So, if your marital problems persist, would you want to check how you love your spouse? 

Principle 4 – Marital problem is not unique to you. 

1 Corinthians 10:13, NLT: “The temptations in your life are no different from what others experience. And God is faithful. He will not allow the temptation to be more than you can stand. When you are tempted, he will show you a way out so that you can endure.” This scripture expressly tells us there is no unique problem in any marriage; every single problem any couple is facing now, many other are facing and working it out. Hence there is no problem without solutions, don’t look at your issues as if they are mountains that no one else has crossed. They can and will be surmounted if you are determined and follow Godly principles.

I am a certified SYMBIS ASSESSMENT facilitator, and I would love to help you start your marriage right if you are getting married soon. If you are already married, I can also help you enrich your marriage by helping you and your partner understand how your personalities mesh. Saving Your Marriage Before IT Starts (SYMBIS) is a research-based questionnaire that couples take individually. We will generate a comprehensive report which I will help you unpack as your facilitator.

Research has shown that the couple who took the assessment reduced the divorce rate by 31%, saving one-third of couples whose marriage could have ended in divorce. Still, because they took the assessment, they were well prepared and avoided pitfalls while maximising the full potential of their relationships. 

Would you mind clicking the link below to learn more about SYMBIS and how you can take the assessment and start enjoying your marriage? Take Symbis Assessment

Over 1,000,000 couples and 100,000 pastors and counsellors cannot be wrong: SYMBIS is the most widely used pre-marital assessment in existence. SYMBIS+ is excellent for already married couples.

What SYMBIS does is nothing short of revolutionary – Gary Chapman author of The Five Love Languages 

Please let me know if you are blessed, by liking the post, share and comment.

Are you longing for inspiration for your life and marriage? Learning new skills and acquiring knowledge can greatly improve your relationship with your spouse. When you know better, you can do better and make a big difference in your relationship. Subscribe to updates from Abi here!

Abi Apalara loves sharing insightful information that helps couples flourish in life and their marriage relationship. I have enjoyed both good marital pleasures and challenging times in my marriage. I came to realise, the points where I missed it, were areas I lacked information on how to.

Making it up along the way, only meant I was going the wrong way. Desperately seeking to get back into marital bliss, I started exploring and reading about those areas of challenge. I also reached out to counselors and began to see what I was missing.
After a surprising move into relationship study, I have found peace of mind and happy with my marriage. I have authored the book Are you ready? Marriage expectation versus realty to share my experience and encourage men and women to work on their
marriages, by seeking knowledge and apply it to their marriage relationship.


My latest book, Are you ready? Marriage expectation versus reality focuses on discovering some of the unrealistic expectations we bring into a marriage. It comes with practical advice and a guide on how to get it right before and after getting married. You can also preorder the book here

abi_daily(129)

Understanding Love for a lifetime and demystifying Love

by with No Comment Happy Marriage

I do not know about you, but I love my family. My love for my husband and children will not diminish or waver because of what they do or do not do. I know these are my immediate family, and no matter what happens, these are still my flesh and blood. 

Therefore, when my children annoy me, I may get angry, but never would I withdraw my love because it is a conviction. I cannot undo or decide I did not give birth to them. It is often easier with children and parents love because we know naturally, we cannot undo our connection. However, when it comes to marriage, a spiritual connection of two people becoming one flesh, our bond is not physical, and so it is easier to separate and divorce, of course, tears us apart. Hence spouses who do not understand becoming one flesh is not physical but spiritual can misunderstand the word love. 

Hence spouses who do not understand becoming one flesh is not physical but spiritual can misunderstand the word love.

When a partner does not take marital love as a commitment, they will not love unconditionally, nor will they love when they are not feeling the love. Feelings don’t last forever; euphoric loving feelings tend to last for about two years in a marriage relationship. Those couples who fail to commit unconditional love to their marriage will claim to fall out of love when those euphoric feelings wane. Many people confuse lust with love in relationships and especially marriage. We must Demystify the magical word called love. Love and being loving are phenomenal and intriguing at the same time. 

Many people confuse lust with love in relationships and especially marriage. 

The word love is used daily in many ways. Parents love their children, husband and wife love each other. Men love women, boys love girls, and we love our friends, family and neighbours. In England, a stranger at the shopping till can say, “how can I help you, love? “Hearing the word love used so often and in so many ways can make us lose the real meaning of love. Love has many layers and is categorised into four different types. 

Storge – empathy bond. Philia – friend bond. Eros – romantic love. Agape – unconditional “God” love.

We all must understand the power and purpose of the different types of love and how to use them. 

We all must understand the power and purpose of the different types of love and how to use them.

However, love has the same characteristics and purpose in any form we may choose to show our love. When love hurts or breeds unrighteousness, then it is no longer love but lust. Love gives us lives; the Bible tell of the intimate expression of love in John 3:16. For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten son, that whosoever believe in Him shall not die but have everlasting life. Love is good and does well all the time; the pain that comes with love is sacrifice, but, in the end, it brings life and joy. 

Life-giving experience is a more precise and better way of measuring God’s love.

