Once in a while, we wonder how and why human relationships seem complex and different? I heard a story recently of a man who was unhappy with his wife and felt the wife did not respect him because she did not serve his food in a particular way. He felt disrespected and humiliated rather than honoured as a husband. Oh, there was a lot of disapproval and criticism of the wife’s action, and some people even advised the man to send the wife back to her parents for lack of home training. Ironically so many others and even some men commented and were not bothered if they get served with trays, gold dishes, best cutlery etc.
What a man considered an honour, respect, or lack of it might not necessarily mean the same for another man
Reading the various comments got me thinking why what a man considered an honour, respect, or lack of it might not necessarily mean the same for another man. It is now left to the woman to find out and define what her husband may consider as respect, honour, or lack of it. That is why offering advice on how to do marriage can be a challenge, as what works for me may not necessarily work for you. So many factors contribute to giving and receiving the honour, respect, or lack thereof. Today, my suggestions are based on the scriptural references and what we could consider foundational or universally agreed-on forms of honour. It would not be absolute for everyone, but I can assure you that it will help us be better wives to our husbands.
Men love honour and respect; tell me if anyone does not want to be appreciated, praised or held in high esteem and adored!
Men love honour and respect; tell me if anyone does not want to be appreciated, praised, or held in high esteem and adored! Every man deserves respect and recognition but not every man understands the responsibility or have the capability and behaviours that produce honour, respect and adoration. That is why as women, we must teach ourselves, encourage, and intentionally honour and respect our husbands even when they fall short of behaviours that would naturally aid us in applauding them.
Below are five tips:
- Do regard your husband as the head of your family – the Lord has bestowed headship on the man from the beginning, and that is not contestable if we are in a Godly marriage. The head of an organisation is responsible for the success and failure of that entity, but in marriage, success and failure are often left to women. Sometimes, we may get carried away trying to make the marriage work and usurp power that causes great dishonour to our heads.
- Do shower your husband with praises – compliments work magic on anyone; even in the bible, we hear David referred to as the man after God’s heart; why? Because David knew how to praise God. Even when he complained or asked God to punish him, he still found a space to worship and praise God. Consequently, when he errs, God forgives him and rebuked his enemies. It is effortless to criticise, but we must learn to honour and applaud our husbands for the things they do and sometimes do not do. I am learning and checking. Have I been praised ten times before I raised my one complaint? Let us know to praise and the thankful in all situations.
- Do refrain from correction but gently advise if he is in error – this one goes against our nature as women because we are naturally able to nurture and correct. As women, we raised our children, both boys and girls alike, so it can be a little challenging for us to refrain from correcting our husbands. On the other hand, men are used to their mum correcting them; now that they are married, they don’t want another woman fixing them, some of them are happy they escaped from the criticism of their mothers only to get it from their wives. Do you understand why men do not like to receive criticism from their wives?
- Make him your number one go-to adviser – I am not sure if this applies to all men. Still, I have found out that some men love to be regarded as the wisest, so seeking advice and letting your husband know you need him more than anyone else, especially another male mentor, can be a plus. Secretly our husbands want to be our best mentors, but sometimes some of them fall short and do not know how to measure up or mentor us.
- Be so proud of your husband and let the world know he is the best husband ever – “My husband is the best husband ever” is a phrase every husband would love to hear, especially if said behind their back, and then they get to hear about it. It makes them feel honoured, adored and proud. It is easy to say you are the best when indeed you are the best, but not so easy when we have to say that statement by faith calling those things that be not as though they are. However, someone’s definition of best is again subjective.
“My husband is the best husband ever” how about you? Would you make this your slogan from now on?
