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A Gentle Giant in Marriage

Meekness is an attitude required for a successful and peaceful marriage, and every so often, some of us have not made conscious efforts to develop it. We habitually think people are meek and gentle by nature, but these are attributes that everyone can cultivate. I love watching documentaries on oceans, forests and environments in general. I have seen that one of the biggest fish in our sea – the whale shark, even though giants feed on the smallest planktons, crabs and small fish, posing no danger to humans. These whale sharks are gentle despite their enormous size. I often wonder if these creatures were to unleash their full force on other animals in the sea, would there be any safe place for other fishes? That picture is what I have in mind while writing you my readers today about meekness. Being gentle and able to control the power and force we have to keep peace, calm and tranquillity in our environment is golden. 

Being gentle and able to control the power and force we have to keep peace, calm and tranquillity in our environment is golden. 

Many spouses are unaware of how we disturb the peace in our homes and make it unsafe for our families due to our demeanour, authority, and power exhibition. 

Some prominent people are genuinely gentle giants, for example we have Presidents of countries or majority leaders; these people have what it takes to crush another person because of their size, power, or status, but they are conscious that people are intimidated even without saying a word. Hence, they make a conscious effort to put people at ease in their presence. In some families, the most dominant person may not be aware that their presence alone commands fear; on top of that, they roar and terrify those they ought to protect and most times, they are unaware that what they are doing is frightening. In their minds, they control and put the home in order; both spouses fall into this group. The voice of men, words of women and how they use it can cause trouble and lack of peace in homes. 

The voice of men, words of women and how they use it can cause trouble and lack of peace in homes.

Research has shown that the male voice can be scarier to women and not attractive but somewhat threatening. A deep male voice shows masculinity, dominance, and it is more to do with threatening other males away from their pack. 

“Human male traits imply physical aggression and formidability and provide competitive advantages in fighting or threatening other men more than they help attract women”.[1]

Many children are afraid to approach parents not because of what they did or not, but primarily due to fear and intimidation arising from the way we speak and command them. 

I want to encourage any dominant spouse, especially if you are a male, to consider how they may be intimidating their family unknowingly, and some people do it knowingly. Would you please choose to put your power under control and desire to be a meek and gentle person? Be a gentle giant; that is not going to diminish the awe and respect you get. Imagine a strong man carrying a new baby who is helpless and fragile, trying to make sure they are as gentle and careful as possible. Using their whole strength could hurt that child intentionally; this is the picture of a meek and gentle person. 

Jesus Christ is meek and our role model for being patient, calm, and living with restraint considering the fragility of people he created and loved. 

Jesus Christ is meek and our role model for being patient, calm, and living with restraint considering the fragility of people he created and loved.

Meekness is a positive attitude every husband and wife must put on; it is not natural but we develop and grow to become meek. I would encourage husbands to consider developing a meek attitude because; they are in a position of authority in marriage. Being masculine makes husbands stronger than wives physically most times, and they can dominate and control wives and children. Some husbands use the natural strength they ought to use to protect their family to hurt them because they are not meek and gentle. To be meek means being calm when provoked and recognising that using their strength can and will injure their family.

To be meek means being calm when provoked and recognising that using their strength can and will injure their family.

Wives also need to have a meek spirit and avoid using the weapon (tongue) to crush our spouses. Even though our tongue is a small member of the body, it can destroy a giant. Controlling our tongue will be another development area for some of us who have our way with words. Though a minor member of our body, our tongue is a giant when it comes to verbal assault. We must learn to control and not unleash the power of our tongue destructively. Have you ever wondered if you are meek person? I would encourage you to reflect and desire to become a meek person as Jesus admonished. 

Below are a few scriptures you could meditate upon to help develop a patient attitude.