How would you know if you understand love? Does your love breed life and joy, or is it full of pain and not alive? Life-giving experience is a more precise and better way of measuring God’s love. When Jesus died, He resurrected to give life to many. When a mother goes through delivery pain, it is to give birth to another life. How are you breathing life-giving love into your marriage?

What people often called love comes in two forms, love as feelings and commitment. 

What people often called love comes in two forms, love as feelings and commitment.

Jesus was not feeling good or happy when He was going to the cross for our redemption, but He was committed to redeeming us and obeyed the Father. This is how love works; unfortunately, lust and unrighteousness are what many people associate with love. Sexual sins, immorality and acts of wickedness are not loved but lust. People who fall in love based on feelings but do not decide to love as a commitment, especially in a marriage, fall in love and out of love, and the marriage ends. A strong and committed love is the type of love that sustains successful marriages. Couples must choose to love each other and continue to love each other, whether the feeling is there or not. When you love irrespective of emotions, we have demystified the word called LOVE.

Good marriages don’t fall from heaven; they are heaven made on earth.

Please let me know in the comment if you are blessed.

You may need someone to hold you accountable and support you on this journey, as a certified SYMBIS assessment facilitator, I can support you virtually. 

I invite you to take the pre-marriage assessment if you are single or engaged to be married soon or the SYMBIS+ Assessment if you are married. I will help you unpack the result and point out areas of strengths, weakness, opportunity, and threats (SWOT) in your marriage. Every successful business conducts SWOT analysis in other to continue to grow. 

Please send me a message below, and I will arrange for you to take the assessment as soon as possible.

Please let me know if you are blessed, by liking the post, share and comment.

Are you longing for inspiration for your life and marriage? Learning new skills and acquiring knowledge can greatly improve your relationship with your spouse. When you know better, you can do better and make a big difference in your relationship. Subscribe to updates from Abi here!

Abi Apalara loves sharing insightful information that helps couples flourish in life and their marriage relationship. I have enjoyed both good marital pleasures and challenging times in my marriage. I came to realise, the points where I missed it, were areas I lacked information on how to.

Making it up along the way, only meant I was going the wrong way. Desperately seeking to get back into marital bliss, I started exploring and reading about those areas of challenge. I also reached out to counselors and began to see what I was missing.
After a surprising move into relationship study, I have found peace of mind and happy with my marriage. I have authored the book Are you ready? Marriage expectation versus realty to share my experience and encourage men and women to work on their
marriages, by seeking knowledge and apply it to their marriage relationship.


My latest book, Are you ready? Marriage expectation versus reality focuses on discovering some of the unrealistic expectations we bring into a marriage. It comes with practical advice and a guide on how to get it right before and after getting married. You can also preorder the book here

abi_daily(124)

How to overcome Bitterness, Anger and Unforgiveness

by with No Comment Happy Marriage

Bitterness, Anger and Unforgiveness I will refer to these three as BAU (Business As Usual). BAU are three critical attitudes that destroy relationships and love in marriage. The Bible tells us to live together in harmony, joy and peace with each other. We should be quick to forgive those who offend us because Christ our Lord and our model have shown us how to forgive. While we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. While He was being crucified, He extended forgiveness and prayed for those hurting him. I want us to admit and acknowledge no one is perfect and that we are all sinners. Christ has shown us mercy, and therefore He expects and commands us to show other people mercy. Mercy is an undeserved pardon. If God pardons us and removed our shame and death that we deserve because of our sin, how much more should we forgive people of the offences that ensue in our relationships. 

Mercy is an undeserved pardon.

What sometimes baffles me is some spouses are quick to overlook the transgression of their co-workers, friends and family but find it so hard to forgive their spouse. They count it as a grave sin, great disrespect, and serious offense if their spouse hurt them. If we can show other people mercy and pardon them, how much more should we have mercy on our partners, spouses, husbands, and wives. Marriages where there is unforgiveness and lack of mercy, will result in bitterness, resentment, and anger. In any home or relationship where BAU is the order of the day, I can tell you there can never be peace, joy, and harmony. 

Marriages where there is unforgiveness and lack of mercy, will result in bitterness, resentment, and anger.

There is never a void in life; let us look at darkness and light. For example, whenever we turn on the light, darkness disappears, and whenever we turn off the light, darkness takes over. Light and darkness exist; we only allow what we turn on. We cannot pray darkness away or speak in tongues to bring light. We must turn the light on to remove darkness, and we must turn off the light for darkness to prevail.  The Bible says we should live together in understanding and without resentment. The offence will happen in any relationship; we must deliberately keep out the negative BAU attitudes resulting from getting offended. We can be angry but do not sin; it is not the fact that we are angry, but what we do with our anger and the attitudes that follow is what leads to sin. Again, the Bible knows the way, and it tells us to quickly discard our rage, which means forgiving and letting go. When we hold onto offence, it quickly turns to rotten tomatoes full of worms and irritable things. 

When we hold onto offense, it quickly turns to rotten tomatoes full of worms and irritable things. 

