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I am naked and not ashamed! Is this your reality in your marriage?

When God created man and woman in the garden of Eden, he knew that couples in a marriage must be naked to each other. Naked here means openness and bear it all as is, without shame. So Adam and Eve were created without any form of covering. The bible tells us that they were both naked and not ashamed. However as soon as sin came into their lives, they started to cover up. 

I am not sure anyone would like other people to see their nakedness other than their spouse. If someone shows themselves unclothe to people publicly and unsolicited, it can be deemed a crime in England. Therefore, nakedness is meant to be explored within a particular setting and that in a marriage means, to bare it all without fear of committing a crime.

Suggested Read: The FAT Principles of marriage – TOLERANCE (Part 3)

Physical nakedness is just a representation of the other forms of nakedness that must exist in any marriage. Emotional nakedness, financial nakedness and physical nakedness are the parts of a healthy marriage. It is absurd that many couples would allow each other to see their physical nakedness, explore each other’s intimate body and securely guard their phones, conversations, bank accounts, and emotions. Do they ever wonder why there is no connection or intimacy in their sexual activity and marriage? 

Intimacy in marriage is created by openness, trust and “into me see” which is nakedness.

If a spouse cannot be vulnerable enough with their partner, the intimacy level will begin to diminish and before they know it, a wide gap has been created. Other forms of secrecy and lack of openness is not easily detected until there is a physical disconnect from both husband and wife.

A sexless marriage is an acute stage of lack of transparency and nakedness in a marriage relationship.

If sexlessness is not due to physical or health challenges, it may be due to lack of nakedness in the marriage. For any marriage to be healthy, grow and function the way God started it in the beginning, there must be no reason for any form of secrecy. It is very easy to miss the point that, being open and upfront with your spouse leads to intimacy and being secretive, guarded and shame leads to detachment.

A husband must be willing to disclose his struggles, fears and disappointment without any fear or shame. So also, a wife must be comfortable enough to share her hopes, failures, and frustration without feeling embarrassed.

This level of transparency can only be achieved when marriage is a safe place for both husband and wife. 

Similarly, individual maturity level can affect the level of transparency and openness. The family beliefs and practices can affect the level of trust a partner can bestow on their spouse. Unspoken prejudices and fears as well contribute to the level of trust a partner can give to their spouse. I discussed in one of the previous blogs and posts, trust is bestowed, earned, and cannot be requested. For some people, you do not need to prove your innocence before they give you the benefit of the doubt. Whereas for other people, you may never win their trust because they just cannot bestow trust, they find it difficult to trust easily.

It is therefore important for husbands and wives to understand that the level of trust, openness and nakedness in their marriage, will directly influence the level of intimacy, physical, emotional, and sexual satisfaction in their marriage.

You can also read: 7 things you can do together as a couple to strengthen your bond and friendship in a marriage.

The moment you are closing physical doors to discuss issues, closing bank accounts, locking and passwording gadgets, phones become a danger zone, that is the moment you should realise you are no longer comfortable being naked in your marriage. If you are still going naked to have sexual intercourse, it is only a matter of time before you will realise you are no longer able to stand each other’s nakedness.

At this point, you need help, and that help is foundational, a need to be open and transparent. This is not topical help. 

It is not a matter of my spouse is not giving me sex or sexual satisfaction. 

Unfortunately, many people miss the core and foundation of the problem in their marriage. They want a quick fix or maybe they have no idea what the problem in the marriage truly is. Sadly, some couples reach out to friends, family, and foes to find a solution. They are advised to seek another relationship, cheat, or find pleasure another way, consequently leading to the ultimate demise of the relationship.

God has given us all the solution to any marital problem in His holy book, the bible. If you are single and courting, yet you are not able to see into the person you intend to marry, please stop.

Intimacy is not sex; intimacy is naked but not ashamed.

Your fiancé or fiancée must be able to share their lives openly without any fear or shame with you. You as well must have nothing to hide. Nothing must be up your sleeves. If you go into marriage with baggage that has not been explained, it will come out as weight not too long on your journey.

So, are you naked in your marriage?  Are you willing to be naked with your intending spouse?  If you are not able to share your nakedness in every aspect of life, you will not understand what marriage all is about. At best if husband and wife share only physical nakedness, what they have is far less than what God has intended for them. 

However, being naked is an individual decision and it depends on our comfort level when naked. Becoming naked cannot be forced; it can be influenced by our spouse, for example if one receives judgement and condemnation. It may not be easy to be vulnerable with a judgemental spouse. To attain the intimacy level that sustains a healthy marriage, partners must be willing to look ridiculous and not ashamed.

Are you longing for inspiration for your life and marriage? Learning new skills and acquiring knowledge can greatly improve your relationship with your spouse. When you know better, you can do better and make a big difference in your relationship. Subscribe to updates from Abi here!

Abi Apalara loves sharing insightful information that helps couples flourish in life and their marriage relationship. I have enjoyed both good marital pleasures and challenging times in my marriage. I came to realise, the points where I missed it, were areas I lacked information on how to.

Making it up along the way, only meant I was going the wrong way. Desperately seeking to get back into marital bliss, I started exploring and reading about those areas of challenge. I also reached out to counselors and began to see what I was missing.
After a surprising move into relationship study, I have found peace of mind and happy with my marriage. I have authored the book Are you ready? Marriage expectation versus realty to share my experience and encourage men and women to work on their
marriages, by seeking knowledge and apply it to their marriage relationship.