  • So, as those who have been chosen of God, holy and beloved, put on a heart of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience; Colossians 3:12
  • Therefore I, the prisoner of the Lord, implore you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling with which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, showing tolerance for one another in love, Ephesians 4:1-2
  • The Lord’s bond-servant must not be quarrelsome, but be kind to all, able to teach, patient when wronged, with gentleness correcting those who are in opposition, if perhaps God may grant them repentance leading to the knowledge of the truth, 2 Timothy 2:24-25
  • But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law. Galatians 5:22-23

To change or renew our mind, we must meditate on the word of God, it is the only potent tool of deliverance along side praying that the Holy Spirit help us to understand the word and have a soft and obedient heart. 

I am a certified SYMBIS ASSESSMENT facilitator, and I would love to help you start your marriage right if you are getting married soon. If you are already married, I can also help you enrich your marriage by helping you and your partner understand how your personalities mesh. Saving Your Marriage Before IT Starts (SYMBIS) is a research-based questionnaire that couples take individually. We will generate a comprehensive report which I will help you unpack as your facilitator.

Research has shown that the couple who took the assessment reduced the divorce rate by 31%, saving one-third of couples whose marriage could have ended in divorce. Still, because they took the assessment, they were well prepared and avoided pitfalls while maximising the full potential of their relationships.

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The Meaning of Marriage: The Excellent Way

Recently, my family and I attended a wedding and on the way to her school the following Monday, my daughter commented about the new family and that they have a big family now. I asked her why she made that comment, and we discussed the importance of marriage was not only about having children, but the real value in marriage is companionship. When people get married, they often look forward to having children, and that is a blessing and fruit of marriage; I wish for everyone, but marriage itself is not only for childbearing. Marriage has more to do with having a life partner journey through life’s up and down like a roller coaster. It is so sad when I see marriages ruined and destroyed due to a lack of understanding of the meaning of marriage. 

Marriage has more to do with having a life partner journey through life’s up and down like a roller coaster.

For example, when people divorce due to childlessness, some couples forget to strengthen their friendships and focus on pouring their attention and love on children, thereby neglecting each other. When the children flee the nest, which they will all do, the couple now realises they are no longer friends and have grown apart as they missed the opportunity to deepen their love for each other.

What then is the meaning of marriage, you may ask?

Marriage is a personal relationship that is all-encompassing, all-embracing, a total face to face, person to person experience that transcends all other relationships. It involves two people developing strong feelings for each other; throughout the marriage, the emotions may be both positive and negative, but sure, in the beginning, it is usually upbeat. We have many other personal relationships as humans, but marriage is the primary relationship because it is distinct, sexual, comprehensive, and a permanent relationship. We have relationships with our employers, relationships with friends, relationship as a customer or belonging to religious or social groups. These relationships can be ended at any time by either party, unlike a marriage. All other personal relationships provide us with the much need for affiliation and gratification; research has shown that only in marriage can we have the most satisfaction in life. 

All other personal relationships provide us with the much need for affiliation and gratification; research has shown that only in marriage can we have the most satisfaction in life.

Life consists of several roles within different institutional settings, and every man wants to be relevant in these settings. We have roles to play on religious grounds, e.g. in church, political roles in our communities, economic roles in our corporate jobs and marital roles in our marriage, parental roles in the family and many other parts we play. Out of all these roles, two major ones take a chunk of our time and life, economic or career and marriage/family life. On average, a man spends 40 hours at work and work for forty to fifty years. Asking someone what they do can be the most gratifying question to ask if they are in a good role and earning good income. People are proud to show off their career achievements. The other part that takes our time and energy is our marriage, our family life. A homemaker or husband, for example, would invest all their time and lifetime into the marriage. 

A homemaker or husband, for example, would invest all their time and lifetime into the marriage.

Still, when asked if they are proud housewives or husbands, society may make them feel it is not that important, compared with the unquestionably economic role.  The question is which part is more important, and this is what differentiates the attitude people have toward the meaning of marriage. Yes, early in life, people see economic prominence as more critical and invest more time and energy and too often to the detriment of their marital role. However, research had shown that towards the tail end of life, couples revealed what brings the greatest satisfaction in life: the family relationship ranked highest in a study. The greatest regrets people have on their deathbed are not spending more time making money or working, but I wish I had spent more time with family.

