A Gentle Giant in Marriage

Meekness is an attitude required for a successful and peaceful marriage, and every so often, some of us have not made conscious efforts to develop it. We habitually think people are meek and gentle by nature, but these are attributes that everyone can cultivate. I love watching documentaries on oceans, forests and environments in general. I have seen that one of the biggest fish in our sea – the whale shark, even though giants feed on the smallest planktons, crabs and small fish, posing no danger to humans. These whale sharks are gentle despite their enormous size. I often wonder if these creatures were to unleash their full force on other animals in the sea, would there be any safe place for other fishes? That picture is what I have in mind while writing you my readers today about meekness. Being gentle and able to control the power and force we have to keep peace, calm and tranquillity in our environment is golden. 

Being gentle and able to control the power and force we have to keep peace, calm and tranquillity in our environment is golden. 

Many spouses are unaware of how we disturb the peace in our homes and make it unsafe for our families due to our demeanour, authority, and power exhibition. 

Some prominent people are genuinely gentle giants, for example we have Presidents of countries or majority leaders; these people have what it takes to crush another person because of their size, power, or status, but they are conscious that people are intimidated even without saying a word. Hence, they make a conscious effort to put people at ease in their presence. In some families, the most dominant person may not be aware that their presence alone commands fear; on top of that, they roar and terrify those they ought to protect and most times, they are unaware that what they are doing is frightening. In their minds, they control and put the home in order; both spouses fall into this group. The voice of men, words of women and how they use it can cause trouble and lack of peace in homes. 

The voice of men, words of women and how they use it can cause trouble and lack of peace in homes.

Research has shown that the male voice can be scarier to women and not attractive but somewhat threatening. A deep male voice shows masculinity, dominance, and it is more to do with threatening other males away from their pack. 

“Human male traits imply physical aggression and formidability and provide competitive advantages in fighting or threatening other men more than they help attract women”.[1]

Many children are afraid to approach parents not because of what they did or not, but primarily due to fear and intimidation arising from the way we speak and command them. 

I want to encourage any dominant spouse, especially if you are a male, to consider how they may be intimidating their family unknowingly, and some people do it knowingly. Would you please choose to put your power under control and desire to be a meek and gentle person? Be a gentle giant; that is not going to diminish the awe and respect you get. Imagine a strong man carrying a new baby who is helpless and fragile, trying to make sure they are as gentle and careful as possible. Using their whole strength could hurt that child intentionally; this is the picture of a meek and gentle person. 

Jesus Christ is meek and our role model for being patient, calm, and living with restraint considering the fragility of people he created and loved. 

Jesus Christ is meek and our role model for being patient, calm, and living with restraint considering the fragility of people he created and loved.

Meekness is a positive attitude every husband and wife must put on; it is not natural but we develop and grow to become meek. I would encourage husbands to consider developing a meek attitude because; they are in a position of authority in marriage. Being masculine makes husbands stronger than wives physically most times, and they can dominate and control wives and children. Some husbands use the natural strength they ought to use to protect their family to hurt them because they are not meek and gentle. To be meek means being calm when provoked and recognising that using their strength can and will injure their family.

To be meek means being calm when provoked and recognising that using their strength can and will injure their family.

Wives also need to have a meek spirit and avoid using the weapon (tongue) to crush our spouses. Even though our tongue is a small member of the body, it can destroy a giant. Controlling our tongue will be another development area for some of us who have our way with words. Though a minor member of our body, our tongue is a giant when it comes to verbal assault. We must learn to control and not unleash the power of our tongue destructively. Have you ever wondered if you are meek person? I would encourage you to reflect and desire to become a meek person as Jesus admonished. 

Below are a few scriptures you could meditate upon to help develop a patient attitude.

• So, as those who have been chosen of God, holy and beloved, put on a heart of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience; Colossians 3:12
• Therefore I, the prisoner of the Lord, implore you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling with which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, showing tolerance for one another in love, Ephesians 4:1-2
• The Lord’s bond-servant must not be quarrelsome, but be kind to all, able to teach, patient when wronged, with gentleness correcting those who are in opposition, if perhaps God may grant them repentance leading to the knowledge of the truth, 2 Timothy 2:24-25
• But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law. Galatians 5:22-23

To change or renew our mind, we must meditate on the word of God, it is the only potent tool of deliverance along side praying that the Holy Spirit help us to understand the word and have a soft and obedient heart. 

I am a certified SYMBIS ASSESSMENT facilitator, and I would love to help you start your marriage right if you are getting married soon. If you are already married, I can also help you enrich your marriage by helping you and your partner understand how your personalities mesh. Saving Your Marriage Before IT Starts (SYMBIS) is a research-based questionnaire that couples take individually. We will generate a comprehensive report which I will help you unpack as your facilitator.

Research has shown that the couple who took the assessment reduced the divorce rate by 31%, saving one-third of couples whose marriage could have ended in divorce. Still, because they took the assessment, they were well prepared and avoided pitfalls while maximising the full potential of their relationships.