abi_2022(8)

Nice isn’t a good enough reason to marry someone: we need the Holy Spirit too!

by with No Comment Uncategorized

Have you ever met friendly but naughty people at the same time? Children are very good at playing nice but at the same time be naughty, and so the joy and pleasure given for being nice are wiped away when naughtiness sets in. We have not seen these types of scenarios in life where at an exact point an item can be cold and hot at the same time. It explains the complexity of human nature and interaction. 

Many people have gone into a relationship because the person asking their hand in marriage or the one that professed to love them was considered a nice man or nice woman. Do you know that being nice is not listed as a fruit of the spirit? 

I am yet to see a person who deliberately married someone who was not pleasant to them when they met. Marriage is a test of our character, our faith and our morality. Many husbands and wives would have been the best friend forever, best employee, best uncle, best aunty, best brother, or sister until marriage show their true self. Marriage has shown repeatedly that a nice man or woman will not necessarily become a loving partner. 

Marriage was God’s idea, and He created it to bring Him glory and honour and show how two completely different people can live together in love and harmony. Some people profess and prefer to love the God they cannot see and people from afar rather than the people they can see closely. The test of truly loving the way God wants us to love, is when we can love our spouse who is the closest to us, we are more open and vulnerable to our spouse than anyone else. Loving people who constantly upset or annoy us is possible by a supernatural presence of the Holy Spirit, and that is why it seems marriage is hard. We cannot love without the help of the Holy spirit. 

The Holy Spirit helps us be a loving spouse, especially when our husband or wife is hard to love. The fruit of the Holy Spirit listed in Galatians 5: 22-23 states:  

“22 But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness, and self-control. There is no law against these things”

Let us look at the fruit of the spirit – Joy! a deep-seated feeling that is not affected by our circumstances, and it is a knowing that we are Gods and no matter the situation around us, we have joy or find joy. Most people lose their joy in marriage because it really wasn’t joy, they had in the beginning. What some had was a feeling of love, euphoric love that wanes over time and pleasures that come with loving someone, especially sexually. These and more are what many counts as joy. No wonder when the passion fades, they can’t find joy in their lives and marriage anymore. 

What about kindness and patience? Many people naturally lack these characteristics, but the Holy Spirit produces these in us when we allow him. 

I hope today; you can look at yourself as I would myself and check that being nice or called nice alone cannot help us be the best spouse we could be. Are you allowing the holy spirit to cultivate the fruit of the spirit in you? Remember, like any tree that would bear fruit, we must be buried like a seed, which means dying to self, ego, flesh, and then sprouting a new shoot and reaching out to the sun while deepening our root into the ground. 

Submit to the holy spirit and be the best version of yourself, bless your spouse and enjoy marriage. 

abi_daily(211)

Love is an action word and doing word: for matured minds only.

by with No Comment Happy Marriage

Have you been in love?  When we were young, our parents described the moment they set their eyes on newborn babies, how in an instant, a strong affection develops for this little being. Even though a newborn child can cause sleepless nights, parents usually don’t stop caring and developing a strong bond with their children under normal circumstances; of course, there are exceptional cases that this does not occur. Loving a newborn is the picture of what loving unconditionally means; many couples love with conditions yet vow to love for better for worse, richer, or poorer, in sickness and in health. 

I often wonder how lightly married couples take their marital vows. Vows are powerful, and the Bible clarifies that it is better not to vow than to swear and not fulfil it. Many people suffer the consequences of breaking their oaths and blaming the devil or each other. Malachi 2 is a chapter in the bible many couples do not understanding, hence they are facing God’s righteous justice. You both vow to honour, cherish and love each other but as soon as cracks begin to surface, love becomes conditional.

Vows are powerful, and the Bible clarifies that it is better not to vow than to vow and not fulfil it.

Love is an action word and a doing word; it is a form of feeling yet much more than a feeling that comes and goes like the wind. I want to call you to a higher level of love, especially if you are in Christ. Love means you die to your selfish self and give yourself away to your spouse. You cannot give yourself away in love without being vulnerable, kind, compassionate and humble. Love gives a part of you without expecting a return the same way you have given it. Love is a buried seed; the plant seeds had to die to feed the new shoots, which then brings forth fruits. Some people want the fruit of love, which is admiration, elevation and glorification, just like our Lord Jesus, yet they want to skip the part of vulnerability, to serve and lay down their pride. 