The greatest regrets people have on their deathbed are not spending more time making money or working, but I wish I had spent more time with family.

Even when we evaluate a man or woman primarily by career, it hurts when one hears,” he/she is the most successful employee or politician, but what kind of husband/wife or father/mother is he/she?

Would you consider where your marriage and family life rank on your priority list and what value you attach to it?  From the table below, if the expected source of greatest life satisfaction is family relations, why are people not investing much time and energy in the source of our pleasure? No wonder many people are so disappointed and unhappy with their family life. If research implies 60% of men and 87% of women want satisfaction from family relations, can we check how much time and resources go into our family relationship building? Many people invest very little time and effort into building their marriage and family and are expecting 60% of satisfaction. 

Many people invest very little time and effort into building their marriage and family and are expecting 60% of satisfaction.

Yes, economic activities are essential, but we must carve out time and resources if we want to reap the benefit of marriage.   I urge you today to check and measure the input of resources and time you give to your marriage in contrast to your career. Remember, people’s most significant source of satisfaction is a healthy and beautiful marriage and family life. 

What will it profit is at the end if; you are the best worker or philanthropist but the worst father or mother? 

Table 1 

Expected Source of Greatest Satisfaction in Life Reported by College Men and Women

Expected source of greatest satisfaction MenWomen
Family Relations60%87%
Career31%6%
Leisure time / recreation activities42
Religious belief and activities34
Participation as citizen in community affairs1*
Participation in activities directed toward national or international betterment 11
Number of cases 629407
Source Marriage -Robert O Blood JR.

I am a certified SYMBIS ASSESSMENT facilitator, and I would love to help you start your marriage right if you are getting married soon. If you are already married, I can also help you enrich your marriage by helping you and your partner understand how your personalities mesh. Saving Your Marriage Before IT Starts (SYMBIS) is a research-based questionnaire that couples take individually. We will generate a comprehensive report which I will help you unpack as your facilitator.

Research has shown that the couple who took the assessment reduced the divorce rate by 31%, saving one-third of couples whose marriage could have ended in divorce. Still, because they took the assessment, they were well prepared and avoided pitfalls while maximising the full potential of their relationships. 

Would you mind clicking the link below to learn more about SYMBIS and how you can take the assessment and start enjoying your marriage? Take Symbis Assessment

Over 1,000,000 couples and 100,000 pastors and counsellors cannot be wrong: SYMBIS is the most widely used pre-marital assessment in existence. SYMBIS+ is excellent for already married couples.

What SYMBIS does is nothing short of revolutionary – Gary Chapman author of The Five Love Languages 

Please let me know if you are blessed, by liking the post, share and comment.

Are you longing for inspiration for your life and marriage? Learning new skills and acquiring knowledge can greatly improve your relationship with your spouse. When you know better, you can do better and make a big difference in your relationship. Subscribe to updates from Abi here!

Abi Apalara loves sharing insightful information that helps couples flourish in life and their marriage relationship. I have enjoyed both good marital pleasures and challenging times in my marriage. I came to realise, the points where I missed it, were areas I lacked information on how to.

Making it up along the way, only meant I was going the wrong way. Desperately seeking to get back into marital bliss, I started exploring and reading about those areas of challenge. I also reached out to counselors and began to see what I was missing.
After a surprising move into relationship study, I have found peace of mind and happy with my marriage. I have authored the book Are you ready? Marriage expectation versus realty to share my experience and encourage men and women to work on their
marriages, by seeking knowledge and apply it to their marriage relationship.


