Most of us will know the story of Queen Vashti in the book of Esther, it is used to warn women of the consequences of disobedience to authority. However, there is another lesson that we can learn from this scripture. The king advisers gave the advice and reasons why King Xerxes should remove his wife. They encouraged him to break his marriage over a matter that he can forgive easily. They encouraged him to depose Queen Vashti so that fear can grip other women. Their main concern was that which stem from protecting their own interest. They had no compassion for him, and he was eventually sorrowful after the event. King Xerxes acted foolishly and he was in a state of mind that we cannot consider as sober. They had been drinking and wanted the queen to come and parade her beauty before them. No one took into consideration the dignity of the queen and the sanctity of marriage.
Who are your advisers in your marriage?
Are they helping you to mend your marriage or are they helping you to pull it apart? Have you sat down to consider the advice people that you surround yourself with are giving you? They may say they are doing it to boost your ego, is your ego worth losing your marriage? The king’s advisers had no thought for the marriage; the woman and how she may have felt when she was called up. Nobody hesitated or advised King Xerxes to save his marriage and bear with his wife.
The people in your circle of influence can help you destroy your marriage if you allow them.
Choose who your advisers are wisely.
It is a known fact that, most people pretend to be who they are not to prove a point outside of their home.
We have seen cases of men and women who are accepting untenable situations in their marriage but pretend to be having a good marriage to mislead the naïve.
The king acted in anger – a furious state and the advisers helped him to be even more enraged by telling him all other women will start to disobey their husbands. Do you make rash decisions when you are angry? Who do you go to when you are in despair? Where you seek advice, has a lot to do with the outcome of your marriage.
Look around you and soberly consider some of the advice people have given you in resolving issues in your marriage.
I have seen and heard of many cases of spouses who do everything for their partners and will run errands at their beck and call, yet they advise another person to ignore helping their spouse. “You should stop doing anything good for her, if she suffers enough, she will come round crawling and begging for your forgiveness.” Oh, the hearts of men are evil.
I belong to many marriage groups where some of the advice that men and women offer to situations being discussed are aimed at nothing but the destruction of the marriage.
We can see in the book of Esther that King Xerxes foolishly followed the advice of his counsellors and divorced Queen Vashti but it was an act that he later regretted. The advisers probably knew that when King Xerxes becomes sober, he will want to reconcile with his queen, they ensured that the decree was irreversible. They were quick to advise him to marry another woman. We talked about the danger that is involved whenever someone gives you their advice, or you read some words of advice, they may indeed be good advice, sometimes the intentions are wrong.
I will implore husbands and wife to be careful who they go to for advice. Your family, friends and foes are all advisers, but you must decide and weigh the advice given to you before implementing it.
The best place and person to go for advice first is GOD, use the word of God to decide how to act in your marriage.
Your spouse offends you what advice has the bible on that- simple forgiveness. Your wife is acting up, the biblical advice is to love her, wash her and present her to yourself as Christ did for the church. If you are offered advice by people and you do not first pray about what they have advised, you will ruin your marriage. Many homes have been broken by advisers in the king’s court and I pray that will not be your case.
I pray to God to give us wisdom in this area, whatever advice is given to you that will not bring you closer in your relationship to your spouse reject it. If the advice you are being given will bring harm to your spouse, reject it. If the advice you are being given will break your marriage vows, reject it. It is alarming to see how people advise husbands to go and have extramarital affairs to punish the wife, that has broken the marriage vow. It is not uncommon for advisers to advice people in their marriage to go and have children outside and so on.
The evil and atrocities being committed against marriage are huge and we also have those who will aid and abet the spouse to destroy their marriage.
Marriage is God’s idea, the best place to go for advice if you desire a good and loving marriage, is to look into the scriptures. Follow only godly advice that will improve your relationship and bring you and your partner closer rather than advice aimed at separating and hurting your spouse.
Remember it is your marriage that will be destroyed, and you are the one that will regret it. King Xerxes regretted his actions in the end.
I pray that God will give husbands and wives wisdom needed to build a good and lasting marriage.
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Abi Apalara loves sharing insightful information that helps couples flourish in life and their marriage relationship. I have enjoyed both good marital pleasures and challenging times in my marriage. I came to realise, the points where I missed it, were areas I lacked information on how to.
Making it up along the way, only meant I was going the wrong way. Desperately seeking to get back into marital bliss, I started exploring and reading about those areas of challenge. I also reached out to counsellors and began to see what I was missing.
After a surprising move into relationship study, I have found peace of mind and happy with my marriage. I have authored the book Are you ready? Marriage expectation versus realty to share my experience and encourage men and women to work on their
marriages, by seeking knowledge and apply it to their marriage relationship.
My latest book, Are you ready? Marriage expectation versus reality focuses on discovering some of the unrealistic expectations we bring into a marriage. It comes with practical advice and a guide on how to get it right before and after getting married. You can also preorder the book here