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Seven common behaviours sabotaging your marriage relationships

Many people are aware of behaviours that jeopardise relationships and are keen to avoid those behaviours when it comes to professional life and friendship outside of marriage. For some strange reason, people are very comfortable with behaviours that damage relationships within marriage. If you have been following my blog, you will realise that I often use illustrations around how organisations work and relate that to success within our marriages. 

If people can get along and work with difficult people in places of work, what stops them from continuing with those good behaviours at home?

I am often perplexed when I see harmful behaviours amongst professionals and some who are not professionals, especially regarding how they relate to their spouses. I have seen spouses who have female bosses respect and speak to them kindly at work, and when they get home, they have no iota of respect for their partners. They shout, scream, and throw tantrums such that we wonder how they can speak calmly with other colleagues at work. I want to believe familiarity breeds contempt, but many people are aware of the consequences of contempt of the law in court or at work; hence they can moderate their behaviours in those places, even under intense interrogation.

Every couple who desires a solid and beautiful relationship must become aware of these behaviours and stop doing them now!

Many partners have male bosses and can accommodate and work with them to achieve targets, yet at home, their spouse may consider them as having no clue how to make decisions and unable to get along making decisions. I often ask myself and my husband these questions: If people can get along and work with difficult people in places of work, what stops them from continuing with those good behaviours at home? Every couple who desires a solid and beautiful relationship must become aware of these behaviours and stop doing them now. 

However, as easy as that may sound, many people cannot break these habits because they are rooted in issues more profound than just the surface reaction. The truth is most of these behaviours in marriage stems from fear, self-esteem issue and vulnerability, which separate marriage from other relationships. 

Having read so many books and listened to other experts speak on this topic, I can summarise the common seven behaviours that couples have which sabotage their relationships as:

  1. Lack of respect for each other.
  2. Speaking harshly, screaming, and shouting at your spouse.
  3. Taking each other’s needs for granted.
  4. Holding grudges, keeping malice, inability to sit down and talk the issue through.
  5. Refusing food, sex, and activities you usually do together as a couple.
  6. Creating division, separation, and resentment due to misunderstandings.
  7. Overly critical of each other and inability to forgive and move on with life.

No marriage will work if couples don’t put effort into nurturing their relationship, respecting each other…

These are seven behaviours of many that people may or may not be aware of, consciously or unconsciously do in their marriage that is self-sabotaging. Whether at work level, friendship level, parent/child or husband and wife, every relationship requires intentionality to sustain and grow that bond. Some people would put effort into parent/child or friendship with colleagues, church members, and neighbours but starve their marriage relationship, expecting it to happen because they are married. They stop dating and courting themselves, yet, they are hoping to have a magnificent relationship. 

When problems arise, rather than fixing the relationship, they will spend time with friends, neighbours, and work colleagues to escape misery. Some will bury their heads into work to avoid repairing or working on their marriage. No marriage will work if couples don’t put effort into nurturing their relationship, respecting each other, and weed out bad habits. At the centre of every successful and happy marriage are couples who consciously stay positive, act, and improve their relationships. 

Let’s reflect on a couple of questions below:

If you are in a relationship that is not happy, what are you doing to nurture your friendship with your spouse? 

What are you expecting from your marriage relationship, and what are your contributions to making that happen? 

If you do not plan to succeed, you have prepared to fail, and this phrase is a common cliché in motivational talks; but it applies in marriage.

Good marriages don’t fall from heaven, they are heaven made on earth.

Are you longing for inspiration for your life and marriage? Learning new skills and acquiring knowledge can greatly improve your relationship with your spouse. When you know better, you can do better and make a big difference in your relationship. Subscribe to updates from Abi here!

Abi Apalara loves sharing insightful information that helps couples flourish in life and their marriage relationship. I have enjoyed both good marital pleasures and challenging times in my marriage. I came to realise, the points where I missed it, were areas I lacked information on how to.

Making it up along the way, only meant I was going the wrong way. Desperately seeking to get back into marital bliss, I started exploring and reading about those areas of challenge. I also reached out to counselors and began to see what I was missing.
After a surprising move into relationship study, I have found peace of mind and happy with my marriage. I have authored the book Are you ready? Marriage expectation versus realty to share my experience and encourage men and women to work on their
marriages, by seeking knowledge and apply it to their marriage relationship.


My latest book, Are you ready? Marriage expectation versus reality focuses on discovering some of the unrealistic expectations we bring into a marriage. It comes with practical advice and a guide on how to get it right before and after getting married. You can also preorder the book here

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Common human skills or soft skills required for a successful marriage that is uncommon.

I recently had an interview for a new role, and I had to prepare for it within the same organisation. Part of my preparation was a mock interview. During the mock interview, I found out listing my hard skills, i.e., core competencies needed for the role, was great, but mentioning my soft skills or human skills as I would like to call them was essential. A successful accountant with no interpersonal skill may not be victorious over another competent accountant who works as a local scout, guide, or club volunteer. The volunteering role reveals more human skills they may not even mention, such as working in a team, resilience, collaboration, patience etc.  Why am I making this analogy? A partner that does not have the right human skills or soft skills will never make an excellent spouse in marriage. 

A partner that does not have the right human skills or soft skills will never make an excellent spouse in marriage.

Let me attempt to list some of the hard skills we require for marriage: a hardworking partner, a financially stable spouse, a good-looking spouse, a partner who can cook, clean, make the home pleasant, a loving spouse, etc. Here are some soft or human skills that we may not necessarily capture while dating: a forgiving spouse, a kind partner, a God-fearing person, a self-sacrificing being, a person with conscience etc., non-judgemental, unable to keep malice, peace-loving and conscientious person. 

1 Corinthians 13:4-8 tells us some soft skills, especially when in love, failing to check what love means. 

Love is patient and kind.

Love is not jealous or boastful or proud, or rude.

Love does not demand its own way.

Love is not irritable.

Love keeps no record of being wronged.

Love does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out.

Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.

Prophecy and speaking in unknown languages and special knowledge will become useless.

But love will last forever!

I wonder how many people consciously consider these while dating or lookout for these attitudes in their prospective partner? We often give in to our spouse’s demands and forget to check if they give in to our demands, especially when we are in love. Many people ignored the red flags and never checked if our partner’s love for us meets the above criteria. Many spouses have shown impatience, lack of compassion, injustice, and angry outbursts, yet we overlook those thinking they love us and will not act that way.

We should marry someone with the necessary hard skills, but I have found a partner with these soft skills even more pertinent.