My latest book, Are you ready? Marriage expectation versus reality focuses on discovering some of the unrealistic expectations we bring into a marriage. It comes with practical advice and a guide on how to get it right before and after getting married. You can also preorder the book here

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4 key Principles to Developing a Successful Marriage

Marriage is universal couples worldwide from different cultures and races marry and face the same marital challenges. The divorce rate is not unique to one group of people; it may be skewed in some religions or cultures due to beliefs and other issues such as shaming etc. Nonetheless, marriage is universal, so no couple experiencing challenges is unique. Couples have fought over many issues and divorced; others have fought over the same problems and used them to strengthen the bond of their union. The issues that happen to us are universal; how we handle and react to them greatly depends on our environment, core belief, and determination to succeed out of our marriages. Why do some couples succeed, and others fail in marriage? It is the principles, values, and commitment that they hold fast and true. 

We need to start teaching the basic principles that guide and help relationships become successful.

Some of these principles are easy, but because we have not become aware of them as principles, people often break them and expect their relationships to turn outright still. No, we need to start teaching the basic principles that guide and help relationships become successful. For example, there is the law of gravity that governs our world. Everyone is subject to gravity and breaking the law of gravity means a fall will result. Depending on the height of the fall, the result can be devastating. Now imagine if a head of state decides to fall from a very high place, title and position will not stop the law of gravity. This applies to the rules of love, relationships, respect, and commitment. A spouse cannot break the laws of love and expect to reap the rewards because of title or position. 

We must learn to understand the principles that govern life, make relationships work, and abide by them to maximise our relationships and enjoy marital bliss.

It is incredible and somewhat absurd when I hear some partners say I deserved to be respected or loved even if my behaviours are utterly disrespectful and unloving because I am married to my spouse. We must learn to understand the principles that govern life, make relationships work, and abide by them to maximise our relationships and enjoy marital bliss. Human relationships are complex and varied, so there are many principles, but ultimately, the bible has helped sum them up into two main streams: love your God and love your neighbour as yourself. Let us look at four principles concerning handling conflict and resolving issues in our marriage to develop a successful union. 

Principle 1 – Take it to God first. 

No amount of courtship and dating will prevent misunderstanding between married couples. When misunderstanding happens, our first instinct is to talk to people around us, and if unresolved, we escalate and escalate until we realise, we need to talk to God. People cannot save us; most times, people’s intention to help us resolve issues in our marriage inadvertently hurt our marriages. Husbands and wives must decide to talk to God first, check what the word of God says about the issue you have at hand. The word of God has the best solution to help you and your spouse. I heard many stories of couples who had issues and went to speak to people and misadvised. 

The word of God has the best solution to help you and your spouse.

Even on the social media platforms, I have seen where people seek advice, and they are told to do things that negate the word of God. For example, someone counselled a partner not to have sexual intimacy with the other because that may cause the problem. The word of God says, what God has joined together, let know one put asunder. Yet many people are counselled by family and friends to separate, deny, or starve the other in other to resolve an issue. How many homes have been destroyed by wrongs and counsels that negate the word of God? Please go to God first and ensure counsels given by others are in line with the word of God. We need counsellors, but they must lead us to God. It is better if husbands and wives go to God first. 

Principle 2 – Pray and Fast.

Pray about your problems more than you talk about them. If we can turn every opportunity, we feel like talking about our issues to praying, God will answer. We must also learn to fast from time to time and trust God to intervene. Let husbands and wives stop talking about problems but ask God to help in prayers. If friends ask how they can help, please ask them to pray instead of intervening by talking. 

Principle 3 -Check and align the tenets you are breaking.

Every problem results from a broken principle; therefore, husbands and wives must sit down and consider what code they are breaking. It could be communication, love, or boundaries. The principle of love is the most common principle of marriage couples break and wonder why they have problems. Love covers a multitude of sins. The bible said multitude, meaning many mistakes will happen, but when husbands and wives love each other, it will cover those sins. So, if your marital problems persist, would you want to check how you love your spouse? 

Principle 4 – Marital problem is not unique to you. 

