In the bible, two primary laws underpin marriage success. Husbands love your wives and wives respect your husbands. Love and respect go hand in hand; it is like a chicken before the egg or egg before the chicken. Whenever a husband genuinely and unconditionally loves his wife, I am pretty sure the wife will adore and much honour her husband. A wife full of adoration and honour for her husband will make him behave more lovingly towards his wife. These two acts go on to influence each other. However, where the issue has been for marriages in turmoil is when one partner is waiting to do their share because the other partner is not doing their role. People tend to pin the kick start of the relationship on the woman. Women are the ones that build the home and control the marriage’s atmosphere many cultures believe.
A woman who loves her husband will honour, adore, and respect him.
However, women take this on, and some men take advantage of it. The woman is left to keep the marriage while her husband may not reciprocate. If this goes on, resentment and rebellion build up. We have looked at how husbands can be loving to their wives in a previous post. Even though women are not asked expressly in the bible to love their husbands, generally we are all called to living a loving and caring life. Hence, a woman who loves her husband will honour, adore, and respect him.
You can also read: How to be a loving husband to your wife
Below are four ways women can become loving wives to our husbands.
Accept your husband as your man
1 Corinthians 11:8 says for man is not of the woman; but the woman of the man. Neither was the man created for the woman, but the woman for the man. Understanding that in our marriage as women, we are made to be the helpmeet of our husbands can help us simplify our role. I must tell you being a helpmeet does not come naturally, but through searching and asking God, we can devote our lives to serve and support. As a wife, our role is to support our husbands and do what they may not do or do not want to do.
As a wife, our role is to support our husbands and do what they may not do or do not want to do.
This can be tricky when a man does not do his responsibility as a man and the head. When a man leaves all his responsibility to the woman, she becomes her own husband and a wife at the same time. It takes understanding and wisdom to choose to honour and submit in that situation deliberately. Unfortunately, this is the scenario in so many marriages, making it uneasy for the woman who bears the burden to continue to endure hardship and still be loving. However, we can ask for grace and wisdom to still find ways to love and honour our husbands. Why do we need to do that? Because we are subject to God’s authority and order. If a woman refuses to accept her husband as her man, he will not become the man she wants him to be.
If a woman refuses to accept her husband as her man, he will not become the man she wants him to be.
I will encourage women to ask for the grace to continue to hold their husbands in high esteem because of our role as the wife. Remember you are a wife because of that man, and our main task is to honour and support him to be the best God has called him to be. Without our acceptance of our role and the order, we risk behaving unlovingly to our husbands.
Ensure that his physical, emotional, and sexual needs are met
Men need help and hence the reason God made us their helpmeet. If you ask a man if he needs help, some would probably say no am ok by me. Yes, a man may be ok by himself, but he cannot fulfil the mandate to dominate the world as God commanded without a woman. For example, a man cannot reproduce without a woman’s help. So as women, we are to ensure we help our husbands fulfil the commands God has given them. We must see that our husbands are well cared for, look for his wellbeing, comfort, and rest. Nothing a man wants more than coming home to a nice dinner, well prepared and served just for him. We can also be the loving wife our husband desire is to be a refuge for his emotional support. Men care so much about their emotions, and if tinkered with, they will withdraw it completely.
Men care so much about their emotions, and if tinkered with, they will withdraw it completely.
Therefore, we must learn how to respond to our husbands’ feelings and emotions. Men and women express and manage emotions differently, to be able to understand men, we must enter their world. I recently read the bestselling book by John Gray – ‘Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus’. This book provides excellent and great insights into how men and women process emotions. It gives women practical ways to support men and be a safe place of refuge for our husbands’ feelings. We cannot overemphasise the need to meet our husband’s sexual needs. Sex is for marriage and should be enjoyed by both spouses. However, research has shown that men often have a higher sex drive than women, although not in all cases. There are exceptions where some men have reduced libido. Men love sex and would do anything to have sexual satisfaction and release. A loving wife would make sex enjoyable and be available to satisfy her husband.
A loving wife would make sex enjoyable and be available to satisfy her husband.
Our goal ladies should be to make our husbands be ravished with our love, such that he is running back home to have a good sexual experience. Good sex has more to do with intimacy rather than the act itself. How you make your husband feel before, during and after sex has a lot to do with how much you love him. There are so many ways: men can make this happen because it does take two to tango. We will look at that in the future; this post is for us women. Let there be so much love in your heart for your husband; it will reflect your sexual experience.
Speak with a soft tone and respect
Words are powerful, and with our words, we can build up our husbands or ruin them. You know, as women, we are blessed with the gift of words. Most women have their way with words. This is an area of challenge for me, and the Lord has helped me grow and mature. Most women have small frames compared to their husbands, we may not be able to abuse our husbands physically, but we are experts at verbal abuse and damage. A loving wife will speak with a loving tone and respect. It is often not what we say that gets to our husband but more to do with how we said it.
It is often not what we say that gets to our husband but more to do with how we said it.
A gentle response turns away, wrath the Bible admonished. I agree some people are naturally quiet, lowly and meek, oh how I wish I were softly meek naturally. However, having a bubbly and extroverted temperament, does not mean we cannot be gentle and submissive. The Bible says, tame your tongue; we have to be soft and respect our husbands. We are often cautious and respectful to other men, yet we may have allowed familiarity to breed contempt with our spouse. To be a loving wife, we have to honour and respect our husband deliberately and reflect that in our speech, tone of voice and attitudes.
Suggested Read: 3 reasons marriages are suffering and plagued with troubles
Focus on making your home a safe place to return to for your husband
A home is welcoming, warm, happy and safe. We can have a big house furnished to a great taste but not a home. The dictionary defines a home as a place where someone lives permanently and a house as a building where people live or meet. You can move from house to house and make it your home. As a loving wife, we must never let our home become just a house or a hell for our husband.
As a loving wife, we must never let our home become just a house or a hell for our husband.
If we have this at the back of our mind, we will respond with love even when we misunderstand each other, because we want our husbands to come home to a peaceful place. If the argument or issue will cost your peace, it is too expensive, and the price is too high to pay. We must learn to guard your home’s harmony; a loving family is a peaceful home. Let your husband come home to a quiet place no matter what he may have gone through outside. One significant way we unintentionally make our home unpleasant is being a contentious wife. Oh, we must do all to avoid being contentious. Proverbs 25:24 paints the picture well “it is better to live outside and exposed to elements than inside and exposed to the abuse of a controversial and quarrelsome wife.
Loving is a choice, and it requires intentionality, knowledge, and sacrifice. Women, we are equipped with the capacity to love and I know many circumstances affect our loving attitudes. However, let us choose to love anyway; it may turn cold husbands’ hearts and save our marriages.
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Abi Apalara loves sharing insightful information that helps couples flourish in life and their marriage relationship. I have enjoyed both good marital pleasures and challenging times in my marriage. I came to realise, the points where I missed it, were areas I lacked information on how to.
Making it up along the way, only meant I was going the wrong way. Desperately seeking to get back into marital bliss, I started exploring and reading about those areas of challenge. I also reached out to counselors and began to see what I was missing.
After a surprising move into relationship study, I have found peace of mind and happy with my marriage. I have authored the book Are you ready? Marriage expectation versus realty to share my experience and encourage men and women to work on their
marriages, by seeking knowledge and apply it to their marriage relationship.
My latest book, Are you ready? Marriage expectation versus reality focuses on discovering some of the unrealistic expectations we bring into a marriage. It comes with practical advice and a guide on how to get it right before and after getting married. You can also preorder the book here