We should marry someone with the necessary hard skills, but I have found a partner with these soft skills even more pertinent. A gentle and kind spouse who may not have financial capacity can become successful tomorrow. A successful, wealthy, and callous spouse will not suddenly become soft and kind except, by some miracle, to meet Jesus, surrendered, and become a new person.

Just as recruiters are aware and look out for soft skills over hardcore knowledge, we must teach the next generation of people going into marriage to check for human skills in their partner.

Are you sure you know the attributes required to be a great spouse?

Good marriages don’t fall from heaven; they are heaven made on earth.

Please let me know in the comment if you are blessed.

I am a certified SYMBIS ASSESSMENT facilitator, and I would love to help you start your marriage right if you are getting married soon. If you are already married, I can also help you enrich your marriage by helping you and your partner understand how your personalities mesh. Saving Your Marriage Before IT Starts (SYMBIS) is a research-based questionnaire that couples take individually. We will generate a comprehensive report which I will help you unpack as your facilitator.

Research has shown that the couple who took the assessment reduced the divorce rate by 31%, saving one-third of couples whose marriage could have ended in divorce. Still, because they took the assessment, they were well prepared and avoided pitfalls while maximising the full potential of their relationships. 

Would you mind clicking the link below to learn more about SYMBIS and how you can take the assessment and start enjoying your marriage? Take Symbis Assessment

Over 1,000,000 couples and 100,000 pastors and counsellors cannot be wrong: SYMBIS is the most widely used pre-marital assessment in existence. SYMBIS+ is excellent for already married couples.

What SYMBIS does is nothing short of revolutionary – Gary Chapman author of The Five Love Languages 

Please let me know if you are blessed, by liking the post, share and comment.

Are you longing for inspiration for your life and marriage? Learning new skills and acquiring knowledge can greatly improve your relationship with your spouse. When you know better, you can do better and make a big difference in your relationship. Subscribe to updates from Abi here!

Abi Apalara loves sharing insightful information that helps couples flourish in life and their marriage relationship. I have enjoyed both good marital pleasures and challenging times in my marriage. I came to realise, the points where I missed it, were areas I lacked information on how to.

Making it up along the way, only meant I was going the wrong way. Desperately seeking to get back into marital bliss, I started exploring and reading about those areas of challenge. I also reached out to counselors and began to see what I was missing.
After a surprising move into relationship study, I have found peace of mind and happy with my marriage. I have authored the book Are you ready? Marriage expectation versus realty to share my experience and encourage men and women to work on their
marriages, by seeking knowledge and apply it to their marriage relationship.


My latest book, Are you ready? Marriage expectation versus reality focuses on discovering some of the unrealistic expectations we bring into a marriage. It comes with practical advice and a guide on how to get it right before and after getting married. You can also preorder the book here

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Can Mercy and Grace Make Marriages Merry?

A few months ago, I told my children “No more snacks” because they ate up the snacks I bought within a week. My thought was the snacks would last up to a month. Am I sure some people can relate to this! However, before I knew it, we were in the shop again, buying more snacks. Parents have a way of forgiving and being merciful to their children. The word mercy is defined as “compassion or forgiveness shown towards someone who is within one’s power to punish or harm” or simply “not getting what you deserve”. God is a compassionate father, and if you and I should get the reward of what we deserve, undoubtedly no one will get to heaven. God didn’t want anyone to perish, hence He paid the price and forgave us all our past, present, and future sins. 

We cannot love like our father in heaven without developing an attitude of Mercy and compassion towards our spouse.

Many people do not fully understand the concept of Mercy in marriage. We cannot love like our father in heaven without developing an attitude of Mercy and compassion towards our spouse. Some people have read or come across people who have no concept of compassion or Mercy. Psychologists refer to such beings as having narcissistic personalities. They cannot feel sympathy or empathy towards someone else, their belief is in punishment, and see to it that they avenge themselves. What you give is what you get with these types of people, yet the astonishing thing is some of these people claim to be Christians. They pray and fast and cry out to God for Mercy, and they get no result: they are unforgiving and unable to extend the Grace and Mercy they desire. 

Any marriage or relationship where Mercy does not prevail will struggle with resolving conflict quickly.

Any marriage or relationship where Mercy does not prevail will struggle with resolving conflict quickly. As Christians, we must learn to put on the attitude of Mercy and grace; some couples do not reconcile quickly or ever at all, because one or both wants to avenge or revenge. Judgment and no mercy is what they crave. Mercy comes from a Hebrew word that means womb. The womb protects the baby inside it. A merciful spouse is concerned about protecting their partner and marriage and less concerned about self-preservation. A mother cares more for the baby in her womb and goes through the many changes to her body and the risks associated with birthing a baby. Her main concern while pregnant is the safe delivery of that baby. God has shown as a father we can be compassionate just as mothers are compassionate, it is not gender specific. Compassionate people care and protect their families; they show Mercy which result into happy and joyful marriages. 

A merciful spouse is concerned about protecting their partner and marriage and less concerned about self-preservation.

How merciful are you towards your spouse? Do you desire a happy marriage? Have you considered being merciful? You may have the power to control, dominate and hurt people because of your position in your marriage, but you don’t have to choose that path. Bind mercy and truth to your neck and see how graceful, beautiful, and loving you will become. 

Be merciful as your father in heaven is merciful. Shalom.

Good marriages don’t fall from heaven; they are heaven made on earth.

Please let me know in the comment if you are blessed.

I am a certified SYMBIS ASSESSMENT facilitator, and I would love to help you start your marriage right if you are getting married soon. If you are already married, I can also help you enrich your marriage by helping you and your partner understand how your personalities mesh. Saving Your Marriage Before IT Starts (SYMBIS) is a research-based questionnaire that couples take individually. We will generate a comprehensive report which I will help you unpack as your facilitator.

Research has shown that the couple who took the assessment reduced the divorce rate by 31%, saving one-third of couples whose marriage could have ended in divorce. Still, because they took the assessment, they were well prepared and avoided pitfalls while maximising the full potential of their relationships. 

Would you mind clicking the link below to learn more about SYMBIS and how you can take the assessment and start enjoying your marriage? Take Symbis Assessment

Over 1,000,000 couples and 100,000 pastors and counsellors cannot be wrong: SYMBIS is the most widely used pre-marital assessment in existence. SYMBIS+ is excellent for already married couples.

What SYMBIS does is nothing short of revolutionary – Gary Chapman author of The Five Love Languages 

Please let me know if you are blessed, by liking the post, share and comment.

