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Do you pray for your marriage and partner enough? Would you like to pray more?

On many occasions when I have watched programmes on television, there are instances where people who would typically not believe in God or prayer suddenly find themselves in a precarious situation. What mostly comes out without thinking is, oh my God (OMG!), or people start to mumble prayers to God they never thought existed. It sometimes seems natural to pray at difficult times but unnatural to pray or seek God when things are going well or enjoying our lives. As couples, we must begin to cultivate prayer attitudes that will catapult our relationships to a higher altitude. Early in my marriage, I wouldn’t set aside time to deeply cover my husband and our marriage aside from the regular daily prayer we turn to routine as Christian. 

As couples, we must begin to cultivate prayer attitudes that will catapult our relationships to a higher altitude

However, we know better to pray and warfare for our marriage, husband, children, loved one, and community because the enemy does not like good things to continue. Both husband and wife need to realise that marriage is beautiful, and the enemy or the adversary does not welcome any beautiful thing. Bible tells us that while men slept, the enemy came to sow tares in the field and went his way. Prayer covering our spouse, marriage and family must become our priority, and we must no longer wait until the evil seed sown by the enemy has germinated, grown to a mighty oak before we start tearing it down. I am sure you will agree with me that killing an evil seed before it germinates is a lot easier than uprooting a mighty oak that resulted from that tiny seed. Yet many couples enter marriage intending to enjoy loving each other forever only to realise they no longer hold that promise. Often, we tackle marital breakdown and troubles from marital ignorance, lack of conflict resolution skills, financial crises, interference from family and in-laws etc. I have noticed that we also fail to check evil attacks and seduction of the underworld. The Bible says that the enemy comes to steal, kill, and destroy, but Jesus’ came to give us eternal and abundant life. 

We do not like to fight the enemy when there is no evidence of attack or problems, which is the devil’s sly and strategy

We do not like to fight the enemy when there is no evidence of attack or problems, which is the devil’s sly and strategy. It makes us relaxed and never thinks of prayer covering our good fortunes. Many marriages and couples suffer due to ego entanglements, seductive spirits, illegal evil attachments, divination, enchantment, and spiritual attack that could be prevented if we were discerning. Still, often the enemy penetrates us and only when we start to feel the pain and pinch that we realise something went wrong. 

often the enemy penetrates us and only when we start to feel the pain and pinch that we realise something went wrong 

Otherwise, how could we explain some demonic domestic abuse happening all over our cities and communities? I am not advocating that we become paranoid and see every issue in our marriage as an attack. Still, we must be vigilant, prayer cover and warfare for our partners, children, marriage, and family regularly.

Why not join us on our Facebook group to pray daily into your marriage? Prayer covers your spouse mind, soul, and body, protect your children in the supernatural and physical, and so when evil seeds drop, your prayers will quickly destroy them. When a satanic representative sees your family, your husband, they will not make a nest and rest in your territory.

We need men and women who will be vigilant in the supernatural, keeping the enemy out of our territory and waging war for our husband, wife, children, and community. A good marriage will make God happy and the enemy miserable. Now it looks like the enemy is rejoicing over marriages given the alarming rates of leakages of joy, peace, resources etc. God does not intervene, except we ask Him to do so today, make up your mind to wake up from the slumber of the enemy and pray.  

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3 tips to grow old gracefully and joyfully with your spouse

One of the principles of marriage that I hope many people and couples comprehend is its longevity and permanency. Still, somehow, our culture and tradition have found a way to make believe and deceive many people that marriage don’t last long. Some people do not see their marital relationship as the most important and superior to all other relationships in their life. Getting this notion and fact right creates a solid foundation for having a long and loving marriage. 

No wonder the Bible tells us that for this reason (marriage), a man shall leave his father and mother and cling to his wife. It is such a pity that many people do not abide by this command; they prefer to go with worldly views and sayings such as – “A wife can leave you, but your parents will never leave you”. How I wish I could tell every man and woman that statement is not entirely true, parents disown, and parents will and should go to heaven before children. So, parents will leave you, and it will be you and your wife or husband. Even the children you have together will flee the nest at some point.

One of the principles of marriage that I hope many people and couples grasp is its longevity and permanency

Marriage is built to last long; husband and wife will live together longer than they would ever have to live with their parents, friends, siblings, or neighbours if God gives them long life. Looking at the average age when people leave home to start living on their own or get married, we can comfortably say around age 18 – 27 years. We know that some people stay at home till around age 30, but no one in that situation would find it normal. 

