3 tips to grow old gracefully and joyfully with your spouse

One of the principles of marriage that I hope many people and couples comprehend is its longevity and permanency. Still, somehow, our culture and tradition have found a way to make believe and deceive many people that marriage don’t last long. Some people do not see their marital relationship as the most important and superior to all other relationships in their life. Getting this notion and fact right creates a solid foundation for having a long and loving marriage. 

No wonder the Bible tells us that for this reason (marriage), a man shall leave his father and mother and cling to his wife. It is such a pity that many people do not abide by this command; they prefer to go with worldly views and sayings such as – “A wife can leave you, but your parents will never leave you”. How I wish I could tell every man and woman that statement is not entirely true, parents disown, and parents will and should go to heaven before children. So, parents will leave you, and it will be you and your wife or husband. Even the children you have together will flee the nest at some point.

One of the principles of marriage that I hope many people and couples grasp is its longevity and permanency

Marriage is built to last long; husband and wife will live together longer than they would ever have to live with their parents, friends, siblings, or neighbours if God gives them long life. Looking at the average age when people leave home to start living on their own or get married, we can comfortably say around age 18 – 27 years. We know that some people stay at home till around age 30, but no one in that situation would find it normal. 

However, couples who marry early and age well into their 90s and 100s can celebrate 70 years together, and most couples look forward to celebrating their golden jubilee, 50 years of living and doing life together. So, it is no surprise to see that a marriage relationship is the most important relationship we can have; not only is it intimate, which we cannot do with any member of our family, we totally become one with our spouse in the form of having a child or children together, that signifies two becoming one. There is no way you can separate yourself by dividing your children.

Marriage is built to last long; husband and wife will live together longer than they would ever live with their parents, friends, siblings, or neighbours.

Having a full understanding of the principle above and accepting that you and your wife want to live long, why would anyone not want that relationship to grow better and sweeter each day? 

I am looking forward to a long and rewarding marriage, so I am prepared to work and make my marriage sweet. Below are tips and suggestions you can engage to help you and your spouse grow together in love, mature and sweet an aged wine.

1. Find ways to serve and not to be served – one of the acts in a marriage that removes selfishness is to find out why you are into that marriage. Are you to help your spouse, or are you there to be served? From the cultural influence and background, I grew up with, many of our male species believe marriage is to serve them while women get into the marriage having been trained to support and not expect to be helped. Some men want to get married, so they no longer have to respect the woman; they become overwhelmed with power and selfish because they are the head, and no one is above them in the marriage. Whether you are the head or not, we ought to follow the example of our Lord Jesus Christ; He is the head and creator of the universe, yet able to serve humbly and wash the feet of His disciples. I wonder if you can wash your wife’s dirty feet when she comes back from the market? We naturally want to serve as women, and I know I may be biased as I am a woman and speaking from my experience.

I wonder if you can wash your wife’s dirty feet when she comes back from the market?

2. Find ways to bond and refuse separation – Growing together is like grafting another piece of a plant into the trunk of a tree. Before the grafting is complete, the two parts must be tied together for some time and continue to be tighter and nurtured for the bond to be strong enough to prevent the grafted plant from breaking away. Wedding day is the day of grafting, and it will take many years of care, nurture and intentional bonding for husband and wife to grow together. One of the ways they prevent perfect bonding is separation, physical, sexual, spiritual, emotional, psychological, financial, etc. Couples do not realise that a separation weakens their bond of love. Be on guard, never allow separation and always look for ways to bond; even when you have misunderstandings, remain together. The enemy uses lies and separations as a tool to cause disaffection. Don’t fall prey and if you are separated in any form, please find ways to bond. Sexual bonding is a way to start.  

Wedding day is the day of grafting, and it will take many years of care, nurture and intentional bonding for husband and wife to grow together.

3. Find one reason to hold onto each other – Couples in marriages that celebrate 50+ years are not magicians; their marriage is not devoid of troubles or misunderstandings; they only resolve to hold onto each other and weather the storm together. Your spouse is not perfect, neither are you! Therefore, find one reason to keep hold of your spouse. There must be no reason to love your spouse: Paulo Coelho quotes it best “One is loved because one is loved. No reason is needed for loving”.

“One is loved because one is loved. No reason is needed for loving – Paulo Coelho”

My prayer and heart desire are for the truth of God to permeate every husband, wife, and marriage. You shall know the truth, and it will set you free. Many homes, families and unions have been destroyed by believing the enemy’s lies originating from evil cultural traditions and entrenchment. I pray the wind of change, illuminating light of God will seep into every darkness and bring joy, peace, and long-lasting marriages. 

A good and lasting marriage is a solid foundation for Godly children and society.