Are you longing for inspiration for your life and marriage? Learning new skills and acquiring knowledge can greatly improve your relationship with your spouse. When you know better, you can do better and make a big difference in your relationship. Subscribe to updates from Abi here!

Abi Apalara loves sharing insightful information that helps couples flourish in life and their marriage relationship. I have enjoyed both good marital pleasures and challenging times in my marriage. I came to realise, the points where I missed it, were areas I lacked information on how to.

Making it up along the way, only meant I was going the wrong way. Desperately seeking to get back into marital bliss, I started exploring and reading about those areas of challenge. I also reached out to counselors and began to see what I was missing.
After a surprising move into relationship study, I have found peace of mind and happy with my marriage. I have authored the book Are you ready? Marriage expectation versus realty to share my experience and encourage men and women to work on their
marriages, by seeking knowledge and apply it to their marriage relationship.


My latest book, Are you ready? Marriage expectation versus reality focuses on discovering some of the unrealistic expectations we bring into a marriage. It comes with practical advice and a guide on how to get it right before and after getting married. You can also preorder the book here

abi_daily(189)

How Bonded is your Holy Marriage

A godly marriage is a holy bond between the couples and God as a witness. Christian marriages are a Holy Bond, and that does not disqualify or minimise other marriages. However, if you’ve asked God to be a witness between you and your spouse, you have entered a covenant of marriage as a holy bond. Why is that so, you may want to ask? Our God is holy; hence this principle will not apply to all marriages but to those who entered a sacred marriage. 

A godly marriage is a holy bond between the couples and God as a witness.

Many marriages are not as strong as God intended them to be; some couples have loosened their marital bond by emotional, physical and mental separation. Some people wonder why God has not answered their prayers even though they want a happy marriage but find themselves struggling. The reason is in God’s word, the Holy Bible: Ecclesiastes 4:12 – One standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer; three is even better, for a triple-braided cord is not quickly broken (TLB). Couples who invite and honour God in their marriage form a threefold cord that is not quickly broken. 

Couples who invite and honour God in their marriage form a threefold cord that is not quickly broken. 

God has given us all that pertains to life and Godliness in His Word; without leaving and cleaving, husband and wife are in danger of the inability to bond and weave into each other. Also, without fear, reverence, and honour of God in a marriage, couples leave room for the God strand to go loose in their marriage. Holy matrimony is a sacred bond between a husband and his wife with God as a witness, and the third cord is needed to make this bond strong. 

When spouses do not get this foundation right, they begin to loosen the bond in their marriage: the first step can be subtle, such as refusing to follow God’s law about marriage, lack of joint fellowship such as praying together, fasting, and serving God together. It is vital and critical that couples guard their relationship with God together intentionally. The enemy cannot penetrate efficiently couples who are alert and have made God their fortress. 

The enemy cannot penetrate efficiently couples who are alert and have made God their fortress.

The laws of marriage are simple yet easily ignored by many couples. One of the laws of marriage is – Husband loves your wife as Christ loved the church. When a husband decides to love his wife as Christ loved the church, no measure of sin is unforgivable. 

When a woman obeys the laws of Marriage as God required: to submit to her husband, it will not be a complicated matter to serve and honour her husband, and abuse will not occur when both partners fear the Lord. All we need for a holy marriage is simple and easy, but like salvation, many ignore it and find themselves outside of God’s will. 

A holy marriage honours God and will not be easily broken. 

We must therefore keep in mind the three strands of a strong, Godly and happy marriage are: 

1. A guarded relationship with God together as a couple. We must never allow separation of our union with God first and foremost. 

2. A resolution by both spouses to obey Gods law of love and submission is not a matter of chicken and egg but a request of both partners to obey God.

3. A firm commitment to leave and cleave to each other and God; this ensures the threefold cord is maintained and remain bonded and stronger. 

We must remember the enemy’s trick is to initiate division subtly first; once you allow him a foot in, he will create a gorge before you know it. Even in intense moments of fellowship, as some refer to the ever-present married couple arguments, make sure you do not allow separation of any form. A holy marriage honours God and will not be easily broken. 

How closely knit are you, your spouse and your God? 

Good marriages don’t fall from heaven; they are heaven made on earth.

Please let me know in the comment if you are blessed.

aaaaaa

Marriage has two sides, Beautiful and Ugly: which side are you facing and nurturing?

I love collecting British coins because, on the flip side of some of the coins, there are images worth much more than the face value of each currency. Rare Brexit 50p coins with the words: Peace, Prosperity, and Friendship with all nations 2020 written on the side are listed for £15,000 online. Now, if you and I have this 50p coin and never looked at the other side before exchanging it for a 50p sweet, what a treasure we forfeit, if we did look at the other side of the coin, which my daughter is much obsessed with now, we could have a deposit for a house. 

You have treasure on the other side of your spouse that you are missing if you fail to consider both sides of their coin.

Therefore, why am I sharing this illustration with you as a single unmarried person or married couple? You have treasure on the other side of your spouse that you are missing if you fail to consider both sides of their coin. Likewise, if you see only the ugly side of your spouse and decide not to consider looking at the other beautiful side, you probably deny and cheat yourself of the joys of marriage. If you are seeing the beautiful side of your partner and you are not prepared to face their ugly side when the coin flips, you are also setting yourself up for disappointment and resentment. I am so amazed when people approach marriage as a fairy-tale or a madhouse view only. Marriage is a combination of good and evil; it is our choice to nurture the excellent side and continuously reduce the ability of the nasty side to take over our beautiful marriage.

I am so amazed when people approach marriage as a fairy-tale or a madhouse view only.

I want you to list the good attributes you found in your spouse when you decided to marry them, also list the irritating characteristics you found initially. Still, you accepted and thought you would live by or, if you are those living in fairy-tale land, assumed you would change. Oh no, you cannot change another person’s make-up or mindset; you can influence people, which is done by showing them much love, being a good leader and accepting people as they are. It is the love and care we offer that move people to change behaviours. Also, some people believe they know what is good and what is wrong. Yes, there are standard moral codes, but most of the attributes that irritate our relationships are different views. We must be prepared to accept other people’s points of view. 

…most of the attributes that irritate our relationships are different views.

For instance, the standard of cleanliness in someone’s house may be different from my house, depending on who and how we were brought up. Consider people doing cleaning jobs and clean other people’s homes, they will likely have a higher standard of cleanliness than those who probably work in the construction industry where they are covered in dust all day long. Noticing a speck of dust at home for a construction expert is probably not going to be a deal-breaker, yet for another spouse who works in a cleaning company, a speck of dust is a deal-breaker. Therefore, we must check why we are easily angered or irritated at the way of life of our partner, we must understand our difference, they as the spice of life, and we must do our best to accommodate other people’s points of view.

