abi_daily(104)

7 powerful marriage posts every couple, singles should read

I have been running this blog for a while now evangelising marriage education as I’m inspired. Here in today’s blog post, I have selected seven powerful blog posts on this blog that every couple should read.

These blog posts have also blessed me personally and my marriage.

How to achieve unity and harmony in your marriage

Marriage is a union of two individuals with different values, idea, likes and dislikes. Apart from physical differences in the built of a man and woman, emotionally men and women are poles apart. Yet God created them male and female and commanded them to be fruitful and dominate the earth together.

Continue Read

How to be a loving husband to your wife

I have often come across and spoken to men who want to love their wives and cherish them but do not understand what they are doing wrong, even though they are doing their best. I have realised that their actions may not convey the very message of love they are trying to pass on to their wives. The way we receive love is the natural and more comfortable approach; we often want to reciprocate that love. It can become difficult and frustrating for a man trying to show his wife love but doing so the manner he understands. For example, showing a man love can mean giving him space to be alone for some time when he feels being sucked in or choked by life. Yet a man trying to show love to his wife by staying away when she is in deep distress may have just shot himself in the foot.

Continue Reading

How to be a Loving Wife to your Husband

In the bible, two primary laws underpin marriage success. Husbands love your wives and wives respect your husbands. Love and respect go hand in hand; it is like a chicken before the egg or egg before the chicken. Whenever a husband genuinely and unconditionally loves his wife, I am pretty sure the wife will adore and much honour her husband. A wife full of adoration and honour for her husband will make him behave more lovingly towards his wife. These two acts go on to influence each other. However, where the issue has been for marriages in turmoil is when one partner is waiting to do their share because the other partner is not doing their role. People tend to pin the kick start of the relationship on the woman. Women are the ones that build the home and control the marriage’s atmosphere many cultures believe. 

Continue Reading

10 Reasons You Shouldn’t Ignore Your Marriage

Marriage can build or destroy the couple involved. I want you to note the ten reasons below, especially if you are a Christian and even if you are not a Christian, they will help you find peace and joy in your marriage.

Continue Reading

Trust Me – two powerful words that can make or break your marriage

A husband will thrive and do well when his wife trusts him completely and allow him to be the man he wants to be. A wife will be happy when her husband trusts her and accept word spoken as they are without any hint of doubt or mistrust. Men do not want to have a feeling of inadequacy and the moment a wife does not trust or have full confidence in her partner’s ability to provide, care or make a decision, the level of trust invested diminishes. To trust someone means you can rely on them, you have full confidence in their abilities, character, and integrity. Trust is gained by being tested, saying these two-word ‘TRUST ME’ will not suddenly make someone to trust you. Trust is won and bestowed when tested.

Continue Reading

How to find BLISS in your marriage if you desire it.

Blissful, joyful, and peaceful marriage are the desires of most couples when starting a marriage. Still, it soon looks like an unrealistic, unachievable, and elusive goal because it is not easily accomplished, nor is it the reality of many married couples.

Marriage is a long conversation checkered by arguments, every couple will argue about so many things, and they may agree or disagree at many levels. Some people assume happy couples don’t argue or fight, and the teams that often argue or fight are unhappy. The reality is that what couples do before, during and after arguments and fights determines whether they are happy or not. A healthy marriage will have many fights, but they are called good fights. It is an environment where both spouses are free to express their opinion while caring for one another.

Continue Reading

FAT (FORGIVENESS, ACCEPTANCE, TOLERANCE) PRINCIPLES OF MARRIAGE (PART 1, 2, 3)

Marriage is the university of all offence, do not marry if you cannot forgive. Lifeworks on principles and you cannot be breaking principles and claiming blessings. Many marriages are in trouble because of a lack of application of principles. If you are going into marriage, be ready to forgive and accept forgiveness. A good marriage is made up of two good forgivers.

Continue Reading

abi_daily(100)

How to find BLISS in your marriage if you desire it.