1 Corinthians 10:13, NLT: “The temptations in your life are no different from what others experience. And God is faithful. He will not allow the temptation to be more than you can stand. When you are tempted, he will show you a way out so that you can endure.” This scripture expressly tells us there is no unique problem in any marriage; every single problem any couple is facing now, many other are facing and working it out. Hence there is no problem without solutions, don’t look at your issues as if they are mountains that no one else has crossed. They can and will be surmounted if you are determined and follow Godly principles.

I am a certified SYMBIS ASSESSMENT facilitator, and I would love to help you start your marriage right if you are getting married soon. If you are already married, I can also help you enrich your marriage by helping you and your partner understand how your personalities mesh. Saving Your Marriage Before IT Starts (SYMBIS) is a research-based questionnaire that couples take individually. We will generate a comprehensive report which I will help you unpack as your facilitator.

Research has shown that the couple who took the assessment reduced the divorce rate by 31%, saving one-third of couples whose marriage could have ended in divorce. Still, because they took the assessment, they were well prepared and avoided pitfalls while maximising the full potential of their relationships. 

Would you mind clicking the link below to learn more about SYMBIS and how you can take the assessment and start enjoying your marriage? Take Symbis Assessment

Over 1,000,000 couples and 100,000 pastors and counsellors cannot be wrong: SYMBIS is the most widely used pre-marital assessment in existence. SYMBIS+ is excellent for already married couples.

What SYMBIS does is nothing short of revolutionary – Gary Chapman author of The Five Love Languages 

Please let me know if you are blessed, by liking the post, share and comment.

Are you longing for inspiration for your life and marriage? Learning new skills and acquiring knowledge can greatly improve your relationship with your spouse. When you know better, you can do better and make a big difference in your relationship. Subscribe to updates from Abi here!

Abi Apalara loves sharing insightful information that helps couples flourish in life and their marriage relationship. I have enjoyed both good marital pleasures and challenging times in my marriage. I came to realise, the points where I missed it, were areas I lacked information on how to.

Making it up along the way, only meant I was going the wrong way. Desperately seeking to get back into marital bliss, I started exploring and reading about those areas of challenge. I also reached out to counselors and began to see what I was missing.
After a surprising move into relationship study, I have found peace of mind and happy with my marriage. I have authored the book Are you ready? Marriage expectation versus realty to share my experience and encourage men and women to work on their
marriages, by seeking knowledge and apply it to their marriage relationship.


My latest book, Are you ready? Marriage expectation versus reality focuses on discovering some of the unrealistic expectations we bring into a marriage. It comes with practical advice and a guide on how to get it right before and after getting married. You can also preorder the book here

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Your Marriage Problem is Your Opportunity to Grow

The problem you face in your life and marriage is not going away because you have refused to understand the lesson God wants you to learn, to become a better version of yourself. 

I have often realised the problems I encountered many times in my life were for me to discover a lesson, have testimony and story to tell and be a blessing to many others. 

A good teacher may have all the knowledge and skills, but a great and compassionate teacher has gone through the issues, experienced and triumphed. Such a teacher and mentor will be able to empathise with their students and mentee. When I got married, we did not have children straight away; there was a waiting period, and during this period, I learnt how to cherish the gift of children because I sought it and relied on God for the fruit of the womb. 

I have often realised the problems I encountered many times in my life were for me to discover a lesson, have testimony and story to tell and be a blessing to many others. 

Even though my husband and I were comfortable financially, we realised our limitations regarding what money can buy and what money cannot buy. We learnt to trust God, who gives children no matter how we bring them into the world. When our children arrived, it made me appreciate God’s faithfulness even more. I took the opportunity to enjoy a beautiful time and choose to make memories with our children deliberately. I have always told people close to me that I probably would not have taken parenting seriously and enjoyed it had I not waited to have children. What was the purpose of my waiting period? During this time, I had to develop an unwavering faith and learned to trust God’s sovereignty; no one can demand a child from God unless He gives it.  My testimony has now become a story that glorifies God and brings hope to many families I daily encounter. I work within a team, and we have supported hundreds of women waiting on the Lord. 

We learnt to trust God, who gives children no matter how we bring them into the world.