I want to call you to a higher level of love, especially if you are in Christ

As a mother, I understand loving a child no matter the current situation, and I will always love and accept my children for who they are, not what they do. We are God’s children because He created us, and many that come to receive His grace are called the sons of God. Are you only able to love your spouse when they do as you say?  Love based on feelings dies and grow cold, but love based on conviction continue to wax stronger and stronger each day. It does not depend on the conditions around but a belief that we are one body, you are mine, and I am yours; when couples reach this level of love, they have hit the “sweet spot” in their marriage. 

Love based on feelings dies and grow cold, but love based on conviction continue to wax stronger

If you are still falling in and out of love quickly, you are yet to reach a level of maturity that helps you eat the fruit of unconditional love in your marriage. I pray couples will understand the depth and type of love (agape love) required for a beautiful marriage. Sexual love, obedience, love and infatuation are levels of love, and couples will go through these phases, but the ability to grow and develop unconditional love is critical to bliss. If one has not experienced and understood the unconditional love of God, how can one know and give this type of love? 

I pray you will come to accept Gods unconditional love and be filled with His love so you can love your neighbour – your spouse is your closest neighbour; why not start from there.

Great marriages don’t fall from heaven, they are heaven made on earth. 

abi_daily(195)

Can Mercy and Grace Make Marriages Merry?

by with No Comment Happy MarriageUncategorized

A few months ago, I told my children “No more snacks” because they ate up the snacks I bought within a week. My thought was the snacks would last up to a month. Am I sure some people can relate to this! However, before I knew it, we were in the shop again, buying more snacks. Parents have a way of forgiving and being merciful to their children. The word mercy is defined as “compassion or forgiveness shown towards someone who is within one’s power to punish or harm” or simply “not getting what you deserve”. God is a compassionate father, and if you and I should get the reward of what we deserve, undoubtedly no one will get to heaven. God didn’t want anyone to perish, hence He paid the price and forgave us all our past, present, and future sins. 

We cannot love like our father in heaven without developing an attitude of Mercy and compassion towards our spouse.

Many people do not fully understand the concept of Mercy in marriage. We cannot love like our father in heaven without developing an attitude of Mercy and compassion towards our spouse. Some people have read or come across people who have no concept of compassion or Mercy. Psychologists refer to such beings as having narcissistic personalities. They cannot feel sympathy or empathy towards someone else, their belief is in punishment, and see to it that they avenge themselves. What you give is what you get with these types of people, yet the astonishing thing is some of these people claim to be Christians. They pray and fast and cry out to God for Mercy, and they get no result: they are unforgiving and unable to extend the Grace and Mercy they desire. 

Any marriage or relationship where Mercy does not prevail will struggle with resolving conflict quickly.

Any marriage or relationship where Mercy does not prevail will struggle with resolving conflict quickly. As Christians, we must learn to put on the attitude of Mercy and grace; some couples do not reconcile quickly or ever at all, because one or both wants to avenge or revenge. Judgment and no mercy is what they crave. Mercy comes from a Hebrew word that means womb. The womb protects the baby inside it. A merciful spouse is concerned about protecting their partner and marriage and less concerned about self-preservation. A mother cares more for the baby in her womb and goes through the many changes to her body and the risks associated with birthing a baby. Her main concern while pregnant is the safe delivery of that baby. God has shown as a father we can be compassionate just as mothers are compassionate, it is not gender specific. Compassionate people care and protect their families; they show Mercy which result into happy and joyful marriages. 

A merciful spouse is concerned about protecting their partner and marriage and less concerned about self-preservation.

How merciful are you towards your spouse? Do you desire a happy marriage? Have you considered being merciful? You may have the power to control, dominate and hurt people because of your position in your marriage, but you don’t have to choose that path. Bind mercy and truth to your neck and see how graceful, beautiful, and loving you will become. 