My latest book, Are you ready? Marriage expectation versus reality focuses on discovering some of the unrealistic expectations we bring into a marriage. It comes with practical advice and a guide on how to get it right before and after getting married. You can also preorder the book here

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Is your marriage relationship dull and gloomy? Read this before your quit!

Marriage is a lifelong commitment which if one is not intentional, can easily become monotonous and unexciting. It is one of the many reasons why spouses get tired and try to pursue adventures outside of their marriage. However, it is not a valid excuse to ruin your marriage or cheat on your spouse.

There are many activities we take in life that required doing the same thing repeatedly. For example, becoming educated takes a long time, people simply do not abandon schooling because it is tedious and boring, they endure and determine to succeed. It is the determination to succeed in life that keeps one going and successful eventually. 

Most times some couples begin their marriage with the wrong mindsets and intentions. “I do not think it will work”. “Marriage is a necessary evil”. “Women are crazy”. “Men are wicked”. There are so many other thoughts, myths, and ideas we have been exposed to within our environments. These types of ideas sit at the back of our minds and plaque our marriages because we are a product of our environment.

To have a successful and passionate marriage, husband and wife must admit it is going to be a long journey.

They must have the desire to run the marriage marathon and reach the end successfully. Marriage is not a dash or sprint; therefore, it requires commitment. I have watched many London marathon in my lifetime and I have not seen a successful marathon runner without a strategy? People running a marathon without strategy and determination soon burn out and drop off before the finish line. Running a marathon is a mind game, it is strategic, sacrificial runners endured because of the expectation of satisfaction at the finish line. Husbands and wives must start their marriage with the intention to enjoy and keep working to enjoy their relationship.

Suggested Read: 5 ways to solve problems in your marriage

It is impossible to start a marriage and expect to enjoy forever without putting in effort daily to keep and maintain the relationship. Passion can help couples maintain and enjoy their marriage. What are your expectations for passion in your marriage? Passion is defined as a feeling of intense enthusiasm towards or compelling desire for someone or something. We must be passionate about our relationship with our spouse. Passion can range from eager interest in or admiration for an idea, proposal, or cause; hence the reason to have a passionate marriage in your mind.  

Are you passionate about your marriage? 

Passion ignites the flame and brings to life what is dull and dreary. Passion means you are enthusiastic and earnestly desire enjoyment in your marriage. If your main goal is to enjoy your marriage, you will be careful to do away with anything, people, idea, or motives that will steal or destroy your enjoyment.

Passion means you have strong attraction, excitement, or emotion towards your spouse. It is particularly used in the context of romance or sexual desire, though it generally implies a deeper or more encompassing emotion than that implied by the term lust. Therefore, you must pursue your spouse with an authentic passion and realise that it needs to be sustained and intentional.

Once you can establish a good and success-oriented mindset about your marriage, then you need to add passion to the burning flame and continue to add to ensure it does not run out.

If you light a fire and do not feed it, the flame will die out.

The worrisome state of many marriages today is because some couples have neglected their passion for each other. What brought them together was passion, for some it may not even be love at first sight, but they developed passion for each other. As a husband you took some actions, you pursued and won the heart of your wife. As a woman, you made yourself available and open to receive love and gave love in return to your husband. The reason the initial passion fades away is that once people get married, they assume, their love will grow, or and deepen automatically. No that is the mistake many people have been making yet many are still making today. Love is active and requires maintenance.

Couples must also anticipate change and explore new ways of spicing up their marriages. You and your spouse are not going to remain the same forever. You are going to change as well as your partner. Are you anticipating change? Are we checking and maintaining our relationships, or we allow it to grow old and cold? As married couples, sometimes we are too comfortable with our status and forget to ignite passion in our marriages. 

What are you going to do differently today to restore passion into your relationship? 

The reason why many people seek new partners or cheat in a marriage is that they are seeking new thrills and adventures. You can continue to enjoy your husband or wife if you would renew your mind and put in the effort to keep your marriage passionate.

You can also read: Principles of Marriage: ACCEPTANCE (Part 2)

Do not throw away your relationship if it is dull and dreary, all you need is to ignite the passion and keep the fire burning. You and I must be intentional about our marriage relationship. I encourage you to invest in your marriage again, the thrill and passion you are seeking outside of your sacred marriage, can be found if you will bring back the spark you two once had.

I would love to hear from you if you took steps to bring back passion in your marriage.

Are you longing for inspiration for your life and marriage? Learning new skills and acquiring knowledge can greatly improve your relationship with your spouse. When you know better, you can do better and make a big difference in your relationship. Subscribe to updates from Abi here!

Abi Apalara loves sharing insightful information that helps couples flourish in life and their marriage relationship. I have enjoyed both good marital pleasures and challenging times in my marriage. I came to realise, the points where I missed it, were areas I lacked information on how to.

Making it up along the way, only meant I was going the wrong way. Desperately seeking to get back into marital bliss, I started exploring and reading about those areas of challenge. I also reached out to counselors and began to see what I was missing.
After a surprising move into relationship study, I have found peace of mind and happy with my marriage. I have authored the book Are you ready? Marriage expectation versus realty to share my experience and encourage men and women to work on their
marriages, by seeking knowledge and apply it to their marriage relationship.


My latest book, Are you ready? Marriage expectation versus reality focuses on discovering some of the unrealistic expectations we bring into a marriage. It comes with practical advice and a guide on how to get it right before and after getting married. You can also preorder the book here