… we must do our best to accommodate other people’s points of view.

So, what will you do differently today? Are you going to consider the other side of the coin of your spouse? Are you going to be flexible and be prepared to have a broad mind and love your spouse irrespective of your different points of view? If you choose to accept and love yourself and your spouse, you will enjoy the beautiful side of marriage more than the ugly side.

Great marriages don’t fall from heaven; they are heaven made on earth.

I am a certified SYMBIS ASSESSMENT facilitator, and I would love to help you start your marriage right if you are getting married soon. If you are already married, I can also help you enrich your marriage by helping you and your partner understand how your personalities mesh. Saving Your Marriage Before IT Starts (SYMBIS) is a research-based questionnaire that couples take individually. We will generate a comprehensive report which I will help you unpack as your facilitator.

Research has shown that the couple who took the assessment reduced the divorce rate by 31%, saving one-third of couples whose marriage could have ended in divorce. Still, because they took the assessment, they were well prepared and avoided pitfalls while maximising the full potential of their relationships. 

Would you mind clicking the link below to learn more about SYMBIS and how you can take the assessment and start enjoying your marriage? Take Symbis Assessment

Over 1,000,000 couples and 100,000 pastors and counsellors cannot be wrong: SYMBIS is the most widely used pre-marital assessment in existence. SYMBIS+ is excellent for already married couples.

What SYMBIS does is nothing short of revolutionary – Gary Chapman author of The Five Love Languages 

Please let me know if you are blessed, by liking the post, share and comment.

Are you longing for inspiration for your life and marriage? Learning new skills and acquiring knowledge can greatly improve your relationship with your spouse. When you know better, you can do better and make a big difference in your relationship. Subscribe to updates from Abi here!

Abi Apalara loves sharing insightful information that helps couples flourish in life and their marriage relationship. I have enjoyed both good marital pleasures and challenging times in my marriage. I came to realise, the points where I missed it, were areas I lacked information on how to.

Making it up along the way, only meant I was going the wrong way. Desperately seeking to get back into marital bliss, I started exploring and reading about those areas of challenge. I also reached out to counselors and began to see what I was missing.
After a surprising move into relationship study, I have found peace of mind and happy with my marriage. I have authored the book Are you ready? Marriage expectation versus realty to share my experience and encourage men and women to work on their
marriages, by seeking knowledge and apply it to their marriage relationship.


My latest book, Are you ready? Marriage expectation versus reality focuses on discovering some of the unrealistic expectations we bring into a marriage. It comes with practical advice and a guide on how to get it right before and after getting married. You can also preorder the book here

abi_daily(180)

Connecting Love and Leadership in Marriage: Do you get that right?

Who wants to be a leader? Everyone would like to be a leader, and somehow, we are all leaders, albeit in various capacities and positions. A leader shows the way and influences their followers. For example, Jesus Christ is our leader as Christians; the early disciples were called Christians initially because they had the influence and fragrance of Christ. A husband is the leader of the marriage, his wife and children. Both husband and wife are the leaders of their family; both spouses will influence children and they will follow their leading. Therefore, leadership exist in various forms, and it is one of the areas most people forget to develop or consider in life and marriage. Leadership is influence, and it is very different from management. A leader is different from a boss because a boss wants the job done, while a leader seeks to influence and empower people to make their own decision, do their work without being forced or coerced. We often do not focus on love when we address leadership, whether at home, work, or in the world generally.

A leader shows the way and influences their followers.

However, looking through history, the most outstanding leaders sacrificed their lives to help their followers. They laid down their lives, comfort and freedom so that many other people can be free, fulfilled and empowered. Our most extraordinary and unrivalled example is Jesus Christ, our Lord. He gave up His throne in heaven and became one of us. He washed his disciples’ feet, forgave the sinners, ate with the outcast, healed the lepers, and so many miracles. Famous world leaders like Nelson Mandela, Dr Martin Luther King and Mahatma Gandhi gave up their lives and freedom to lead others to victory. Any attempt at leading without love and sacrifice is nothing short of a clanging cymbal, irrespective of other qualities such as resourcefulness, courage, charisma, self-discipline etc.

Are you a loving leader in your home?

Are you a loving leader in your home? As a spouse, are you leading your partner and children with love or with fear? Some people at home are the lion of the tribe of family. Their disposition is to create fear in the hearts of their partners and children. Research and the Bible have shown that the best and most excellent way to lead is to love the followers. Love is occupied with developing others and bringing out the best in them without fear of feeling less important. Many people think leadership is essential; being puffed up with power, egotistic, and above the law; they believe as a leader they are above everyone else. They can do and undo, and no one may correct or advise them. That is not leadership at all. Some people see leadership as other people-pleasing them, making sure no one else has a voice, and they know it all. 

Love is occupied with developing others and bringing out the best in them without fear of feeling less important.

Leaders are secure; they know they are free but subject themselves to serving and developing their followers. Paul in 2 Corinthians 12:14-15 sums up what it takes to be a leader ” I will mostly spend and be spent for your souls”. 1 Cor. 9:19 “for though I am free from all, I have made myself a servant to all, that I might win more of them”. Leaders are servants, and they do not seek to be served but yearn to serve and bring out the best in others. How are you helping your partner? Are you waiting to be served, or are you serving and giving your all to see your family become great without you feeling less? It is sad to hear of spouses who cannot help their partners or even offer to provide a glass of water because they are the leader of the manor. 

How about our Lord Jesus Christ who created the world and beings, yet he bent down, wrapped a towel around His waist and washed His disciples’ dusty feet! Wow, that is an example every leader must emulate. In our marriages let us become servant leaders, there is much love in serving others and a lot more love when we serve our husbands or wives. 

Great marriages don’t naturally happen; they are created by imperfect couples who refuse to give up on each other and their marriage.

Please let me know if you are blessed, by liking the post, share and comment.

I am a certified SYMBIS ASSESSMENT facilitator, and I would love to help you start your marriage right if you are getting married soon. If you are already married, I can also help you enrich your marriage by helping you and your partner understand how your personalities mesh. Saving Your Marriage Before IT Starts (SYMBIS) is a research-based questionnaire that couples take individually. We will generate a comprehensive report which I will help you unpack as your facilitator.

Research has shown that the couple who took the assessment reduced the divorce rate by 31%, saving one-third of couples whose marriage could have ended in divorce. Still, because they took the assessment, they were well prepared and avoided pitfalls while maximising the full potential of their relationships. 