Be merciful as your father in heaven is merciful. Shalom.

Good marriages don’t fall from heaven; they are heaven made on earth.

Please let me know in the comment if you are blessed.

I am a certified SYMBIS ASSESSMENT facilitator, and I would love to help you start your marriage right if you are getting married soon. If you are already married, I can also help you enrich your marriage by helping you and your partner understand how your personalities mesh. Saving Your Marriage Before IT Starts (SYMBIS) is a research-based questionnaire that couples take individually. We will generate a comprehensive report which I will help you unpack as your facilitator.

Research has shown that the couple who took the assessment reduced the divorce rate by 31%, saving one-third of couples whose marriage could have ended in divorce. Still, because they took the assessment, they were well prepared and avoided pitfalls while maximising the full potential of their relationships. 

Would you mind clicking the link below to learn more about SYMBIS and how you can take the assessment and start enjoying your marriage? Take Symbis Assessment

Over 1,000,000 couples and 100,000 pastors and counsellors cannot be wrong: SYMBIS is the most widely used pre-marital assessment in existence. SYMBIS+ is excellent for already married couples.

What SYMBIS does is nothing short of revolutionary – Gary Chapman author of The Five Love Languages 

Please let me know if you are blessed, by liking the post, share and comment.

Are you longing for inspiration for your life and marriage? Learning new skills and acquiring knowledge can greatly improve your relationship with your spouse. When you know better, you can do better and make a big difference in your relationship. Subscribe to updates from Abi here!

Abi Apalara loves sharing insightful information that helps couples flourish in life and their marriage relationship. I have enjoyed both good marital pleasures and challenging times in my marriage. I came to realise, the points where I missed it, were areas I lacked information on how to.

Making it up along the way, only meant I was going the wrong way. Desperately seeking to get back into marital bliss, I started exploring and reading about those areas of challenge. I also reached out to counselors and began to see what I was missing.
After a surprising move into relationship study, I have found peace of mind and happy with my marriage. I have authored the book Are you ready? Marriage expectation versus realty to share my experience and encourage men and women to work on their
marriages, by seeking knowledge and apply it to their marriage relationship.


My latest book, Are you ready? Marriage expectation versus reality focuses on discovering some of the unrealistic expectations we bring into a marriage. It comes with practical advice and a guide on how to get it right before and after getting married. You can also preorder the book here

ABI

Diamonds form under pressure; Great marriages survive marital pressures.

by with No Comment Marriage Dating Tips

I love diamonds, and I remember when I got a watch with diamonds on it, it shines and glows, especially when light falls on it. Diamonds are every girl’s dream. I would love to have a collection of them, but now I am content with the one I have. Have you ever wondered why diamonds are rare, expensive, and cherished above all other stones? It is because diamonds form under intense pressure for an extended period, and people must dig deep to find them. The rocks that withstand the tremendous pressure for a long time become the most cherished and loved item in peoples’ closets. Great and beautiful marriages result from couples who endured marital stress and chose to give it time and work on their differences to become understanding and loving spouses. Many marriages could not become beautiful because couples buckle under the stress of marital pressures.

Many marriages could not become beautiful because couples buckle under the stress of marital pressures.

 I read this quote online “the couples that are mean to be, are the ones who go through everything that’s designed to tear them apart and come out even stronger.” Yes, many marriages are meant to be because marriage is a lifetime commitment, and couples must realise they will be forged by fire. Marriage is a melting of two individuals into one, requiring removing all instances that will cause friction. The process of eliminating behaviours, ideas and thoughts that misalign is not going to be easy. It can be likened to melting two different metals to form steel. Before the steel can come out shining and strong, it will be dissolved under intense heat, cool and reheat for all the impurities to be removed. 

Great marriages don’t naturally happen; they are created by imperfect couples who refuse to give up on each other and their marriage.

Many couples jump ship once there is a bit of heat; rather than work out the issues causing troubles and misunderstanding, they want to separate, go their own way or abandon their spouse for another. Second and third marriages have a higher divorce rate because the same issue that the person was running from will face in another form with another partner. Marriage is a melting point of two souls into one, and therefore, before couples become soulmates, they will need to face testing situations. Thus, can I ask you how you are handling the marital pressure in your marriage?  Do you see the challenges you are facing as an opportunity to improve yourself and not destroy your marriage?

