Are you wondering why you are having difficulty managing your relationships?
Being mature is one of the requirements of a person who is going to have a successful relationship especially in a marriage relationship. Maturity is defined in the dictionary as the quality of behaving mentally and emotionally like an adult.
A mature person is someone who has grown to 18years of age and above. As an adult they ought to have grown and developed, mentally, emotionally, and able to behave responsibly. Some people grow in age but refuse to mature emotionally and mentally and continue to behave in an immature way.
Immaturity is behaviour that does not show wisdom, emotional and mental development.
This quote by Eleanor Roosevelt captures the essence of a mature mind.
A mature person is one who does not think only in absolutes, who can be objective even when deeply stirred emotionally, who has learned that there is both good and bad in all people and all things, and who walks humbly and deals charitably.
By Eleanor Roosevelt
In marriage, you and your spouse need to be matured in age, emotionally, and mentally. Sometimes people can advance in age but not mature. Some older men and women increase in age but not mature in other areas. They remain immature at an emotional and mental level.
Immature people are hardened by life trials and struggles, they tend to succumb with self-pity, they have no idea how to manage relationships especially conflicts and therefore they are stressed, confused, and may become insecure.
Below are three indicators of maturity, there are many more, but I believe if you can master these three, you are on your way to maturing and becoming sweet like an old wine.
Responsibility
At age 18 years a person is now an adult, responsible and accountable for their actions.
A mature person will take responsibility for any circumstance they find themselves; they own their failure and success and would not blame other people for the outcomes. A mature spouse will take responsibility bestowed upon them in their marriage. If as a spouse, you are still blaming your other half for your failures, lack of progress, inactions, and so on, then you need to work on becoming mature in this area. I used to blame my husband for some of the choices I made in my career path and greatly resented him for the outcome of my choice.
It was not until I owned my failures and accepted, I made those choices by myself due to my convictions. Therefore, as a matured mind, I cannot blame him, I had to pick up myself and develop my career. This time I was aware of my choices and my decisions were based on the outcome I wanted. This helped me to become free from any bitterness and able to relate to him as a loving wife. You have to be objective and do not allow emotions to cloud your judgment when making decisions or accepting decisions made for you in your marriage. Once you accept it, please be ready to own it. It is your responsibility to accept or reject any actions you may or may not like. When you learn to own and take responsibility for your actions, you are less likely to blame and criticise your partner. You are less likely to feel they have cheated you or wrecked you. When you become mature in your marriage relationship, your behavior is down to you and you only.
It is an immature and irresponsible partner that will leave what they ought to do and not do it and then blame their partner for that decision. This is where the trouble starts in a marriage, one partner will behave badly and then blame that action on the other spouse because they made them do it. No that is wrong, your actions are solely your responsibility. The bible says to him who knows how to do good and do it not, it will be counted as a sin. To be matured in marriage is to own your actions, your failures, take responsibility for any circumstance you find yourself.
The good news is you can change yourself; you can decide to grow, and you can make better choices. It is never too late to mature.
Growth Oriented
Maturity does not come naturally as we grow in age, yes physical maturity is happening, but the body is being fed and nurtured in other to grow fully and healthy. If a child is starved of the basic nutrition needed for proper growth, they will become deficient in some areas and end up with stunted growth. There is the need to feed your mind with the knowledge and skills needed to navigate issues of life, in other to become matured emotionally and mentally. Many people have not developed their minds or mental capacity to become matured in this area.
Reading books, learning how to act responsibly, and becoming emotionally intelligent are ways of becoming mature in these areas. However immature people do not want to learn, or they learn and will not apply what they have leaned due to one reason or the other. Sometimes some people because they have grown in age assume, they are mature automatically. Marriage needs people who are emotionally and mentally matured to create a good home. There are going to be many issues and hurdles to cross in marriage, even two best friends, best-matched couples will have to face this challenge.
The difference between a thriving or struggling marriage is directly related to their emotional maturity level. Where one spouse is immature, couples would not be able to resolve differences and conflicts successfully. Unresolved issues will lead to resentment, bitterness violence, and so on. Are you learning how to become a better version of yourself? If you are having issues in your marriage, I will recommend you take a look at yourself and see how you can improve your emotional maturity. If you are still looking at your partner as the problem and wished you could change him, please work on yourself first. Start by reading and investing in your personal development. I am more aware of actions and triggers that affect me emotionally and have since developed and become emotionally intelligent. This has helped me to manage my own emotions and has taken control of how I respond to actions that previously would have set me alight.
I encourage you to develop yourself by seeking to learn and develop yourself not just for marriage relationships, it will impact every other relationship in your life.
Available and open-minded
A mature person is an open-minded individual, who sees things from a different perspective and can allow other people’s opinions without getting hurt or defensive. They are open to interruptions and are accessible. An immature person is unable to communicate effectively, they will rather go an shut themselves in a room, and wait on their partner to beg them to explain what is wrong with them. Maturity means you value other people’s opinions, able to ask for feedback and receive constructive feedback to develop any identified areas of weakness. Maturity helps people to manage their ego, it reduces the chances of developing a sense of entitlement which can lead to an over-inflated ego.
Matured spouses in a marriage can work with their other half to solve issues, reach mutual agreement on how they want to do marriage, and make allowance for each other’s faults. To build a happy and successful marriage, it requires you as a spouse to be humble, let your partner know your weakness, and make up for that blind spot in your life. Being humble will make you as a spouse to accept you made a mistake, correct the mistake, and make amend. Matured spouses will not be concerned about who is right, they will be more concerned about what is right and the preservation of the relationship. Maturity in marriage demands a new you, a new way of setting priorities. For example, as a single lady, I could go anywhere I like at any time without the need to consider my actions on other people.
When I became married, I realised I cannot go anywhere I like, without informing my husband and be back at a reasonable time. Letting my partner know where I am going is not for monitoring purposes, but the consequences of not doing so will impact him and our children. Maturity demands that I am conscious, disciplined, and determine to change my attitude to reporting where I would be and when I would be back home. As a mother, I needed to grow to a new level of maturity and that is why maturity is continuous learning and re-learning of new principles. Be present and make time for what matters in your marriage, a partner that does not get his or her priorities right in marriage will come across as immature. If you are needed to take your child to school and you have a work commitment, as a matured father, your priority is your child, to do otherwise is to show you are not available to be a father. How too often have we seen absent fathers and mothers in families, this leads to trouble and breakdown of the marriage relationship. If you have not matured in this area, please work on it and develop a growth mindset. Some 50-year-old men and women have the intelligence and maturity of 20-year olds. Age alone does not show maturity.
The challenge is we want other people to change but the real challenge is to change yourself.
Marriage demand a new and matured you!
