Marriage is universal couples worldwide from different cultures and races marry and face the same marital challenges. The divorce rate is not unique to one group of people; it may be skewed in some religions or cultures due to beliefs and other issues such as shaming etc. Nonetheless, marriage is universal, so no couple experiencing challenges is unique. Couples have fought over many issues and divorced; others have fought over the same problems and used them to strengthen the bond of their union. The issues that happen to us are universal; how we handle and react to them greatly depends on our environment, core belief, and determination to succeed out of our marriages. Why do some couples succeed, and others fail in marriage? It is the principles, values, and commitment that they hold fast and true.
We need to start teaching the basic principles that guide and help relationships become successful.
Some of these principles are easy, but because we have not become aware of them as principles, people often break them and expect their relationships to turn outright still. No, we need to start teaching the basic principles that guide and help relationships become successful. For example, there is the law of gravity that governs our world. Everyone is subject to gravity and breaking the law of gravity means a fall will result. Depending on the height of the fall, the result can be devastating. Now imagine if a head of state decides to fall from a very high place, title and position will not stop the law of gravity. This applies to the rules of love, relationships, respect, and commitment. A spouse cannot break the laws of love and expect to reap the rewards because of title or position.
We must learn to understand the principles that govern life, make relationships work, and abide by them to maximise our relationships and enjoy marital bliss.
It is incredible and somewhat absurd when I hear some partners say I deserved to be respected or loved even if my behaviours are utterly disrespectful and unloving because I am married to my spouse. We must learn to understand the principles that govern life, make relationships work, and abide by them to maximise our relationships and enjoy marital bliss. Human relationships are complex and varied, so there are many principles, but ultimately, the bible has helped sum them up into two main streams: love your God and love your neighbour as yourself. Let us look at four principles concerning handling conflict and resolving issues in our marriage to develop a successful union.
Principle 1 – Take it to God first.
No amount of courtship and dating will prevent misunderstanding between married couples. When misunderstanding happens, our first instinct is to talk to people around us, and if unresolved, we escalate and escalate until we realise, we need to talk to God. People cannot save us; most times, people’s intention to help us resolve issues in our marriage inadvertently hurt our marriages. Husbands and wives must decide to talk to God first, check what the word of God says about the issue you have at hand. The word of God has the best solution to help you and your spouse. I heard many stories of couples who had issues and went to speak to people and misadvised.
The word of God has the best solution to help you and your spouse.
Even on the social media platforms, I have seen where people seek advice, and they are told to do things that negate the word of God. For example, someone counselled a partner not to have sexual intimacy with the other because that may cause the problem. The word of God says, what God has joined together, let know one put asunder. Yet many people are counselled by family and friends to separate, deny, or starve the other in other to resolve an issue. How many homes have been destroyed by wrongs and counsels that negate the word of God? Please go to God first and ensure counsels given by others are in line with the word of God. We need counsellors, but they must lead us to God. It is better if husbands and wives go to God first.
Principle 2 – Pray and Fast.
Pray about your problems more than you talk about them. If we can turn every opportunity, we feel like talking about our issues to praying, God will answer. We must also learn to fast from time to time and trust God to intervene. Let husbands and wives stop talking about problems but ask God to help in prayers. If friends ask how they can help, please ask them to pray instead of intervening by talking.
Principle 3 -Check and align the tenets you are breaking.
Every problem results from a broken principle; therefore, husbands and wives must sit down and consider what code they are breaking. It could be communication, love, or boundaries. The principle of love is the most common principle of marriage couples break and wonder why they have problems. Love covers a multitude of sins. The bible said multitude, meaning many mistakes will happen, but when husbands and wives love each other, it will cover those sins. So, if your marital problems persist, would you want to check how you love your spouse?
Principle 4 – Marital problem is not unique to you.
1 Corinthians 10:13, NLT: “The temptations in your life are no different from what others experience. And God is faithful. He will not allow the temptation to be more than you can stand. When you are tempted, he will show you a way out so that you can endure.” This scripture expressly tells us there is no unique problem in any marriage; every single problem any couple is facing now, many other are facing and working it out. Hence there is no problem without solutions, don’t look at your issues as if they are mountains that no one else has crossed. They can and will be surmounted if you are determined and follow Godly principles.
I am a certified SYMBIS ASSESSMENT facilitator, and I would love to help you start your marriage right if you are getting married soon. If you are already married, I can also help you enrich your marriage by helping you and your partner understand how your personalities mesh. Saving Your Marriage Before IT Starts (SYMBIS) is a research-based questionnaire that couples take individually. We will generate a comprehensive report which I will help you unpack as your facilitator.
Research has shown that the couple who took the assessment reduced the divorce rate by 31%, saving one-third of couples whose marriage could have ended in divorce. Still, because they took the assessment, they were well prepared and avoided pitfalls while maximising the full potential of their relationships.
Would you mind clicking the link below to learn more about SYMBIS and how you can take the assessment and start enjoying your marriage? Take Symbis Assessment
Over 1,000,000 couples and 100,000 pastors and counsellors cannot be wrong: SYMBIS is the most widely used pre-marital assessment in existence. SYMBIS+ is excellent for already married couples.
What SYMBIS does is nothing short of revolutionary – Gary Chapman author of The Five Love Languages
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Abi Apalara loves sharing insightful information that helps couples flourish in life and their marriage relationship. I have enjoyed both good marital pleasures and challenging times in my marriage. I came to realise, the points where I missed it, were areas I lacked information on how to.
Making it up along the way, only meant I was going the wrong way. Desperately seeking to get back into marital bliss, I started exploring and reading about those areas of challenge. I also reached out to counselors and began to see what I was missing.
After a surprising move into relationship study, I have found peace of mind and happy with my marriage. I have authored the book Are you ready? Marriage expectation versus realty to share my experience and encourage men and women to work on their
marriages, by seeking knowledge and apply it to their marriage relationship.
My latest book, Are you ready? Marriage expectation versus reality focuses on discovering some of the unrealistic expectations we bring into a marriage. It comes with practical advice and a guide on how to get it right before and after getting married. You can also preorder the book here