Blissful, joyful, and peaceful marriage are the desires of most couples when starting a marriage. Still, it soon looks like an unrealistic, unachievable, and elusive goal because it is not easily accomplished, nor is it the reality of many married couples.

Marriage is a long conversation checkered by arguments, every couple will argue about so many things, and they may agree or disagree at many levels. Some people assume happy couples don’t argue or fight, and the teams that often argue or fight are unhappy. The reality is that what couples do before, during and after arguments and fights determines whether they are happy or not. A healthy marriage will have many fights, but they are called good fights. It is an environment where both spouses are free to express their opinion while caring for one another.

A healthy marriage will have many fights, but they are called good fights.

Bliss means happiness, enjoyment, thrill, cheerfulness, gladness, contentment, and delight. These are things money cannot buy; it is a decision and attitude that someone puts on even amid an unpleasant situation.

A blissful marriage is like paradise and heaven on earth, but it does not mean the marriage is free of trouble and fights. When couples go to war, they certainly will not have peace or bliss. Some couples fight each other and forget they are on the same side fighting the exact cause, but instead, they turn towards each other to row like an enemy. Couples who know how to fight and still are friends find bliss in their marriage.

Suggested Read: Who would you consider your spouse to be: a friend, soulmate or housemate?

To have a blissful marriage requires you to want and desire it first. It is a goal that every couple must set and review every time. If it is a goal, couples must ask themselves these questions to monitor and evaluate their relationship.

1.We may have arguments but are we still together?

2. Are we still caring for each other?

3. Are we content with who we have married?

4. Do we have hatred and animosity towards each other?

Couples who know how to fight and still are friends find bliss in their marriage.

These are a few questions that can help couples realign their marriage goals, but sadly, many couples do not plan for these things. We assume love covers all, happiness will fall in place, and the relationship will be deepening. Unfortunately, we have seen many couples who were madly in love go their separate ways; if only love could sustain a marriage, that should never happen.

We must deliberately seek peace and pursue it, the bible tells us; we cannot leave it to chance. Many marriages are suffering because couples are letting things happen to them rather than make things happen. We cannot continue to do the same thing and expect the same result. Many marriages thriving today have either passed through adversity, fought the good fight, and found respecting each other and putting plans in place to safeguard their marriages and ensure it worked. Many marriage authors have shared their experiences of overcoming adversities and then deciding to honour their marriage and spouse and have a strong marriage. For some people, they were on the threshold of divorce, yet they were able to restore their marriage; why? They decided to build and work to have a happy marriage.

Many marriages are suffering because couples are letting things happen to them rather than make things happen.

You can also read: What are you fighting for in your marriage? Are you fighting a good or bad fight?

To find bliss must be a conscious decision; it requires knowledge, skills and wisdom to navigate the troubled waters of a marital voyage. The sea of marriage is vast and wide, and the navigation and compass are unique to the couples. The storms will arise on the sea; surviving the storm depends on the pair and how prepared they are to shelter and patiently wait for the storm to be over. After the hurricane comes a bright sky, tranquil sea and paradise. What would you do when a storm arises in your marriage? Are you prepared to handle with care your spouse? 

Are you prepared to handle with care your spouse?

Do you have the tools to solve conflict without hurting each other? We can help you, and your spouse understand the pressure points in your marriage by bringing them to your consciousness, equipping you with the tools and skills you need to achieve a successful marriage when you take the SYMBIS ASSESSMENT. We can help you, and your spouse unpack the results and work through your strengths, weaknesses, opportunities, and threats to your relationship. Every successful organisation does a SWOT analysis, and it should be no different when it comes to building a successful marital relationship. Contact us using the form below, and we will help you get your assessment set up. Over one million couples have taken the quiz and enjoying their relationships.

Please let me know in the comment if you are blessed.

Are you longing for inspiration for your life and marriage? Learning new skills and acquiring knowledge can greatly improve your relationship with your spouse. When you know better, you can do better and make a big difference in your relationship. Subscribe to updates from Abi here!

Abi Apalara loves sharing insightful information that helps couples flourish in life and their marriage relationship. I have enjoyed both good marital pleasures and challenging times in my marriage. I came to realise, the points where I missed it, were areas I lacked information on how to.