We must root out BAU deliberately, guard against it and keep our heart pure and must forgive each other every day. If we do not forgive our spouse, who we profess to love the most and vowed to love in front of family and friends, and most importantly, God is the witness of our vows, we will inevitably resent them. I read recently on one of the numerous social media platforms where people have been masking the act of unforgiveness towards their spouse with the notion that we hate and love passionately. Some people said people who love passionately and deeply when hurt would also hate passionately and deeply. So many people identified with the statement and said, yes, that’s me, I agree, and my heart sank. They decided that because they loved someone so much, it hurts so much, and that is why these people find it so difficult to forgive the person they claim to love so deeply. That I found so utterly opposite to what God’s word says, for God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten son, that whosoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life.

When we love so much, we give, offer and forgive so much, and not the other way round,

When we love so much, we give, offer and forgive so much, and not the other way round, that the world has twisted and accepted to perpetuate unforgiveness, that when we love so much, we hate so much. The world says it is because I love you so much that I now hate you so much. Wow! What an irony and a lie from the pit of hell being fed to many souls. This statement is used to justify the act of unforgiveness, and many couples have used it to allow BAU to destroy their beautiful relationship. We must go back to the bible way of doing love and loving someone so much. 

If you love someone so much, you will forgive them so much; love covers many sins.

If you love someone so much, you will forgive them so much; love covers many sins. So, if you are finding it difficult to forgive your spouse whom you love so much, you do need to check what type of love you have for your spouse. A hurtful heart is not a loving heart, and you cannot be hurting someone you love; it is impossible. Yet the world makes it easy for abuse to continue by masking hatred, unforgiveness and lack of love as passionate love, which turns to intense hate. We must work on this, and I want this transformation to start with you reading this blog right now, look at yourself and how you forgive those who hurt you. Are you doing BAU in your relationships and your marriage? 

A hurtful heart is not a loving heart, and you cannot be hurting someone you love; it is impossible. 

We must consider why we get hurt easily too, when people offend us, why does it hurt so much? If we reflect, we often hurt so much because we feel we are important such that we carry ourselves with so much pride in our relationships.  Hence, we cannot tolerate our spouse whom we love to offend us and release forgiveness; where there is pride there, you will find resentment and unforgiveness. Sometimes husbands and wives take themself too important in their marriage, yet we are all subjects of the highest God, submit ourselves to one another. If God has forgiven us and we cannot forgive our fellow being, we can see how we can say we love God. I want to encourage and implore you today; if you a husband or a wife and you live and do BAU in your marriage, please turn on the light of forgiveness. 

Where there is pride there, you will find resentment and unforgiveness.

The remote is in your hands; God has given you the authority and capacity to forgive and get rid of bitterness, resentment, anger and unforgiveness in your relationship. I hope you have not fallen into the deception of the world and the arch-enemy, the devil, masking unforgiveness with the notion that it is because you love so much and therefore can’t forgive because you also hurt so much. If you are in this position, then you are playing with the devil.  You are living in disobedience and choosing not to do what God commanded. To whom much is given, much is expected; if God has forgiven you that much your own sins and offenses, then you ought to overlook that much the sin of others and most especially your spouse. I pray God will help us forgive one another, live in peace and joy the grace of humility and patience not to take ourselves too important.  I pray that you help us not to allow pride to rule our hearts such that we continue to live in resentment with one another and destroy the excellent relationship and gift of a good and happy marriage.

I hope you will decide today, be in control of your negative emotions and take steps to take your marriage to the next level of bliss and peace. Amen

You may need someone to hold you accountable and support you on this journey, as a certified SYMBIS assessment facilitator, I can support you virtually. 

I invite you to take the pre-marriage assessment if you are single or engaged to be married soon or the SYMBIS+ Assessment if you are married. I will help you unpack the result and point out areas of strengths, weakness, opportunity, and threats (SWOT) in your marriage. Every successful business conducts SWOT analysis in other to continue to grow. 

Please send me a message below, and I will arrange for you to take the assessment as soon as possible.

Please let me know if you are blessed, by liking the post, share and comment.

Are you longing for inspiration for your life and marriage? Learning new skills and acquiring knowledge can greatly improve your relationship with your spouse. When you know better, you can do better and make a big difference in your relationship. Subscribe to updates from Abi here!

Abi Apalara loves sharing insightful information that helps couples flourish in life and their marriage relationship. I have enjoyed both good marital pleasures and challenging times in my marriage. I came to realise, the points where I missed it, were areas I lacked information on how to.

Making it up along the way, only meant I was going the wrong way. Desperately seeking to get back into marital bliss, I started exploring and reading about those areas of challenge. I also reached out to counselors and began to see what I was missing.
After a surprising move into relationship study, I have found peace of mind and happy with my marriage. I have authored the book Are you ready? Marriage expectation versus realty to share my experience and encourage men and women to work on their
marriages, by seeking knowledge and apply it to their marriage relationship.


My latest book, Are you ready? Marriage expectation versus reality focuses on discovering some of the unrealistic expectations we bring into a marriage. It comes with practical advice and a guide on how to get it right before and after getting married. You can also preorder the book here