Many people are unprepared for challenges, and so they react with anger, violence and resignation.

Many people are unprepared for challenges, and so they react with anger, violence and resignation. There is no place for violence in marriage, and it is not the best way to overcome challenges. When you come under marital pressure, and I can tell you every marriage will face a test. What you do is to seek to understand yourself first. Why am I being irritated by my partner’s action or inaction? What can I do to make this issue resolved without losing my partner’s support? Can I empathise and put myself in my partner’s shoes so I can see or feel what they are feeling?  There are so many growth opportunities in adversity, but unfortunately, many people consider the fire and heat rather than the reason for the heat. People want great marriages but do not want to refine, purify, and become understanding, kind and loving spouses. 

People want great marriages but do not want to refine, purify, and become understanding, kind and loving spouses.

If you are considering marriage, I want to encourage you to prepare and be aware that there will be marital pressures; these pressure points are like the refining fires to help purify and make your marriage beautiful. Don’t engage in nasty fights, blaming, resentment and anger. Step back and start with yourself first. Why am I getting angry? Why do I feel humiliated?  Why do I feel disrespected? Why am I feeling unloved? Focusing on yourself and not your spouse will help you become a better version of yourself and an understanding partner. It is effortless for us to blame someone else and ask them why questions like: Why don’t they love me and respect me? Why can’t they see things the way I see them? What are they so wasteful with money?   

Are you destroying your marriage or purifying yourself to become a beautiful, valued and respected spouse?

These types of questions you cannot answer accurately, best you will guess and make up untrue stories which always leads to resentment and bitterness.

Remember diamonds, and steel is not made by skipping the pressure and fire; they are forged into beautiful, cherished and valued items because they were forged by force and fire. What will you do with the marital pressure you face in your marriage? Are you destroying your marriage or purifying yourself to become a beautiful, valued and respected spouse?

Great marriages don’t naturally happen; they are created by imperfect couples who refuse to give up on each other and their marriage.

I am a certified SYMBIS ASSESSMENT facilitator, and I would love to help you start your marriage right if you are getting married soon. If you are already married, I can also help you enrich your marriage by helping you and your partner understand how your personalities mesh. Saving Your Marriage Before IT Starts (SYMBIS) is a research-based questionnaire that couples take individually. We will generate a comprehensive report which I will help you unpack as your facilitator.

Research has shown that the couple who took the assessment reduced the divorce rate by 31%, saving one-third of couples whose marriage could have ended in divorce. Still, because they took the assessment, they were well prepared and avoided pitfalls while maximising the full potential of their relationships. 

Would you mind clicking the link below to learn more about SYMBIS and how you can take the assessment and start enjoying your marriage? Take Symbis Assessment

Over 1,000,000 couples and 100,000 pastors and counsellors cannot be wrong: SYMBIS is the most widely used pre-marital assessment in existence. SYMBIS+ is excellent for already married couples.

What SYMBIS does is nothing short of revolutionary – Gary Chapman author of The Five Love Languages 

Please let me know if you are blessed, by liking the post, share and comment.

Are you longing for inspiration for your life and marriage? Learning new skills and acquiring knowledge can greatly improve your relationship with your spouse. When you know better, you can do better and make a big difference in your relationship. Subscribe to updates from Abi here!

Abi Apalara loves sharing insightful information that helps couples flourish in life and their marriage relationship. I have enjoyed both good marital pleasures and challenging times in my marriage. I came to realise, the points where I missed it, were areas I lacked information on how to.

Making it up along the way, only meant I was going the wrong way. Desperately seeking to get back into marital bliss, I started exploring and reading about those areas of challenge. I also reached out to counselors and began to see what I was missing.
After a surprising move into relationship study, I have found peace of mind and happy with my marriage. I have authored the book Are you ready? Marriage expectation versus realty to share my experience and encourage men and women to work on their
marriages, by seeking knowledge and apply it to their marriage relationship.


