I recently had an interview for a new role, and I had to prepare for it within the same organisation. Part of my preparation was a mock interview. During the mock interview, I found out listing my hard skills, i.e., core competencies needed for the role, was great, but mentioning my soft skills or human skills as I would like to call them was essential. A successful accountant with no interpersonal skill may not be victorious over another competent accountant who works as a local scout, guide, or club volunteer. The volunteering role reveals more human skills they may not even mention, such as working in a team, resilience, collaboration, patience etc. Why am I making this analogy? A partner that does not have the right human skills or soft skills will never make an excellent spouse in marriage.
A partner that does not have the right human skills or soft skills will never make an excellent spouse in marriage.
Let me attempt to list some of the hard skills we require for marriage: a hardworking partner, a financially stable spouse, a good-looking spouse, a partner who can cook, clean, make the home pleasant, a loving spouse, etc. Here are some soft or human skills that we may not necessarily capture while dating: a forgiving spouse, a kind partner, a God-fearing person, a self-sacrificing being, a person with conscience etc., non-judgemental, unable to keep malice, peace-loving and conscientious person.
1 Corinthians 13:4-8 tells us some soft skills, especially when in love, failing to check what love means.
Love is patient and kind.
Love is not jealous or boastful or proud, or rude.
Love does not demand its own way.
Love is not irritable.
Love keeps no record of being wronged.
Love does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out.
Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.
Prophecy and speaking in unknown languages and special knowledge will become useless.
But love will last forever!
I wonder how many people consciously consider these while dating or lookout for these attitudes in their prospective partner? We often give in to our spouse’s demands and forget to check if they give in to our demands, especially when we are in love. Many people ignored the red flags and never checked if our partner’s love for us meets the above criteria. Many spouses have shown impatience, lack of compassion, injustice, and angry outbursts, yet we overlook those thinking they love us and will not act that way.
We should marry someone with the necessary hard skills, but I have found a partner with these soft skills even more pertinent.
We should marry someone with the necessary hard skills, but I have found a partner with these soft skills even more pertinent. A gentle and kind spouse who may not have financial capacity can become successful tomorrow. A successful, wealthy, and callous spouse will not suddenly become soft and kind except, by some miracle, to meet Jesus, surrendered, and become a new person.
Just as recruiters are aware and look out for soft skills over hardcore knowledge, we must teach the next generation of people going into marriage to check for human skills in their partner.
Are you sure you know the attributes required to be a great spouse?
Good marriages don’t fall from heaven; they are heaven made on earth.
Please let me know in the comment if you are blessed.
I am a certified SYMBIS ASSESSMENT facilitator, and I would love to help you start your marriage right if you are getting married soon. If you are already married, I can also help you enrich your marriage by helping you and your partner understand how your personalities mesh. Saving Your Marriage Before IT Starts (SYMBIS) is a research-based questionnaire that couples take individually. We will generate a comprehensive report which I will help you unpack as your facilitator.
Research has shown that the couple who took the assessment reduced the divorce rate by 31%, saving one-third of couples whose marriage could have ended in divorce. Still, because they took the assessment, they were well prepared and avoided pitfalls while maximising the full potential of their relationships.
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What SYMBIS does is nothing short of revolutionary – Gary Chapman author of The Five Love Languages
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Are you longing for inspiration for your life and marriage? Learning new skills and acquiring knowledge can greatly improve your relationship with your spouse. When you know better, you can do better and make a big difference in your relationship. Subscribe to updates from Abi here!
Abi Apalara loves sharing insightful information that helps couples flourish in life and their marriage relationship. I have enjoyed both good marital pleasures and challenging times in my marriage. I came to realise, the points where I missed it, were areas I lacked information on how to.
Making it up along the way, only meant I was going the wrong way. Desperately seeking to get back into marital bliss, I started exploring and reading about those areas of challenge. I also reached out to counselors and began to see what I was missing.
After a surprising move into relationship study, I have found peace of mind and happy with my marriage. I have authored the book Are you ready? Marriage expectation versus realty to share my experience and encourage men and women to work on their
marriages, by seeking knowledge and apply it to their marriage relationship.
My latest book, Are you ready? Marriage expectation versus reality focuses on discovering some of the unrealistic expectations we bring into a marriage. It comes with practical advice and a guide on how to get it right before and after getting married. You can also preorder the book here