Would you mind clicking the link below to learn more about SYMBIS and how you can take the assessment and start enjoying your marriage? Take Symbis Assessment

Over 1,000,000 couples and 100,000 pastors and counsellors cannot be wrong: SYMBIS is the most widely used pre-marital assessment in existence. SYMBIS+ is excellent for already married couples. What SYMBIS does is nothing short of revolutionary – Gary Chapman author of The Five Love Languages 

Are you longing for inspiration for your life and marriage? Learning new skills and acquiring knowledge can greatly improve your relationship with your spouse. When you know better, you can do better and make a big difference in your relationship. Subscribe to updates from Abi here!

Abi Apalara loves sharing insightful information that helps couples flourish in life and their marriage relationship. I have enjoyed both good marital pleasures and challenging times in my marriage. I came to realise, the points where I missed it, were areas I lacked information on how to. Making it up along the way, only meant I was going the wrong way. Desperately seeking to get back into marital bliss, I started exploring and reading about those areas of challenge. I also reached out to counsellors and began to see what I was missing.
After a surprising move into relationship study, I have found peace of mind and happy with my marriage. I have authored the book Are you ready? Marriage expectation versus realty to share my experience and encourage men and women to work on their
marriages, by seeking knowledge and apply it to their marriage relationship.

My latest book, Are you ready? Marriage expectation versus reality focuses on discovering some of the unrealistic expectations we bring into a marriage. It comes with practical advice and a guide on how to get it right before and after getting married. You can also preorder the book here

ABI

Diamonds form under pressure; Great marriages survive marital pressures.

I love diamonds, and I remember when I got a watch with diamonds on it, it shines and glows, especially when light falls on it. Diamonds are every girl’s dream. I would love to have a collection of them, but now I am content with the one I have. Have you ever wondered why diamonds are rare, expensive, and cherished above all other stones? It is because diamonds form under intense pressure for an extended period, and people must dig deep to find them. The rocks that withstand the tremendous pressure for a long time become the most cherished and loved item in peoples’ closets. Great and beautiful marriages result from couples who endured marital stress and chose to give it time and work on their differences to become understanding and loving spouses. Many marriages could not become beautiful because couples buckle under the stress of marital pressures.

Many marriages could not become beautiful because couples buckle under the stress of marital pressures.

 I read this quote online “the couples that are mean to be, are the ones who go through everything that’s designed to tear them apart and come out even stronger.” Yes, many marriages are meant to be because marriage is a lifetime commitment, and couples must realise they will be forged by fire. Marriage is a melting of two individuals into one, requiring removing all instances that will cause friction. The process of eliminating behaviours, ideas and thoughts that misalign is not going to be easy. It can be likened to melting two different metals to form steel. Before the steel can come out shining and strong, it will be dissolved under intense heat, cool and reheat for all the impurities to be removed. 

Great marriages don’t naturally happen; they are created by imperfect couples who refuse to give up on each other and their marriage.

Many couples jump ship once there is a bit of heat; rather than work out the issues causing troubles and misunderstanding, they want to separate, go their own way or abandon their spouse for another. Second and third marriages have a higher divorce rate because the same issue that the person was running from will face in another form with another partner. Marriage is a melting point of two souls into one, and therefore, before couples become soulmates, they will need to face testing situations. Thus, can I ask you how you are handling the marital pressure in your marriage?  Do you see the challenges you are facing as an opportunity to improve yourself and not destroy your marriage?

Many people are unprepared for challenges, and so they react with anger, violence and resignation.

Many people are unprepared for challenges, and so they react with anger, violence and resignation. There is no place for violence in marriage, and it is not the best way to overcome challenges. When you come under marital pressure, and I can tell you every marriage will face a test. What you do is to seek to understand yourself first. Why am I being irritated by my partner’s action or inaction? What can I do to make this issue resolved without losing my partner’s support? Can I empathise and put myself in my partner’s shoes so I can see or feel what they are feeling?  There are so many growth opportunities in adversity, but unfortunately, many people consider the fire and heat rather than the reason for the heat. People want great marriages but do not want to refine, purify, and become understanding, kind and loving spouses. 

People want great marriages but do not want to refine, purify, and become understanding, kind and loving spouses.

If you are considering marriage, I want to encourage you to prepare and be aware that there will be marital pressures; these pressure points are like the refining fires to help purify and make your marriage beautiful. Don’t engage in nasty fights, blaming, resentment and anger. Step back and start with yourself first. Why am I getting angry? Why do I feel humiliated?  Why do I feel disrespected? Why am I feeling unloved? Focusing on yourself and not your spouse will help you become a better version of yourself and an understanding partner. It is effortless for us to blame someone else and ask them why questions like: Why don’t they love me and respect me? Why can’t they see things the way I see them? What are they so wasteful with money?   

Are you destroying your marriage or purifying yourself to become a beautiful, valued and respected spouse?

These types of questions you cannot answer accurately, best you will guess and make up untrue stories which always leads to resentment and bitterness.

Remember diamonds, and steel is not made by skipping the pressure and fire; they are forged into beautiful, cherished and valued items because they were forged by force and fire. What will you do with the marital pressure you face in your marriage? Are you destroying your marriage or purifying yourself to become a beautiful, valued and respected spouse?

Great marriages don’t naturally happen; they are created by imperfect couples who refuse to give up on each other and their marriage.

I am a certified SYMBIS ASSESSMENT facilitator, and I would love to help you start your marriage right if you are getting married soon. If you are already married, I can also help you enrich your marriage by helping you and your partner understand how your personalities mesh. Saving Your Marriage Before IT Starts (SYMBIS) is a research-based questionnaire that couples take individually. We will generate a comprehensive report which I will help you unpack as your facilitator.

Research has shown that the couple who took the assessment reduced the divorce rate by 31%, saving one-third of couples whose marriage could have ended in divorce. Still, because they took the assessment, they were well prepared and avoided pitfalls while maximising the full potential of their relationships. 

Would you mind clicking the link below to learn more about SYMBIS and how you can take the assessment and start enjoying your marriage? Take Symbis Assessment

Over 1,000,000 couples and 100,000 pastors and counsellors cannot be wrong: SYMBIS is the most widely used pre-marital assessment in existence. SYMBIS+ is excellent for already married couples.

What SYMBIS does is nothing short of revolutionary – Gary Chapman author of The Five Love Languages 

Please let me know if you are blessed, by liking the post, share and comment.