My latest book, Are you ready? Marriage expectation versus reality focuses on discovering some of the unrealistic expectations we bring into a marriage. It comes with practical advice and a guide on how to get it right before and after getting married. You can also preorder the book here

the_king_advisers

The king advisers – who advises you about your marriage matters?

by with No Comment Happy Marriage

Most of us will know the story of Queen Vashti in the book of Esther, it is used to warn women of the consequences of disobedience to authority. However, there is another lesson that we can learn from this scripture. The king advisers gave the advice and reasons why King Xerxes should remove his wife. They encouraged him to break his marriage over a matter that he can forgive easily. They encouraged him to depose Queen Vashti so that fear can grip other women. Their main concern was that which stem from protecting their own interest. They had no compassion for him, and he was eventually sorrowful after the event. King Xerxes acted foolishly and he was in a state of mind that we cannot consider as sober. They had been drinking and wanted the queen to come and parade her beauty before them. No one took into consideration the dignity of the queen and the sanctity of marriage.

Who are your advisers in your marriage? 

Are they helping you to mend your marriage or are they helping you to pull it apart? Have you sat down to consider the advice people that you surround yourself with are giving you? They may say they are doing it to boost your ego, is your ego worth losing your marriage? The king’s advisers had no thought for the marriage; the woman and how she may have felt when she was called up. Nobody hesitated or advised King Xerxes to save his marriage and bear with his wife. 

The people in your circle of influence can help you destroy your marriage if you allow them. 

Choose who your advisers are wisely. 

It is a known fact that, most people pretend to be who they are not to prove a point outside of their home. 

We have seen cases of men and women who are accepting untenable situations in their marriage but pretend to be having a good marriage to mislead the naïve. 

The king acted in anger – a furious state and the advisers helped him to be even more enraged by telling him all other women will start to disobey their husbands. Do you make rash decisions when you are angry? Who do you go to when you are in despair? Where you seek advice, has a lot to do with the outcome of your marriage. 

Look around you and soberly consider some of the advice people have given you in resolving issues in your marriage. 

I have seen and heard of many cases of spouses who do everything for their partners and will run errands at their beck and call, yet they advise another person to ignore helping their spouse. “You should stop doing anything good for her, if she suffers enough, she will come round crawling and begging for your forgiveness.” Oh, the hearts of men are evil.  

I belong to many marriage groups where some of the advice that men and women offer to situations being discussed are aimed at nothing but the destruction of the marriage. 

We can see in the book of Esther that King Xerxes foolishly followed the advice of his counsellors and divorced Queen Vashti but it was an act that he later regretted. The advisers probably knew that when King Xerxes becomes sober, he will want to reconcile with his queen, they ensured that the decree was irreversible. They were quick to advise him to marry another woman. We talked about the danger that is involved whenever someone gives you their advice, or you read some words of advice, they may indeed be good advice, sometimes the intentions are wrong. 

I will implore husbands and wife to be careful who they go to for advice. Your family, friends and foes are all advisers, but you must decide and weigh the advice given to you before implementing it. 

The best place and person to go for advice first is GOD, use the word of God to decide how to act in your marriage. 

Your spouse offends you what advice has the bible on that- simple forgiveness. Your wife is acting up, the biblical advice is to love her, wash her and present her to yourself as Christ did for the church. If you are offered advice by people and you do not first pray about what they have advised, you will ruin your marriage. Many homes have been broken by advisers in the king’s court and I pray that will not be your case. 

I pray to God to give us wisdom in this area, whatever advice is given to you that will not bring you closer in your relationship to your spouse reject it. If the advice you are being given will bring harm to your spouse, reject it. If the advice you are being given will break your marriage vows, reject it. It is alarming to see how people advise husbands to go and have extramarital affairs to punish the wife, that has broken the marriage vow. It is not uncommon for advisers to advice people in their marriage to go and have children outside and so on. 

The evil and atrocities being committed against marriage are huge and we also have those who will aid and abet the spouse to destroy their marriage. 

Marriage is God’s idea, the best place to go for advice if you desire a good and loving marriage, is to look into the scriptures. Follow only godly advice that will improve your relationship and bring you and your partner closer rather than advice aimed at separating and hurting your spouse. 