However, couples who marry early and age well into their 90s and 100s can celebrate 70 years together, and most couples look forward to celebrating their golden jubilee, 50 years of living and doing life together. So, it is no surprise to see that a marriage relationship is the most important relationship we can have; not only is it intimate, which we cannot do with any member of our family, we totally become one with our spouse in the form of having a child or children together, that signifies two becoming one. There is no way you can separate yourself by dividing your children.

Marriage is built to last long; husband and wife will live together longer than they would ever live with their parents, friends, siblings, or neighbours.

Having a full understanding of the principle above and accepting that you and your wife want to live long, why would anyone not want that relationship to grow better and sweeter each day? 

I am looking forward to a long and rewarding marriage, so I am prepared to work and make my marriage sweet. Below are tips and suggestions you can engage to help you and your spouse grow together in love, mature and sweet an aged wine.

  1. Find ways to serve and not to be served – one of the acts in a marriage that removes selfishness is to find out why you are into that marriage. Are you to help your spouse, or are you there to be served? From the cultural influence and background, I grew up with, many of our male species believe marriage is to serve them while women get into the marriage having been trained to support and not expect to be helped. Some men want to get married, so they no longer have to respect the woman; they become overwhelmed with power and selfish because they are the head, and no one is above them in the marriage. Whether you are the head or not, we ought to follow the example of our Lord Jesus Christ; He is the head and creator of the universe, yet able to serve humbly and wash the feet of His disciples. I wonder if you can wash your wife’s dirty feet when she comes back from the market? We naturally want to serve as women, and I know I may be biased as I am a woman and speaking from my experience.

I wonder if you can wash your wife’s dirty feet when she comes back from the market?

  1. Find ways to bond and refuse separation – Growing together is like grafting another piece of a plant into the trunk of a tree. Before the grafting is complete, the two parts must be tied together for some time and continue to be tighter and nurtured for the bond to be strong enough to prevent the grafted plant from breaking away. Wedding day is the day of grafting, and it will take many years of care, nurture and intentional bonding for husband and wife to grow together. One of the ways they prevent perfect bonding is separation, physical, sexual, spiritual, emotional, psychological, financial, etc. Couples do not realise that a separation weakens their bond of love. Be on guard, never allow separation and always look for ways to bond; even when you have misunderstandings, remain together. The enemy uses lies and separations as a tool to cause disaffection. Don’t fall prey and if you are separated in any form, please find ways to bond. Sexual bonding is a way to start.  

Wedding day is the day of grafting, and it will take many years of care, nurture and intentional bonding for husband and wife to grow together.

  1. Find one reason to hold onto each other – Couples in marriages that celebrate 50+ years are not magicians; their marriage is not devoid of troubles or misunderstandings; they only resolve to hold onto each other and weather the storm together. Your spouse is not perfect, neither are you! Therefore, find one reason to keep hold of your spouse. There must be no reason to love your spouse: Paulo Coelho quotes it best “One is loved because one is loved. No reason is needed for loving”.

“One is loved because one is loved. No reason is needed for loving – Paulo Coelho”

My prayer and heart desire are for the truth of God to permeate every husband, wife, and marriage. You shall know the truth, and it will set you free. Many homes, families and unions have been destroyed by believing the enemy’s lies originating from evil cultural traditions and entrenchment. I pray the wind of change, illuminating light of God will seep into every darkness and bring joy, peace, and long-lasting marriages. 

A good and lasting marriage is a solid foundation for Godly children and society.

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5 Effective Tips on How to Love and Cherish Your Wife

Some years ago, I received a gift of a precious gem from my partner, and it was a birthstone gem with some bling attached to it. It was a gift I cherished, so I kept it safe and admired it a lot. Whenever I wear it, I am aware and will always be on the lookout, checking it’s not lost etc. The word cherish is important to women, and it is one of the words husbands’ vows during a marriage ceremony. I believe some people do not fully understand the word cherish nor grasp its depth and how it impacts a marriage. 

I believe some people do not fully understand the word cherish nor grasp its depth. 

The English dictionary defines CHERISH as caring and protecting someone lovingly. To hold dear and keep in mind and have hope or ambition. If I want to explain the word “to cherish” to a man, I would like to think the best thing to exemplify it is how a man loved his car, his wristwatch or some of their toy gadgets. I can attest to how some men I know care and cherish their vehicles. While a woman’s car may be scruffy, men usually ensure their vehicle is cleaned and serviced; they will not allow anyone to kick, stain or dirty this car. No matter how many times this car fails to work, the car will be taken to a mechanic to repair and restore it. No matter how many times this car has caused disappointment by not getting its owner to the destination, it was picked up to be repaired. Its value has not diminished to its owner, even though some people would look at this car and say what an old, rugged car, to its owner, its worth is not determined by the number of faults, failure, or age. It is simply an item that they treasure. This is what it means to love and cherish. 