Are you longing for inspiration for your life and marriage? Learning new skills and acquiring knowledge can greatly improve your relationship with your spouse. When you know better, you can do better and make a big difference in your relationship. Subscribe to updates from Abi here!

Abi Apalara loves sharing insightful information that helps couples flourish in life and their marriage relationship. I have enjoyed both good marital pleasures and challenging times in my marriage. I came to realise, the points where I missed it, were areas I lacked information on how to.

Making it up along the way, only meant I was going the wrong way. Desperately seeking to get back into marital bliss, I started exploring and reading about those areas of challenge. I also reached out to counselors and began to see what I was missing.
After a surprising move into relationship study, I have found peace of mind and happy with my marriage. I have authored the book Are you ready? Marriage expectation versus realty to share my experience and encourage men and women to work on their
marriages, by seeking knowledge and apply it to their marriage relationship.


My latest book, Are you ready? Marriage expectation versus reality focuses on discovering some of the unrealistic expectations we bring into a marriage. It comes with practical advice and a guide on how to get it right before and after getting married. You can also preorder the book here

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Discover the underlying reasons couples fight over money in a marriage.

Many financial experts and budget holders, accountants and financial solution providers and billionaires struggle with handling money in their relationship, as well as those of us who lack financial skills and knowledge! With the expertise and financial planning instruments that help grow organisations assets and set up much seamless payment and money receiving agents, we must wonder why these financial experts still struggle with money and love as much as some without any financial acumen! 

I want to expose why couples fight over money because usually, it is not about a lack of funds. 

I want to expose why couples fight over money because usually, it is not about a lack of funds. Budgeting skills, saving prowess, future investment are all technical, financial actions; they can guarantee healthy financial planning, but they fall short of creating financial stability in homes. Many of us believe that most couples “fight” about money, but the truth is sneakier and more profound, something every husband and wife needs to evaluate. 

There are 24 love and money points of tension identified by research conducted and listed by Shaunti and Jeff Feldhahn in their book “thriving in love and money, which is the inspiration for this blog. Please get the book; it will significantly transform your money troubles. 

Many of us believe that most couples “fight” about money, but the truth is sneakier…

When I looked through the list, one could immediately identify these underlying issues couples struggle with a lot. Ironically, some couples would disagree that these are the reasons behind their fight over money matters in the marriage. 

Most couples focus on the money or lack of it, thinking that is the root of the problem, yet the source has more to do with the individual state of mind towards their spouse. I know couples who earn less money and happily plan their finances, whereas other couples who make more money struggle to meet their household needs. 

Resentment and anger top the list of love and money tension points between couples when they fight over money.

Resentment and anger top the list of love and money tension points between couples when they fight over money. One spouse is saying in their mind – “Why do I have to be on a budget when we have plenty of money?” While the other spouse is saying – Why won’t they realise how tight things are?” Then based on the resentment towards their spouse, one will withhold money, and another may want to get more money. There starts the money tension and fights, when resentment overpowers love in a relationship, we will find arguments and fights. 

Another tension point between couples fighting over money is frustration and irritation, which is rooted in their minds and expressed as – “Why don’t you see things the way I see things?” Yet two people may look at the same thing and not see it the same way. One person sees a half-filled glass as half-full, and another may see it as half-empty. Both are seeing it from their perspective. Yet imagine one person so hung up on their views and trying to prove the other person wrong or punish them for their opinions. That’s some of the reasons for relationship troubles, a rigid and myopic mindset refuses to be flexible or accepts other people’s points of view; it is dangerous indeed. 

Yet two people may look at the same thing and not see it the same way.

Another tension point is “mismatch of impulsive tendency”. I am sure we know people who sees a thing, a bargain, and want to buy it immediately. What comes to their mind is ” I want to grab that” . They may have a partner who is a planner, he will probably think, “but I don’t have to get this now”. In his mind, when the partner reaches out to get an item impulsively, he may have thought, “but we didn’t plan for that”. The danger in a mismatch of impulsive tendency is the thoughts that we allow to prevail and the following actions. For example, an impulsive person might think a planner is no fun, party popper etc., whereas a planner thinks well, I have mastery over my impulses. Thought and actions lead to superiority, disdain on the part of one spouse, actions and thoughts that reveal things like, “you don’t live in the real world”, “I know how to handle money better”, “I’m not wasteful like you” “everything isn’t crisis” and “we really don’t need this right now”. Meanwhile, the other spouse is feeling judged and condescended. They may also harbour ill feelings because they have been misunderstood. 

The danger in a mismatch of impulsive tendency is the thoughts that we allow to prevail and the following actions.

Now how should couples avoid getting into this money trouble? We can learn to thrive in love and money if as a couple we are willing to apply the high leverage solutions. Over three years, a research team found out three intertwined actions will ensure those money tensions points are diffused and couples can thrive in love and money. 

  1. Build cushion for discretionary purchases – couples can have an allowance for any miscellaneous that may come up and allow your spouse and yourself to meet your needs without worrying or feeling judged. Be flexible in your approach, and both spouses must avoid extremes. If you are an impulsive buyer, you can learn to defer and if you are an acute save, please, by all means, learn to respond to your impulse sometimes. Having miscellaneous will not impact the planned money. 
  2. Couples must be comfortable talking about money without tensions and stress. Make it easy to communicate; transparency will allow you and your spouse to speak openly without any suspicion. Can you open your bank details to your spouse? When my children ask for over and above what I can afford, I bring my accounts up and show them; they quickly say, oh mum; we can buy that next time. I have, on many occasions, printed my bank statements and handover to my partner. If there is nothing to hide, we must be able to lay it bare. 
  3. What is underneath how we and our partner respond to money? – this is the crucial aspect that will enable couples to execute the first two points well. Can we try and understand how we react to money? What is driving how you and your partner view money and spending money? This may be an excellent starting point of discussion. 

Would you let me know if you are blessed, by liking the post, share and comment? It is an encouragement to know someone is blessed and homes saved.

I am a certified SYMBIS ASSESSMENT facilitator, and I would love to help you start your marriage right if you are getting married soon. If you are already married, I can also help you enrich your marriage by helping you and your partner understand how your personalities mesh. Saving Your Marriage Before IT Starts (SYMBIS) is a research-based questionnaire that couples take individually. We will generate a comprehensive report which I will help you unpack as your facilitator.

Research has shown that the couple who took the assessment reduced the divorce rate by 31%, saving one-third of couples whose marriage could have ended in divorce. Still, because they took the assessment, they were well prepared and avoided pitfalls while maximising the full potential of their relationships. 