Remember it is your marriage that will be destroyed, and you are the one that will regret it. King Xerxes regretted his actions in the end.

I pray that God will give husbands and wives wisdom needed to build a good and lasting marriage. 

Are you longing for inspiration for your life and marriage? Learning new skills and acquiring knowledge can greatly improve your relationship with your spouse. When you know better, you can do better and make a big difference in your relationship. Subscribe to updates from Abi here!

Abi Apalara loves sharing insightful information that helps couples flourish in life and their marriage relationship. I have enjoyed both good marital pleasures and challenging times in my marriage. I came to realise, the points where I missed it, were areas I lacked information on how to.

Making it up along the way, only meant I was going the wrong way. Desperately seeking to get back into marital bliss, I started exploring and reading about those areas of challenge. I also reached out to counsellors and began to see what I was missing.
After a surprising move into relationship study, I have found peace of mind and happy with my marriage. I have authored the book Are you ready? Marriage expectation versus realty to share my experience and encourage men and women to work on their
marriages, by seeking knowledge and apply it to their marriage relationship.


My latest book, Are you ready? Marriage expectation versus reality focuses on discovering some of the unrealistic expectations we bring into a marriage. It comes with practical advice and a guide on how to get it right before and after getting married. You can also preorder the book here

maturity_in_marriage

Maturity is needed to build a successful and happy marriage

by with No Comment Happy Marriage

Are you wondering why you are having difficulty managing your relationships? 

Being mature is one of the requirements of a person who is going to have a successful relationship especially in a marriage relationship. Maturity is defined in the dictionary as the quality of behaving mentally and emotionally like an adult. 

A mature person is someone who has grown to 18years of age and above. As an adult they ought to have grown and developed, mentally, emotionally, and able to behave responsibly. Some people grow in age but refuse to mature emotionally and mentally and continue to behave in an immature way. 

Immaturity is behaviour that does not show wisdom, emotional and mental development. 

This quote by Eleanor Roosevelt captures the essence of a mature mind. 

 A mature person is one who does not think only in absolutes, who can be objective even when deeply stirred emotionally, who has learned that there is both good and bad in all people and all things, and who walks humbly and deals charitably.

By Eleanor Roosevelt

In marriage, you and your spouse need to be matured in age, emotionally, and mentally. Sometimes people can advance in age but not mature. Some older men and women increase in age but not mature in other areas. They remain immature at an emotional and mental level. 

Immature people are hardened by life trials and struggles, they tend to succumb with self-pity, they have no idea how to manage relationships especially conflicts and therefore they are stressed, confused, and may become insecure.

Below are three indicators of maturity, there are many more, but I believe if you can master these three, you are on your way to maturing and becoming sweet like an old wine.  

Responsibility 

At age 18 years a person is now an adult, responsible and accountable for their actions. 

A mature person will take responsibility for any circumstance they find themselves; they own their failure and success and would not blame other people for the outcomes. A mature spouse will take responsibility bestowed upon them in their marriage. If as a spouse, you are still blaming your other half for your failures, lack of progress, inactions, and so on, then you need to work on becoming mature in this area. I used to blame my husband for some of the choices I made in my career path and greatly resented him for the outcome of my choice.

It was not until I owned my failures and accepted, I made those choices by myself due to my convictions. Therefore, as a matured mind, I cannot blame him, I had to pick up myself and develop my career. This time I was aware of my choices and my decisions were based on the outcome I wanted. This helped me to become free from any bitterness and able to relate to him as a loving wife. You have to be objective and do not allow emotions to cloud your judgment when making decisions or accepting decisions made for you in your marriage. Once you accept it, please be ready to own it. It is your responsibility to accept or reject any actions you may or may not like. When you learn to own and take responsibility for your actions, you are less likely to blame and criticise your partner. You are less likely to feel they have cheated you or wrecked you. When you become mature in your marriage relationship, your behavior is down to you and you only.

