I have often come across and spoken to men who want to love their wives and cherish them but do not understand what they are doing wrong, even though they are doing their best. I have realised that their actions may not convey the very message of love they are trying to pass on to their wives. The way we receive love is the natural and more comfortable approach; we often want to reciprocate that love. It can become difficult and frustrating for a man trying to show his wife love but doing so the manner he understands. For example, showing a man love can mean giving him space to be alone for some time when he feels being sucked in or choked by life. Yet a man trying to show love to his wife by staying away when she is in deep distress may have just shot himself in the foot.
Most women’s very nature is to find a pillar of support to lean on when their world is turning upside down.
Most women’s very nature is to find a pillar of support to lean on when their world is turning upside down. A spouse being there to understand, help, and comfort would mean the world to her. These differences are why men and women find it difficult to understand each other initially and loathe one another as time goes by in a marriage. But the moment a wife or husband understand the mystery of speaking and giving love the way, their partner wants to be loved, the moment they become inseparable and best friends.
This understanding comes easily and naturally for most people if they have been exposed to women and pick up these traits. Other men may not have paid attention to these traits or refuse to develop and deploy them in their marriage. When a man lacks the skills to love the way a woman desires, the result is then determined by their commitment to making that marriage work. If the man wants to keep his marriage, he quickly begins to learn and apply these pearls of wisdom. Sadly, not in many cases, as we can see in divorce rates and physical violence, leading to the dissolution of marriages.
One of the many ways to become an expert in any area is by study and applying knowledge and skills gained.
Therefore, men must learn how to love and express love to women in the language women understand and desire. One of the many ways to become an expert in any area is by study and applying knowledge and skills gained. Learning does not mean one has no knowledge or does not know what one is doing; it is simply becoming better at what we are doing. Therefore, I will encourage men to begin to find out and apply how to truly love a woman to satisfy and bring harmony into their marriage.
Below are four tips to becoming a loving husband.
Always Take Decisions Together as a couple
When you are careful to consider your spouse when making plans and taking decisions, she will always feel cherished and respected. Many men act autonomously and expect their wives not to lift a finger without their knowledge. If as a leader, you are not leading by example, you are not leading correctly. The action they say speak louder than voice. Let me share this story with you. As a parent, I have been trying to get my teenage daughter to create a schedule and keep it even during this pandemic. I have spoken about it many times, but the day I brought my schedule and showed her, we analyse how it has been helping me keep sane, and in order, it made an impact. I was shocked to see her make a drastic change the very next day.
If as a leader, you are not leading by example, you are not leading correctly.
Do unto others what you want others to do unto you is a guide that can help husbands love more but when it comes to an understanding a wife, you cannot apply what satisfy you as a man. We must apply what works and resonate with the woman, which comes with knowing. The first point is to ask our spouse how they like to receive love. Be vigilant to record actions that make them feel love and repeat those actions. Don’t make decisions that will affect the family without consulting your spouse.
Accept your spouse as your equal partner in the marriage
Many cultures and traditions have made some men have beliefs that are detrimental to their marriage success. Some men believe they are superior to their wives because they are the head or the breadwinner. This attitude can make them demean their wives, which does not convey a loving attitude.
Some men believe they are superior to their wives because they are the head or the breadwinner.
Jesus was equal to God, but He did not consider that glory, He laid it down to become a man like us to relate with us lovingly. Let us imagine God comes down in His full glory, and I doubt if anyone will be able to fellowship with Him as Jesus’s disciples did. Jesus is a servant leader; He is the role model for leadership with equity. He ate the last supper and washed His disciples’ feet. He never let them feel his weight as God, but He ravished them with His love. This made the disciples leave everything to follow and even become martyrs for the Kingdom. Love your wife and relate with her without making her feel inferior. The truth is women are not inferior as the world may have made it to be because women are not created as inferiors but a suitable helpmeet. Male and female He created them to rule and dominate the world together.
Treat your wife with dignity in front of your family and friends
I heard someone preach on marriage recently, he mentioned you must become “wife biased” to know you love your wife as you should. People around you should be able to commend you for the way you protect your wife in her presence or not.
A man that disgraces his wife disgraces himself too.
A loving husband will protect his wife and not speak ill of her or insult her in any way. Leaving your wife stranded or exposing her weaknesses to your family and friends will not portray you as a loving husband. Learn to shield your spouse’s shortcoming in public and then go into your bosom to discuss it. A man that disgraces his wife disgraces himself too.
You must learn to listen to your wife with interest
Women love to share their feelings and talk, a thing woman need, not just a want. If a car needs petrol to function the way the manufacturer had stated when you purchased it. If you decide petrol is not a smell you like and you cannot be going to the fuel station to refuel as often as the car needs fuel, you can never enjoy the ride. Women need to talk about their day, they want to involve you in their activities, and as a loving husband, you must learn to be involved. You cannot say, “that is not my thing”, yes talking in detail may not be your need but it is her need, and you ought to be present to show you are loving. Loving is giving not receiving as most people tend to believe. To love is to lay down yourself for another. So, if you want to love that woman and you love her as you claim, what have you laid down for her sake?
You can also read: 3 reasons marriages are suffering and plagued with troubles
Loving is giving not receiving as most people tend to believe.
These are fundamental truths and behaviours that show loving attitudes. Although for so many men, they have been misled to believe giving money, roses and sex mean love. They may work for a while, but deep, lasting love grows into attitudes and actions that follow. If money was all the love that can make a woman happy, then millionaires should not be having issues. If sex was all the love a woman needs, then those stallions should not divorce, and if pecks and shallow expression of love were enough, many marriages would not dissolve straight after the honeymoon.
Why not decide to learn how to love and love so deep that nothing would be able to separate you and your spouse in your marriage today.
Are you longing for inspiration for your life and marriage? Learning new skills and acquiring knowledge can greatly improve your relationship with your spouse. When you know better, you can do better and make a big difference in your relationship. Subscribe to updates from Abi here!
Abi Apalara loves sharing insightful information that helps couples flourish in life and their marriage relationship. I have enjoyed both good marital pleasures and challenging times in my marriage. I came to realise, the points where I missed it, were areas I lacked information on how to.
Making it up along the way, only meant I was going the wrong way. Desperately seeking to get back into marital bliss, I started exploring and reading about those areas of challenge. I also reached out to counselors and began to see what I was missing.
After a surprising move into relationship study, I have found peace of mind and happy with my marriage. I have authored the book Are you ready? Marriage expectation versus realty to share my experience and encourage men and women to work on their
marriages, by seeking knowledge and apply it to their marriage relationship.
My latest book, Are you ready? Marriage expectation versus reality focuses on discovering some of the unrealistic expectations we bring into a marriage. It comes with practical advice and a guide on how to get it right before and after getting married. You can also preorder the book here