Oh, the testimonies we have shared and many more on the way for those still waiting. The point I am making here is that the challenges you face in your marriage are for you to grow, learn, and overcome to help others who will go through the same. 

Are you dealing with a problematic and unforgiving partner? An unloving spouse? A painful and joyless marriage? A childless marriage?  Whatever the challenge you may have right now if you change your focus from Why me Lord? To what am I supposed to learn from this experience? What do I need to change, and how do I come out with a testimony?  I can assure you, the problems we face are a goldmine of opportunity for us to grow and become a better version of ourselves. Unfortunately, many people fight the wrong battle. We fight our spouses and stubbornly want to change the other person. We must learn to look inward and see what we can change and become better people. No wonder the Bible said, we are trying to remove a speck in someone’s eyes, but we have a log in our eyes. ( paraphrased).

I can assure you, the problems we face are a goldmine of opportunity to grow and become a better version of ourselves.

Jesus Christ, our Lord and saviour who is our role model, had to become one of us, go through the ridicule, pain, and shame so that we have an advocate who knows our weaknesses and able to have compassion on us. He gives mercy and deals with us compassionately because he knows our frame and our ways. 

So, if your spouse is constantly annoying you, your growth area may be having more patience. If your spouse is continuously offending you, your growth area requires you to learn to overlook offences and forgive quickly. If your spouse is a spendthrift or frugal, your growth area may be money management and so on. 

I want to encourage you today to grow through your challenges, do not try to change your partner; instead, you grow to accommodate those habits that irritate you. You will become a kind, loving, and accommodating spouse. Is this not what daily renewing our mind means, loving our neighbour, and learning to live in love with all men?   

I want to encourage you today to grow through your challenges, do not try to change your partner.

It is time to grow and stop burrowing through your challenges. 

I am a certified SYMBIS ASSESSMENT facilitator, and I would love to help you start your marriage right if you are getting married soon. If you are already married, I can also help you enrich your marriage by helping you and your partner understand how your personalities mesh. Saving Your Marriage Before IT Starts (SYMBIS) is a research-based questionnaire that couples take individually. We will generate a comprehensive report which I will help you unpack as your facilitator.

Research has shown that the couple who took the assessment reduced the divorce rate by 31%, saving one-third of couples whose marriage could have ended in divorce. Still, because they took the assessment, they were well prepared and avoided pitfalls while maximising the full potential of their relationships. 

Would you mind clicking the link below to learn more about SYMBIS and how you can take the assessment and start enjoying your marriage? Take Symbis Assessment

Over 1,000,000 couples and 100,000 pastors and counsellors cannot be wrong: SYMBIS is the most widely used pre-marital assessment in existence. SYMBIS+ is excellent for already married couples.

What SYMBIS does is nothing short of revolutionary – Gary Chapman author of The Five Love Languages 

Please let me know if you are blessed, by liking the post, share and comment.

Are you longing for inspiration for your life and marriage? Learning new skills and acquiring knowledge can greatly improve your relationship with your spouse. When you know better, you can do better and make a big difference in your relationship. Subscribe to updates from Abi here!

Abi Apalara loves sharing insightful information that helps couples flourish in life and their marriage relationship. I have enjoyed both good marital pleasures and challenging times in my marriage. I came to realise, the points where I missed it, were areas I lacked information on how to.

Making it up along the way, only meant I was going the wrong way. Desperately seeking to get back into marital bliss, I started exploring and reading about those areas of challenge. I also reached out to counselors and began to see what I was missing.
After a surprising move into relationship study, I have found peace of mind and happy with my marriage. I have authored the book Are you ready? Marriage expectation versus realty to share my experience and encourage men and women to work on their
marriages, by seeking knowledge and apply it to their marriage relationship.


My latest book, Are you ready? Marriage expectation versus reality focuses on discovering some of the unrealistic expectations we bring into a marriage. It comes with practical advice and a guide on how to get it right before and after getting married. You can also preorder the book here