It is an immature and irresponsible partner that will leave what they ought to do and not do it and then blame their partner for that decision. This is where the trouble starts in a marriage, one partner will behave badly and then blame that action on the other spouse because they made them do it. No that is wrong, your actions are solely your responsibility. The bible says to him who knows how to do good and do it not, it will be counted as a sin. To be matured in marriage is to own your actions, your failures, take responsibility for any circumstance you find yourself.

The good news is you can change yourself; you can decide to grow, and you can make better choices. It is never too late to mature.

Growth Oriented

Maturity does not come naturally as we grow in age, yes physical maturity is happening, but the body is being fed and nurtured in other to grow fully and healthy. If a child is starved of the basic nutrition needed for proper growth, they will become deficient in some areas and end up with stunted growth. There is the need to feed your mind with the knowledge and skills needed to navigate issues of life, in other to become matured emotionally and mentally. Many people have not developed their minds or mental capacity to become matured in this area.

Reading books, learning how to act responsibly, and becoming emotionally intelligent are ways of becoming mature in these areas. However immature people do not want to learn, or they learn and will not apply what they have leaned due to one reason or the other. Sometimes some people because they have grown in age assume, they are mature automatically. Marriage needs people who are emotionally and mentally matured to create a good home. There are going to be many issues and hurdles to cross in marriage, even two best friends, best-matched couples will have to face this challenge.

The difference between a thriving or struggling marriage is directly related to their emotional maturity level. Where one spouse is immature, couples would not be able to resolve differences and conflicts successfully. Unresolved issues will lead to resentment, bitterness violence, and so on. Are you learning how to become a better version of yourself? If you are having issues in your marriage, I will recommend you take a look at yourself and see how you can improve your emotional maturity. If you are still looking at your partner as the problem and wished you could change him, please work on yourself first. Start by reading and investing in your personal development. I am more aware of actions and triggers that affect me emotionally and have since developed and become emotionally intelligent. This has helped me to manage my own emotions and has taken control of how I respond to actions that previously would have set me alight.

I encourage you to develop yourself by seeking to learn and develop yourself not just for marriage relationships, it will impact every other relationship in your life. 

Available and open-minded

A mature person is an open-minded individual, who sees things from a different perspective and can allow other people’s opinions without getting hurt or defensive. They are open to interruptions and are accessible. An immature person is unable to communicate effectively, they will rather go an shut themselves in a room, and wait on their partner to beg them to explain what is wrong with them. Maturity means you value other people’s opinions, able to ask for feedback and receive constructive feedback to develop any identified areas of weakness. Maturity helps people to manage their ego, it reduces the chances of developing a sense of entitlement which can lead to an over-inflated ego.

Matured spouses in a marriage can work with their other half to solve issues, reach mutual agreement on how they want to do marriage, and make allowance for each other’s faults. To build a happy and successful marriage, it requires you as a spouse to be humble, let your partner know your weakness, and make up for that blind spot in your life. Being humble will make you as a spouse to accept you made a mistake, correct the mistake, and make amend. Matured spouses will not be concerned about who is right, they will be more concerned about what is right and the preservation of the relationship. Maturity in marriage demands a new you, a new way of setting priorities. For example, as a single lady, I could go anywhere I like at any time without the need to consider my actions on other people.

When I became married, I realised I cannot go anywhere I like, without informing my husband and be back at a reasonable time. Letting my partner know where I am going is not for monitoring purposes, but the consequences of not doing so will impact him and our children. Maturity demands that I am conscious, disciplined, and determine to change my attitude to reporting where I would be and when I would be back home. As a mother, I needed to grow to a new level of maturity and that is why maturity is continuous learning and re-learning of new principles. Be present and make time for what matters in your marriage, a partner that does not get his or her priorities right in marriage will come across as immature. If you are needed to take your child to school and you have a work commitment, as a matured father, your priority is your child, to do otherwise is to show you are not available to be a father. How too often have we seen absent fathers and mothers in families, this leads to trouble and breakdown of the marriage relationship. If you have not matured in this area, please work on it and develop a growth mindset. Some 50-year-old men and women have the intelligence and maturity of 20-year olds. Age alone does not show maturity. 

The challenge is we want other people to change but the real challenge is to change yourself.

Marriage demand a new and matured you!