5 ways to solve problems in your marriage

Problem-solving skill is not just useful at work but vital to having a happy and harmonious marriage. Marriage is a learning journey, and couples need to develop skills and tools to help them overcome the many challenges they will face in their marriage. No marriage is problem proof, the difference between those couples who are thriving in marriage are those learning, unlearning, and re-learning what it takes to enjoy their marriage. It is therefore important for men and women to understand the need to develop many soft skills needed for a successful marriage.

“It only takes a few minutes to get married, but building a marriage requires a lifetime” – Myles Munro

I used to struggle with resolving conflict in my marriage, I wanted a win-win solution most times and whenever I don’t achieve that, it meant pain for me and as you can imagine trouble for my husband. But I soon realise, in marriage, one cannot and may not reach a win-win all the time. So how did I overcome my predicament?

I learnt about the five styles of conflict resolution – a course I took at work. Organisations are training team members and equipping staff to acquire the necessary skills to build a functioning and performing team. It is imperative that couples are taught how to develop the skills needed for working together as a team. 

The knowledge and skill gained have since helped me to avoid unnecessary pain, that I would have previously inflicted on my marriage because I wanted a win-win solution. 

Let me share them with you, I am sure you will find them useful in your relationship whether you are single or married. 

The Five Styles of Conflict Resolution

Avoiding the Conflict

It is not all fight that is worth fighting, there are many times that couples fight over incidences that could have been easily overlooked by one or both. If your partner will nip and pick fight over evert little matter, be the one to avoid the fight. I have found this useful; it is just like giving way first when you are driving. 

Giving in

As a wife, you may need to give in a lot. But I will advise our husbands, learn to give in too for peace sake. Even though you may be in the right, I encourage you to cherish and protect your relationship over and above winning an argument. There is nothing worth losing your beautiful marriage relationship for. 

Standing your ground

There are situations you may need to take a stand. This should be sparingly used by both spouses. If you are being abused whether physical, psychological, economical, or emotional, you will need to take a stand and seek counsel fast before you are drained or find yourself in a precarious situation. If you feel threatened in your marriage, please do not wait until you are in complete danger, seek intervention. 


This is what most couple default to initially in a marriage. Just giving in and not meeting your own need often leads to resentment and bitterness. When you compromise, make sure you are partially satisfied. 


This is the best way to solve a conflict, find a workable solution for yourselves. It may not happen all the time, but it should be your goal most of the times. Seek a win-win solution for any issues. Do not go ahead until you have both met each other’s need. This is love and sacrifice that makes a marriage work. Marriage should be collaborative and care for the other person. If you as a spouse is concerned about the welfare of your partner, you will not make a unilateral decision or be inconsiderate to the need of your spouse. 

There is power in learning, gaining new skills and knowledge which when applied becomes wisdom. Women and men need the wisdom to build their home and make their marriage experience a pleasant and joyful one.  

Don’t allow what you don’t know to deny you the opportunity, of creating and having a great marriage. But don’t just acquire knowledge, the joy of it is applying what you have learnt as wisdom.

Are you longing for inspiration for your life and marriage? Learning new skills and acquiring knowledge can greatly improve your relationship with your spouse. When you know better, you can do better and make a big difference in your relationship. Subscribe to updates from Abi here!

Abi Apalara loves sharing insightful information that helps couples flourish in life and their marriage relationship. I have enjoyed both good marital pleasures and challenging times in my marriage. I came to realise, the points where I missed it, were areas I lacked information on how to.

Making it up along the way, only meant I was going the wrong way. Desperately seeking to get back into marital bliss, I started exploring and reading about those areas of challenge. I also reached out to counselors and began to see what I was missing.
After a surprising move into relationship study, I have found peace of mind and happy with my marriage. I have authored the book Are you ready? Marriage expectation versus realty to share my experience and encourage men and women to work on their
marriages, by seeking knowledge and apply it to their marriage relationship.

My latest book, Are you ready? Marriage expectation versus reality focuses on discovering some of the unrealistic expectations we bring into a marriage. It comes with practical advice and a guide on how to get it right before and after getting married. You can also preorder the book here

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