Would you mind clicking the link below to learn more about SYMBIS and how you can take the assessment and start enjoying your marriage? Take Symbis Assessment

Over 1,000,000 couples and 100,000 pastors and counsellors cannot be wrong: SYMBIS is the most widely used pre-marital assessment in existence. SYMBIS+ is excellent for already married couples.

What SYMBIS does is nothing short of revolutionary – Gary Chapman author of The Five Love Languages 

Please let me know if you are blessed, by liking the post, share and comment.

Are you longing for inspiration for your life and marriage? Learning new skills and acquiring knowledge can greatly improve your relationship with your spouse. When you know better, you can do better and make a big difference in your relationship. Subscribe to updates from Abi here!

Abi Apalara loves sharing insightful information that helps couples flourish in life and their marriage relationship. I have enjoyed both good marital pleasures and challenging times in my marriage. I came to realise, the points where I missed it, were areas I lacked information on how to.

Making it up along the way, only meant I was going the wrong way. Desperately seeking to get back into marital bliss, I started exploring and reading about those areas of challenge. I also reached out to counselors and began to see what I was missing.
After a surprising move into relationship study, I have found peace of mind and happy with my marriage. I have authored the book Are you ready? Marriage expectation versus realty to share my experience and encourage men and women to work on their
marriages, by seeking knowledge and apply it to their marriage relationship.


My latest book, Are you ready? Marriage expectation versus reality focuses on discovering some of the unrealistic expectations we bring into a marriage. It comes with practical advice and a guide on how to get it right before and after getting married. You can also preorder the book here

abi_daily(167)

The combined state of individual health of couples is the health of the marriage.

As a mother of three beautiful children, I have numerous opportunities to train and influence them at every given opportunity: whether it is crossing the road or cooking together. I constantly use stories, pictures, and scenarios to explain and educate them as they grow. Children learn a lot by watching and getting involved than when we give them theories. Why am I sharing this with you? One of the scenarios I used recently to advise my children about the friends or company they keep affect their outlook in life goes like this.  Mixing ten good eggs and accidentally adding one bad egg into the mix. Indeed, the rotten egg takes over and eventually will contaminate the ten good eggs. Also, adding one good egg will not make the bad eggs good if there are ten rotten eggs in the mix. To get a good egg mixture means we should only add good eggs to the mix.

The overall health of a marriage relationship is a result of the individual health of each partner.

The overall health of a marriage relationship is a result of the individual health of each partner.  It is not uncommon for some emotionally deficient people in love, affirmation, and confidence to want to find these things in their marriages. They may be overly reliant on their partner to make them feel loved, wanted, and desirable. Many couples feed on each other’s emotions and energy, and where one person’s emotional health is not that great, it does have a massive impact on the other partner. When you have emotional baggage as an individual, it is very likely that if not dealt with, you will bleed on people around you and especially your spouse because they can see your weakness and vulnerability that you may overcompensate for outside of the home. 

I do not want to lack or be in a position where I cannot meet my needs, so I am very eager to have a secure financial base.

There are a few touchy points that I could not identify by myself until I was bleeding on my spouse. When it comes to finances, I do not want to lack or be in a position where I cannot meet my needs, so I am very eager to have a secure financial base. I had at some point focused so much on having a safe financial position that I forget to consider the impact of my actions on my family. Having someone talk me through why I wanted financial security so much led me to discover, as a child, I had lacked not because we had no money but due to inadequate financial planning and no protection. Because of my childhood experience, I am very conscious of any financial lack and detest it, and it became my touchy point. Even though my husband and I have a good job and our finances are not bad, I seem to always push for investment and financial security; I want us to meet all our needs and lack nothing. Our finances became a conflict, and it was when I discovered the reasons for my desire for financial security, I was able to ask God to help me have a healthy appetite for financial security. 

it was when I discovered the reasons for my desire for financial security, I was able to ask God to help me have a healthy appetite for financial security

Now that was my personal experience; I was afraid of not meeting my family needs even though I did not lack them at that point. I believe some of you might relate to this if you think deeply about why you hurt so much when someone say something or act in a way that triggers anger in you. 

Couples have many pressure points, which always cause conflict and bring up emotional responses or trigger points. Such include, finance, intimacy, raising and disciplining children, respect and love etc.  People have one emotional baggage or the other; it is the ability to recognise, accept and deal with it without spilling our anger, frustration and rejection over our spouse that will help us live a healthy life. Would you want to look deep and consider your emotional trigger point to see how your past experiences may have contributed to you becoming overly sensitive around a topic? 

For some people who appear to be aggressive, it usually point to a deficit of love; they were never loved or celebrated by their parents, so they get irate when someone else is being celebrated and may not understand why?  They are unable to rejoice or be happy when someone else achieves the best. They want to love but incapable of expressing loving attitudes because they weren’t loved. For others, it is fear of intimacy and the inability to be vulnerable with others. They may have been let down by friends or previous relationships where they were weak, and due to that adverse experience, they become closed and unable to trust their current spouse. They may be overly protectives, secretive and suspicious of their partner. 

They want to love but incapable of expressing loving attitudes because they weren’t loved

Where there is no trust, there can’t be openness or vulnerability, and intimacy will be a mirage. Whatever your touchy point may be, you are not alone, please know that there are so many touchy points in our relationships. Identifying them is the first step, to become aware of areas where we reserve for ourselves and will not allow anyone else to visit that space. The depth and deprivation of emotional issues for some people are scared that they don’t want to explore it. However, we may have to confront our monsters before we can defeat them. 

Where there is no trust, there can’t be openness or vulnerability, and intimacy will be a mirage.

So why not look inwards today? Some people may not be able to look at their emotional baggage themselves; it may take getting support from counsellors and being in a safe space where they can gently explore what haunts them without fear of judgment. I can assure you are not alone; everyone has an issue and area of weakness; willingness to seek help and acceptance will set you free. The word is God is a powerful tool to set us free.

I am a certified SYMBIS ASSESSMENT facilitator, and I would love to help you start your marriage right if you are getting married soon. If you are already married, I can also help you enrich your marriage by helping you and your partner understand how your personalities mesh. Saving Your Marriage Before IT Starts (SYMBIS) is a research-based questionnaire that couples take individually. We will generate a comprehensive report which I will help you unpack as your facilitator.

Research has shown that the couple who took the assessment reduced the divorce rate by 31%, saving one-third of couples whose marriage could have ended in divorce. Still, because they took the assessment, they were well prepared and avoided pitfalls while maximising the full potential of their relationships. 

