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Is your marriage relationship dull and gloomy? Read this before your quit!

Marriage is a lifelong commitment which if one is not intentional, can easily become monotonous and unexciting. It is one of the many reasons why spouses get tired and try to pursue adventures outside of their marriage. However, it is not a valid excuse to ruin your marriage or cheat on your spouse.

There are many activities we take in life that required doing the same thing repeatedly. For example, becoming educated takes a long time, people simply do not abandon schooling because it is tedious and boring, they endure and determine to succeed. It is the determination to succeed in life that keeps one going and successful eventually. 

Most times some couples begin their marriage with the wrong mindsets and intentions. “I do not think it will work”. “Marriage is a necessary evil”. “Women are crazy”. “Men are wicked”. There are so many other thoughts, myths, and ideas we have been exposed to within our environments. These types of ideas sit at the back of our minds and plaque our marriages because we are a product of our environment.

To have a successful and passionate marriage, husband and wife must admit it is going to be a long journey.

They must have the desire to run the marriage marathon and reach the end successfully. Marriage is not a dash or sprint; therefore, it requires commitment. I have watched many London marathon in my lifetime and I have not seen a successful marathon runner without a strategy? People running a marathon without strategy and determination soon burn out and drop off before the finish line. Running a marathon is a mind game, it is strategic, sacrificial runners endured because of the expectation of satisfaction at the finish line. Husbands and wives must start their marriage with the intention to enjoy and keep working to enjoy their relationship.

Suggested Read: 5 ways to solve problems in your marriage

It is impossible to start a marriage and expect to enjoy forever without putting in effort daily to keep and maintain the relationship. Passion can help couples maintain and enjoy their marriage. What are your expectations for passion in your marriage? Passion is defined as a feeling of intense enthusiasm towards or compelling desire for someone or something. We must be passionate about our relationship with our spouse. Passion can range from eager interest in or admiration for an idea, proposal, or cause; hence the reason to have a passionate marriage in your mind.  

Are you passionate about your marriage? 

Passion ignites the flame and brings to life what is dull and dreary. Passion means you are enthusiastic and earnestly desire enjoyment in your marriage. If your main goal is to enjoy your marriage, you will be careful to do away with anything, people, idea, or motives that will steal or destroy your enjoyment.

Passion means you have strong attraction, excitement, or emotion towards your spouse. It is particularly used in the context of romance or sexual desire, though it generally implies a deeper or more encompassing emotion than that implied by the term lust. Therefore, you must pursue your spouse with an authentic passion and realise that it needs to be sustained and intentional.

Once you can establish a good and success-oriented mindset about your marriage, then you need to add passion to the burning flame and continue to add to ensure it does not run out.

If you light a fire and do not feed it, the flame will die out.

The worrisome state of many marriages today is because some couples have neglected their passion for each other. What brought them together was passion, for some it may not even be love at first sight, but they developed passion for each other. As a husband you took some actions, you pursued and won the heart of your wife. As a woman, you made yourself available and open to receive love and gave love in return to your husband. The reason the initial passion fades away is that once people get married, they assume, their love will grow, or and deepen automatically. No that is the mistake many people have been making yet many are still making today. Love is active and requires maintenance.

Couples must also anticipate change and explore new ways of spicing up their marriages. You and your spouse are not going to remain the same forever. You are going to change as well as your partner. Are you anticipating change? Are we checking and maintaining our relationships, or we allow it to grow old and cold? As married couples, sometimes we are too comfortable with our status and forget to ignite passion in our marriages. 

What are you going to do differently today to restore passion into your relationship? 

The reason why many people seek new partners or cheat in a marriage is that they are seeking new thrills and adventures. You can continue to enjoy your husband or wife if you would renew your mind and put in the effort to keep your marriage passionate.

You can also read: Principles of Marriage: ACCEPTANCE (Part 2)

Do not throw away your relationship if it is dull and dreary, all you need is to ignite the passion and keep the fire burning. You and I must be intentional about our marriage relationship. I encourage you to invest in your marriage again, the thrill and passion you are seeking outside of your sacred marriage, can be found if you will bring back the spark you two once had.

I would love to hear from you if you took steps to bring back passion in your marriage.

Are you longing for inspiration for your life and marriage? Learning new skills and acquiring knowledge can greatly improve your relationship with your spouse. When you know better, you can do better and make a big difference in your relationship. Subscribe to updates from Abi here!

Abi Apalara loves sharing insightful information that helps couples flourish in life and their marriage relationship. I have enjoyed both good marital pleasures and challenging times in my marriage. I came to realise, the points where I missed it, were areas I lacked information on how to.

Making it up along the way, only meant I was going the wrong way. Desperately seeking to get back into marital bliss, I started exploring and reading about those areas of challenge. I also reached out to counselors and began to see what I was missing.
After a surprising move into relationship study, I have found peace of mind and happy with my marriage. I have authored the book Are you ready? Marriage expectation versus realty to share my experience and encourage men and women to work on their
marriages, by seeking knowledge and apply it to their marriage relationship.


My latest book, Are you ready? Marriage expectation versus reality focuses on discovering some of the unrealistic expectations we bring into a marriage. It comes with practical advice and a guide on how to get it right before and after getting married. You can also preorder the book here

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