Making it up along the way, only meant I was going the wrong way. Desperately seeking to get back into marital bliss, I started exploring and reading about those areas of challenge. I also reached out to counselors and began to see what I was missing.
After a surprising move into relationship study, I have found peace of mind and happy with my marriage. I have authored the book Are you ready? Marriage expectation versus realty to share my experience and encourage men and women to work on their
marriages, by seeking knowledge and apply it to their marriage relationship.


My latest book, Are you ready? Marriage expectation versus reality focuses on discovering some of the unrealistic expectations we bring into a marriage. It comes with practical advice and a guide on how to get it right before and after getting married. You can also preorder the book here

abi_daily(95)

One most common reason for the lack of understanding between couples in a marriage relationship

I have discovered that the primary reason for the lack of understanding between couples in a marriage relationship is spouses do not value each other in many ways.

 My children and I would disagree with or clash when they want to watch a television programme that I have no interest in or do not enjoy as they do. My children love to watch animes, superheroes like avengers, and then the other kinds of stuff teenagers appreciate. Often, I wonder why they love to follow those types of programmes. On the other hand, I love to view foreign-language movies with cultural references and clothing; my children and hubby would not join me. They tolerate and allow me to see them, but none of them would sit with me. There was a time my daughter felt something and said, mummy, I wouldn’t say I like watching this film, but I will keep you company. It shows she may not like what I fancy, but she is willing to go along with me for love sake; it brings me to the idea of value. To esteem what someone else values may be easy when it sits within what we like or can accommodate; on the other hand, appreciating what is not a priority or significance requires understanding, love and commitment.

To esteem what someone else values may be easy when it sits within what we like or can accommodate.

As Husband and wife, most of us have been raised in two different environments and have standards instil in us by our parents and culture. We learnt those values and culture, whether spoken or unspoken, in the environment, we grew up. Most of the time, culture develops over time, and they are unspoken or unwritten rules that people observe and respect in that environment. It can be challenging for a newcomer to an environment because they will not be aware of the culture and unspoken rules that exist; people will frown when they break those rules, which often we don’t communicate in the first instance. It can take years or multiple errors and consequences before someone realises or learn those unspoken rules.

It can take years or multiple errors and consequences before someone realises or learn those unspoken rules.

It is a shame that this is one of the great contributors to stress and misunderstandings in marriage relationships. What we don’t know is called ignorance, and ignorance is not bliss. Becoming aware of the factors that make marriage hard work can significantly enhance the journey to merge the two individuals into one. When a couple realises and appreciates their spouse preferences, even though they may not believe or like it, they will accord the respect, space, and reverence that will communicate love and understanding to the other spouse. However, most partners unknowingly tread and disrespect their spouse’s constructs, norms, and culture, which causes significant friction between them. The most bizarre thing is that even the spouse that is hurt cannot articulate or put into words why they are hurting because, as said earlier, these are unspoken rules or ideals that they hold and not realise until someone breaks that rule.

These are unspoken rules or ideals that they hold and not realise until someone breaks that rule.

For example, I grew up in a home where you can serve yourself meat or fish and take whatever is ok for you as long as you are not greedy. When the pot of soup finishes, we get on and make another one, no investigation or query. However, I have friends who cannot go in and merely take whatever they want from the pot of stew without permission. They are required to ask and get permission before taking out a piece or two. In this home, I went to spend a few days of my holiday, and as I was not aware, I went in to take a piece of meat for my lunch without request or permission, and I indeed got into trouble. When I got into this house, no one told me, you are not allowed to serve yourself unless you take permission. It is a rule but an unwritten and unspoken one. You only get to be aware of it when you break the law. For example, if I had not served myself lunch, I’d probably not be aware, and if I didn’t stay long enough, I wouldn’t have been in trouble.

