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Be intentional about your marriage; success and failure of marriage are predictable.

Be intentional about your marriage, success and failure of marriage are predictable.

Focus and intention are qualities that separate successful people from unsuccessful people. Some people have no purpose or motive to make their marriage peaceful, rewarding, and enjoyable. Should you ask many couples today if they ever had the intention and were focussed on making their marriage a haven? Many people will probably not be able to answer that question easily. I certainly wanted a happy marriage, but I cannot categorically state that it was my mission and focus from the onset. I had it at the back of my mind, but never really discussed it or made it a focal point or topic of discussion. Things we do not put at the front burner of our lives tend to recede into the very far corner, and we end up losing focus on what we ought to exactly put our focus on. 

The husband asked his wife to allow their home to be a peaceful haven for him to come back to each night

Recently I read an article on a couple who had been married for seven years, they were quizzed on the secret of their happiness in the marriage so far. The husband asked his wife to allow their home to be a peaceful haven for him to come back to each night. Therefore, whenever there was an issue that threatens the peace he so desired, he weighs the pros and cons of losing his peace. Hence he was able to make sound judgement and react accordingly. Given this perspective and focus, it was difficult for him to burst into arguments or scream at the top of his voice when offended. Why? Because he knew he would be disrupting the peace he was after. The wife also made her request, and this was that she would appreciate her husband’s support and encouragement in following her dreams. She had a focus and ability to create a peaceful and loving home just as her husband was her greatest cheerleader. They were both fulfilled and had a reason to ensure they resolve any threats to their marriage. 

Whatever we set out to do with intentionality keeps us in check and aligned with our goals and objectives

Oh, how I wished I had such an intention at the start of my marriage. Whatever we set out to do with intentionality keeps us in check and aligned with our goals and objectives. For example,  many clashes in marriages could be resolved effortlessly, where the couples were intentional about keeping the peace. An argument over money which cannot buy peace would have been quenched easily by resolving the money issue rather than the couples turning on each other’s attitude or began a cold war. Challenges such as intrusions from in-laws or friends would be unblurred if the couple was intentional about keeping their intimacy. They will surely resist intervention and keep their marriage bond intact. 

Suggested Read: Is your marriage relationship dull and gloomy? Read this before your quit!

Success in marriage is not pure luck at all.

However, where there is no vision, people cast off restraint the bible says. In many instances where the couples are not intentional about loving each other through thick and thin, there is bound to be a failed marriage. Success in marriage is not pure luck at all. It requires commitment, dedication, getting up and showing up when one does not feel like doing so and focus on making the marriage enjoyable. Why not begin this new year with a focus and determination to make your marriage work. Once you know where they are going and what you want in a marriage, it is quite easy for you to identify and say no to things and people that will take you to another destination. It is just like waiting at a bus stop going to a particular destination, no matter how long it takes to wait for the bus heading to your destination, you will wait for it. Only a fool and someone who has no idea of where they were going will get to a bus stop and jump on another bus because their bus is taking too long to arrive. Why? Because they will never get to their destination if they get on another bus. However, should someone not have a place in mind already, they will be unable to decide which bus they will enter. They can jump any bus and take them anywhere because they never had any destination in mind. What happened to such people is they become frustrated; they cannot measure their success because they have no measure in the first instance. 

You can also read: 7 things you can do together as a couple to strengthen your

Do not begin your marital journey without a clear focus of what you want from that marriage.

Do not begin your marital journey without a clear focus of what you want from that marriage. If you have already begun and have been married but frustrated because you never had focus or intention, it is not too late, to start with, a good destination in mind. May I suggest – a happy, peaceful, and beautiful marriage? You then decide what you need to do to make your relationship happy. It is not going to be an easy ride but with focus and intention, you can get off the wrong bus and the moment you decide to get on the right bus, you are on your way to your destination. 

Are you longing for inspiration for your life and marriage? Learning new skills and acquiring knowledge can greatly improve your relationship with your spouse. When you know better, you can do better and make a big difference in your relationship. Subscribe to updates from Abi here!

Abi Apalara loves sharing insightful information that helps couples flourish in life and their marriage relationship. I have enjoyed both good marital pleasures and challenging times in my marriage. I came to realise, the points where I missed it, were areas I lacked information on how to.

Making it up along the way, only meant I was going the wrong way. Desperately seeking to get back into marital bliss, I started exploring and reading about those areas of challenge. I also reached out to counselors and began to see what I was missing.
After a surprising move into relationship study, I have found peace of mind and happy with my marriage. I have authored the book Are you ready? Marriage expectation versus realty to share my experience and encourage men and women to work on their
marriages, by seeking knowledge and apply it to their marriage relationship.


My latest book, Are you ready? Marriage expectation versus reality focuses on discovering some of the unrealistic expectations we bring into a marriage. It comes with practical advice and a guide on how to get it right before and after getting married. You can also preorder the book here

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