Would you mind clicking the link below to learn more about SYMBIS and how you can take the assessment and start enjoying your marriage? Take Symbis Assessment

Over 1,000,000 couples and 100,000 pastors and counsellors cannot be wrong: SYMBIS is the most widely used pre-marital assessment in existence. SYMBIS+ is excellent for already married couples.

What SYMBIS does is nothing short of revolutionary – Gary Chapman author of The Five Love Languages 

Please let me know if you are blessed, by liking the post, share and comment.

Are you longing for inspiration for your life and marriage? Learning new skills and acquiring knowledge can greatly improve your relationship with your spouse. When you know better, you can do better and make a big difference in your relationship. Subscribe to updates from Abi here!

Abi Apalara loves sharing insightful information that helps couples flourish in life and their marriage relationship. I have enjoyed both good marital pleasures and challenging times in my marriage. I came to realise, the points where I missed it, were areas I lacked information on how to.

Making it up along the way, only meant I was going the wrong way. Desperately seeking to get back into marital bliss, I started exploring and reading about those areas of challenge. I also reached out to counselors and began to see what I was missing.
After a surprising move into relationship study, I have found peace of mind and happy with my marriage. I have authored the book Are you ready? Marriage expectation versus realty to share my experience and encourage men and women to work on their
marriages, by seeking knowledge and apply it to their marriage relationship.


My latest book, Are you ready? Marriage expectation versus reality focuses on discovering some of the unrealistic expectations we bring into a marriage. It comes with practical advice and a guide on how to get it right before and after getting married. You can also preorder the book here

abi_daily(160)

A Gentle Giant in Marriage

Meekness is an attitude required for a successful and peaceful marriage, and every so often, some of us have not made conscious efforts to develop it. We habitually think people are meek and gentle by nature, but these are attributes that everyone can cultivate. I love watching documentaries on oceans, forests and environments in general. I have seen that one of the biggest fish in our sea – the whale shark, even though giants feed on the smallest planktons, crabs and small fish, posing no danger to humans. These whale sharks are gentle despite their enormous size. I often wonder if these creatures were to unleash their full force on other animals in the sea, would there be any safe place for other fishes? That picture is what I have in mind while writing you my readers today about meekness. Being gentle and able to control the power and force we have to keep peace, calm and tranquillity in our environment is golden. 

Being gentle and able to control the power and force we have to keep peace, calm and tranquillity in our environment is golden

Many spouses are unaware of how we disturb the peace in our homes and make it unsafe for our families due to our demeanour, authority, and power exhibition. 

Some prominent people are genuinely gentle giants, for example we have Presidents of countries or majority leaders; these people have what it takes to crush another person because of their size, power, or status, but they are conscious that people are intimidated even without saying a word. Hence, they make a conscious effort to put people at ease in their presence. In some families, the most dominant person may not be aware that their presence alone commands fear; on top of that, they roar and terrify those they ought to protect and most times, they are unaware that what they are doing is frightening. In their minds, they control and put the home in order; both spouses fall into this group. The voice of men, words of women and how they use it can cause trouble and lack of peace in homes. 

The voice of men, words of women and how they use it can cause trouble and lack of peace in homes.

Research has shown that the male voice can be scarier to women and not attractive but somewhat threatening. A deep male voice shows masculinity, dominance, and it is more to do with threatening other males away from their pack. 

“Human male traits imply physical aggression and formidability and provide competitive advantages in fighting or threatening other men more than they help attract women”.[1]

Many children are afraid to approach parents not because of what they did or not, but primarily due to fear and intimidation arising from the way we speak and command them. 

I want to encourage any dominant spouse, especially if you are a male, to consider how they may be intimidating their family unknowingly, and some people do it knowingly. Would you please choose to put your power under control and desire to be a meek and gentle person? Be a gentle giant; that is not going to diminish the awe and respect you get. Imagine a strong man carrying a new baby who is helpless and fragile, trying to make sure they are as gentle and careful as possible. Using their whole strength could hurt that child intentionally; this is the picture of a meek and gentle person. 

Jesus Christ is meek and our role model for being patient, calm, and living with restraint considering the fragility of people he created and loved. 

Jesus Christ is meek and our role model for being patient, calm, and living with restraint considering the fragility of people he created and loved.

Meekness is a positive attitude every husband and wife must put on; it is not natural but we develop and grow to become meek. I would encourage husbands to consider developing a meek attitude because; they are in a position of authority in marriage. Being masculine makes husbands stronger than wives physically most times, and they can dominate and control wives and children. Some husbands use the natural strength they ought to use to protect their family to hurt them because they are not meek and gentle. To be meek means being calm when provoked and recognising that using their strength can and will injure their family.

To be meek means being calm when provoked and recognising that using their strength can and will injure their family.

Wives also need to have a meek spirit and avoid using the weapon (tongue) to crush our spouses. Even though our tongue is a small member of the body, it can destroy a giant. Controlling our tongue will be another development area for some of us who have our way with words. Though a minor member of our body, our tongue is a giant when it comes to verbal assault. We must learn to control and not unleash the power of our tongue destructively. Have you ever wondered if you are meek person? I would encourage you to reflect and desire to become a meek person as Jesus admonished. 

Below are a few scriptures you could meditate upon to help develop a patient attitude.

  • So, as those who have been chosen of God, holy and beloved, put on a heart of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience; Colossians 3:12
  • Therefore I, the prisoner of the Lord, implore you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling with which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, showing tolerance for one another in love, Ephesians 4:1-2
  • The Lord’s bond-servant must not be quarrelsome, but be kind to all, able to teach, patient when wronged, with gentleness correcting those who are in opposition, if perhaps God may grant them repentance leading to the knowledge of the truth, 2 Timothy 2:24-25
  • But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law. Galatians 5:22-23

To change or renew our mind, we must meditate on the word of God, it is the only potent tool of deliverance along side praying that the Holy Spirit help us to understand the word and have a soft and obedient heart. 

I am a certified SYMBIS ASSESSMENT facilitator, and I would love to help you start your marriage right if you are getting married soon. If you are already married, I can also help you enrich your marriage by helping you and your partner understand how your personalities mesh. Saving Your Marriage Before IT Starts (SYMBIS) is a research-based questionnaire that couples take individually. We will generate a comprehensive report which I will help you unpack as your facilitator.

Research has shown that the couple who took the assessment reduced the divorce rate by 31%, saving one-third of couples whose marriage could have ended in divorce. Still, because they took the assessment, they were well prepared and avoided pitfalls while maximising the full potential of their relationships.