So getting this awareness of unspoken rules, unconscious bias and not recognising what someone else value can begin to bring to the surface reasons we resent and unhappy with our spouse when they act in specific ways that may be opposite to what we are doing. To understand is first to accept that our ways are not the only proper way to do certain things. Let us look at one area of conflict common in marriages, money spending habit. People whose parents are savers may have the culture and ability to save and be frugal. These people may see someone who spends as irresponsible and wasteful. Meanwhile, people whose parents are spenders may resent a saver and see them as thrifty, stingy and nasty to someone who spends.

To understand is first to accept that our ways are not the only proper way to do certain things.

However, money is for spending wisely to meet our needs; there must be a balance between spending and saving for a rainy day. If one partner concentrates on keeping money and denies the other of meeting their immediate need, and the other spends all they have and leaves nothing in the savings, then, of course, no one is right in this situation. It takes understanding and the ability to accept that no one way is utterly right except when it fails morality.

I want to help you and your partner understand some of the unspoken rules, biases and beliefs that may plague your marriage if you plan to get married soon. The earlier you know these pressure points, the better you are equipped to deal with them and set up a new culture in your marriage that suit both of you.

If you are already married and locked in conflicts that seem to have no headway, I can help you find harmony, dig out what you may not be aware of, unconscious bias, unspoken rules, and norms that may be causing a collision between you and your spouse.

You will be surprised at what we can uncover and when you discuss these issues. It requires that you and your spouse are humble enough to accept your way is not better than someone else’s, and you are willing to value what your spouse values; you will realise that understating will bring bliss and longevity to your marriage.

As a certified SYMBIS assessment facilitator, I invite you to take the pre-marriage assessment if you are single or engaged to be married soon or the SYMBIS+ Assessment if you are married. I will help you unpack the result and point out areas of strengths, weakness, opportunity and threats (SWOT) in your marriage. Every successful business conducts SWOT analysis in other to continue to grow. Please send me a message below, and I will arrange for you to take the assessment as soon as possible.

Would you let me know if you are blessed, by liking the post, share and comment?

Are you longing for inspiration for your life and marriage? Learning new skills and acquiring knowledge can greatly improve your relationship with your spouse. When you know better, you can do better and make a big difference in your relationship. Subscribe to updates from Abi here!

Abi Apalara loves sharing insightful information that helps couples flourish in life and their marriage relationship. I have enjoyed both good marital pleasures and challenging times in my marriage. I came to realise, the points where I missed it, were areas I lacked information on how to.

Making it up along the way, only meant I was going the wrong way. Desperately seeking to get back into marital bliss, I started exploring and reading about those areas of challenge. I also reached out to counselors and began to see what I was missing.
After a surprising move into relationship study, I have found peace of mind and happy with my marriage. I have authored the book Are you ready? Marriage expectation versus realty to share my experience and encourage men and women to work on their
marriages, by seeking knowledge and apply it to their marriage relationship.


My latest book, Are you ready? Marriage expectation versus reality focuses on discovering some of the unrealistic expectations we bring into a marriage. It comes with practical advice and a guide on how to get it right before and after getting married. You can also preorder the book here

abi_daily(91)

Why your marriage is unique and unrivalled?

I am sure you have heard countless stories of identical twins who look the same physically yet different in personality and character. My sister and I look so much alike that our friends often mistake us for each other. I can see many differences between myself and my sister, and I still get excited when I meet someone face to face or on my social media profile. They immediately can recognise I have a sister that looks like me. Even though people may look alike, they are never the same; everyone is unique. The bible says we are fearfully and wonderfully made. Therefore, there can never be another you; even our fingerprint confirms this.

Therefore, there can never be another you; even our fingerprint confirms this.

Consequently, when two people come together in holy matrimony, their marriage is unique. The behaviours and personality are universal to the populace, but the specific way they interact is unique to each couple. We cannot compare our marriage to another person; neither should we compare our spouse. If you evaluate your marriage based on someone else, you are setting yourself up to become vain or bitter., for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.