“he is always present to protect and care for the gift God gave him and allowed him to choose so he will not blame God.“

Can you imagine a man that loves and cherishes his wife this way! It would mean there can never be abuse, no matter their differences and challenges; he is always present to protect and care for the gift God gave him and allowed him to choose so he will not blame God. 

I hope every man choosing a woman to love and cherish will grasp this understanding first and know the weight of the vow and commitment he is entering. No wonder the bible warned men to deal with women with care so that their prayers are not hindered. When a person’s prayers are delayed, the blessings are hindered. I pray many who are suffering today because of the way they have treated or treated the gift of God in their lives will get understanding. It is not a cliché but biblical: A Cherished wife is a treasure that will bring joy to her husband. 

5 Unusual but Effective Tips on How to Honour and Respect your Husband

No wonder the bible warned men to deal with women with care so that their prayers are not hindered

Below are five tips on how you can begin or continue to cherish your wife. 

  1. Do you have a conviction that your wife is your other half if not your better half – your wife one with you? Whatever you do to her will affect you. It is ignorant and unwise if you do not consider her part of you that’s not easily divided. I always illustrate with the children in a marriage; you cannot separate them. It is only with your wife that you become truly one. Your umbilical cord was severed from your mother and siblings, but you cannot sever your wife without getting hurt yourself. 
  2. Do not mistreat or abuse your wife; she is a treasure that God allowed you to have. A woman does not need to groan because of you – Make sure your wife is blessing you because of how you deal with her delicately. She is not a weak subordinate but delicate and so handled with care. Don’t let her sigh because heaven and earth will respond.
  3. Do genuinely care, protect, and shield your wife in a difficult situation – what you say to people about your wife, how you deal with her in public and how you fight her reveal whether you cherish your wife. Love covers a multitude of sins. A man’s virtuous woman is by their definition, and people will believe what you call your wife. 
  4. You cannot spoil her too much – once you get tip number one right, you will have no problem spending and providing for your wife. I am sure you cannot cloth, love or feed half of your body! You are not entirely clothed. How you treat your wife reflects on you. 
  5. Do recognise, she is a gift and your favour from God – your wife is your favour and a blessing; remember that: it will help you adore, cherish, and love her, especially if you recognise and believe God gave you this gift. 

As a husband or husband to be: How are you treating this gift and how would you cherish this woman? It reflects on you and on God too. 

Would you be proud to say I cherish and love my wife? 

Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendour, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way, husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church because we are members of his body.” (Ephesians 5:25-30)

I am a certified SYMBIS ASSESSMENT facilitator, and I would love to help you start your marriage right if you are getting married soon. If you are already married, I can also help you enrich your marriage by helping you and your partner understand how your personalities mesh. Saving Your Marriage Before IT Starts (SYMBIS) is a research-based questionnaire that couples take individually. We will generate a comprehensive report which I will help you unpack as your facilitator.

Research has shown that the couple who took the assessment reduced the divorce rate by 31%, saving one-third of couples whose marriage could have ended in divorce. Still, because they took the assessment, they were well prepared and avoided pitfalls while maximising the full potential of their relationships. 

Would you mind clicking the link below to learn more about SYMBIS and how you can take the assessment and start enjoying your marriage? Take Symbis Assessment

Over 1,000,000 couples and 100,000 pastors and counsellors cannot be wrong: SYMBIS is the most widely used pre-marital assessment in existence. SYMBIS+ is excellent for already married couples.

What SYMBIS does is nothing short of revolutionary – Gary Chapman author of The Five Love Languages 

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Are you longing for inspiration for your life and marriage? Learning new skills and acquiring knowledge can greatly improve your relationship with your spouse. When you know better, you can do better and make a big difference in your relationship. Subscribe to updates from Abi here!

Abi Apalara loves sharing insightful information that helps couples flourish in life and their marriage relationship. I have enjoyed both good marital pleasures and challenging times in my marriage. I came to realise, the points where I missed it, were areas I lacked information on how to.

Making it up along the way, only meant I was going the wrong way. Desperately seeking to get back into marital bliss, I started exploring and reading about those areas of challenge. I also reached out to counselors and began to see what I was missing.
After a surprising move into relationship study, I have found peace of mind and happy with my marriage. I have authored the book Are you ready? Marriage expectation versus realty to share my experience and encourage men and women to work on their
marriages, by seeking knowledge and apply it to their marriage relationship.


My latest book, Are you ready? Marriage expectation versus reality focuses on discovering some of the unrealistic expectations we bring into a marriage. It comes with practical advice and a guide on how to get it right before and after getting married. You can also preorder the book here