“If you compare yourself to others, you may become vain and bitter, for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.” Max Ehrmann

We must understand that when two couples put under the same pressure are tested, their reaction may be predictable, but their response will be specific. For example, my husband does not make a fuss about food; he will gladly eat whatever is available and hardly make a special request for a particular meal or delicacy. On the other hand, I have friends whose husbands care a lot about food. Their meals must be freshly prepared or not acceptable. In my culture, women should know, food is the way to a man’s heart.  So, wives are encouraged to prepare their husbands’ favourite delicacy when they are upset, and indeed, they will be happy with this gesture. Can you guess the reaction I might get if, when, I am trying to soothe my husband and cook a lovely meal? What works in family A and it’s a big deal may not work in family B. 

What works in family A and it’s a big deal may not work in family B. 

For example, there are many ways wives can apologise and pacify their husbands. For some, it is sex; ensure you find a way to seduce him, and having good make up sex will comfort him.  Yet, for others, it is a sincere apology required for the matter to over. Yet, for another couple, they may not have found what I call the pacify button! Nothing works until the full vengeance is exacted out on each other. Therefore, offering any advice or applying what works in your marriage to another may not yield the same result. So my point is, to comfort one’s spouse is excellent and general; how you soothe your spouse should be specific and unique to your marriage. There has not been a marriage like yours, and there never will be another marriage like yours.

There has not been a marriage like yours, and there never will be another marriage like yours.

Common mistakes couples make are comparing and judging another marriage or spouse based on what they hear or see from another home. There are so many dynamics going on between the two people in a marriage. When two people in a relationship separate and marry someone else, they will never and can never reproduce the same dynamics as the previous marriage. Marriage studies have shown that second and third marriages’ divorce rate is even higher than first marriages. Ordinarily, our assumptions would have been that if someone has been through a divorce, they would not desire to repeat their mistakes and do their best to ensure the new marriage is better. However, this is not the case given the higher divorce rates of second and third marriages. A couple’s uniqueness will determine the relationship dynamics. 

A couple’s uniqueness will determine the relationship dynamics.

The habits that one spouse may find a tick, maybe a stroll in the park for another. A spouse may be so forgiving on many levels and just one spot they are hung unto and cannot look past that. So, couples must recognise universal values, personalities and behaviours, and moral ethics that are general yet very specific when two of those come together in marriage. They will interact and pan out when people meet in a relationship with collision or absorption.

So, recognising the uniqueness you and your spouse bring to the table is vital; accepting and having a goal to produce a pleasing dynamic is what brings stability, joy and longevity to any relationship.

Unfortunately, many people sometimes believe that if they can be with someone else who has the character that may be lacking in their spouse, they will have a perfect union. That is why some people leave their marriage to marry a friend they have had a good relationship with for years, and once married, they become enemies. It is easier to love from afar because we cannot experience the constant daily dynamic in any other relationship than in a marriage.

To enjoy your marriage is to recognise that you and your spouse are unique, study your personalities, do a SWOT (Strength, Weakness, Opportunity and Threats) analysis and work together to create the environment you both desire.

Good marriages don’t fall from heaven; they are heaven made on earth.

Please let me know in the comment if you are blessed.

Are you longing for inspiration for your life and marriage? Learning new skills and acquiring knowledge can greatly improve your relationship with your spouse. When you know better, you can do better and make a big difference in your relationship. Subscribe to updates from Abi here!

Abi Apalara loves sharing insightful information that helps couples flourish in life and their marriage relationship. I have enjoyed both good marital pleasures and challenging times in my marriage. I came to realise, the points where I missed it, were areas I lacked information on how to.

Making it up along the way, only meant I was going the wrong way. Desperately seeking to get back into marital bliss, I started exploring and reading about those areas of challenge. I also reached out to counselors and began to see what I was missing.
After a surprising move into relationship study, I have found peace of mind and happy with my marriage. I have authored the book Are you ready? Marriage expectation versus realty to share my experience and encourage men and women to work on their
marriages, by seeking knowledge and apply it to their marriage relationship.


My latest book, Are you ready? Marriage expectation versus reality focuses on discovering some of the unrealistic expectations we bring into a marriage. It comes with practical advice and a guide on how to get it right before and after getting married. You can also preorder the book here