abi_daily(210)

5 Soft Skills & Behaviours That Make You The Best Spouse Ever.

by with No Comment Abi's SeriesHappy Marriage

Recently I have written about having soft skills in marriage and why it is essential that as a spouse, we do skills audits and check that we have and are developing the right sets of skills that will help us to be the best spouse ever. Many married partner dreams and yearn to be called the “best husband or best wife ever”, but they are not doing the things that will present them as such a person. Some behaviours qualify us as the best and excellent, yet so many people have behaviours and characters that show them as short of being the best.

Many married partner dreams and yearn to be called the “best husband or best wife ever”

Everybody will call a kind, gracious and loving spouse the best, but a mean, angry and unkind soul wants or desires to be liked and celebrated, yet the fragrance around them repels their partner. They become more irritable and farther away from what they desire. I can assure you that every spouse can be the best as long as we are keen to have and work on giving each other the best of each other. A behaviour change comes with acknowledging and looking at oneself first. If it was an easy task, I know many people would be the best husband or wife today; it is easier to spot the flaws in others than to see ourselves and own up to our shortcomings. 

It is easier to spot the flaws in others than to see ourselves and own up to our shortcomings

Many people who quickly see other people’s weaknesses are full of deficiencies that they often project unto others. They assess and judge other people through their broken lens hence their inability to look past their mistakes and be gracious to them. God word reveals His attributes in Exodus 34: 6-7 Compassion, Grace, Patience – (slow to anger), Loyal love and Faithfulness.

These are good behaviours that an admirable spouse will possess, develop and continue to nurture to become the best version of themselves and, out of that abundance in them, will overflow unto others. 

Let us take a mirror and look at ourselves in the following five questions if we can.

Compassion: Are you a compassionate spouse?

Gracious: Are you generous in how you deal with your partner?

Patience: (slow to anger) – Are you an angry spouse or a patient spouse?

Loyal love: Are you loving simply when things are good and going your way or loving for better for worse as you vowed?

Faithfulness: Are you steady, committed and faithful to your spouse?

A pure self-reflection of our behaviours as a stand-alone and the desire to be a better person will allow you and me to answer the above questions truthfully and commit to making changes. 

Not for your spouse’s sake but for yourself, and as you begin to renew your mind, you will emerge a better person and soon reflect on others around you as a better husband, wife, parent, friend, etc.

Good marriages don’t fall from heaven, they are heaven made on earth.

Are you longing for inspiration for your life and marriage? Learning new skills and acquiring knowledge can greatly improve your relationship with your spouse. When you know better, you can do better and make a big difference in your relationship. Subscribe to updates from Abi here!

Abi Apalara loves sharing insightful information that helps couples flourish in life and their marriage relationship. I have enjoyed both good marital pleasures and challenging times in my marriage. I came to realise, the points where I missed it, were areas I lacked information on how to.

Making it up along the way, only meant I was going the wrong way. Desperately seeking to get back into marital bliss, I started exploring and reading about those areas of challenge. I also reached out to counselors and began to see what I was missing.
After a surprising move into relationship study, I have found peace of mind and happy with my marriage. I have authored the book Are you ready? Marriage expectation versus realty to share my experience and encourage men and women to work on their
marriages, by seeking knowledge and apply it to their marriage relationship.


My latest book, Are you ready? Marriage expectation versus reality focuses on discovering some of the unrealistic expectations we bring into a marriage. It comes with practical advice and a guide on how to get it right before and after getting married. You can also preorder the book here

abi_daily(189)

How Bonded is your Holy Marriage

by with No Comment Happy Marriage

A godly marriage is a holy bond between the couples and God as a witness. Christian marriages are a Holy Bond, and that does not disqualify or minimise other marriages. However, if you’ve asked God to be a witness between you and your spouse, you have entered a covenant of marriage as a holy bond. Why is that so, you may want to ask? Our God is holy; hence this principle will not apply to all marriages but to those who entered a sacred marriage. 

A godly marriage is a holy bond between the couples and God as a witness.

Many marriages are not as strong as God intended them to be; some couples have loosened their marital bond by emotional, physical and mental separation. Some people wonder why God has not answered their prayers even though they want a happy marriage but find themselves struggling. The reason is in God’s word, the Holy Bible: Ecclesiastes 4:12 – One standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer; three is even better, for a triple-braided cord is not quickly broken (TLB). Couples who invite and honour God in their marriage form a threefold cord that is not quickly broken. 

Couples who invite and honour God in their marriage form a threefold cord that is not quickly broken. 

God has given us all that pertains to life and Godliness in His Word; without leaving and cleaving, husband and wife are in danger of the inability to bond and weave into each other. Also, without fear, reverence, and honour of God in a marriage, couples leave room for the God strand to go loose in their marriage. Holy matrimony is a sacred bond between a husband and his wife with God as a witness, and the third cord is needed to make this bond strong. 

When spouses do not get this foundation right, they begin to loosen the bond in their marriage: the first step can be subtle, such as refusing to follow God’s law about marriage, lack of joint fellowship such as praying together, fasting, and serving God together. It is vital and critical that couples guard their relationship with God together intentionally. The enemy cannot penetrate efficiently couples who are alert and have made God their fortress. 

The enemy cannot penetrate efficiently couples who are alert and have made God their fortress.

The laws of marriage are simple yet easily ignored by many couples. One of the laws of marriage is – Husband loves your wife as Christ loved the church. When a husband decides to love his wife as Christ loved the church, no measure of sin is unforgivable. 

When a woman obeys the laws of Marriage as God required: to submit to her husband, it will not be a complicated matter to serve and honour her husband, and abuse will not occur when both partners fear the Lord. All we need for a holy marriage is simple and easy, but like salvation, many ignore it and find themselves outside of God’s will. 

A holy marriage honours God and will not be easily broken. 

We must therefore keep in mind the three strands of a strong, Godly and happy marriage are: 

1. A guarded relationship with God together as a couple. We must never allow separation of our union with God first and foremost. 

2. A resolution by both spouses to obey Gods law of love and submission is not a matter of chicken and egg but a request of both partners to obey God.

3. A firm commitment to leave and cleave to each other and God; this ensures the threefold cord is maintained and remain bonded and stronger. 

We must remember the enemy’s trick is to initiate division subtly first; once you allow him a foot in, he will create a gorge before you know it. Even in intense moments of fellowship, as some refer to the ever-present married couple arguments, make sure you do not allow separation of any form. A holy marriage honours God and will not be easily broken. 

How closely knit are you, your spouse and your God? 

Good marriages don’t fall from heaven; they are heaven made on earth.

Please let me know in the comment if you are blessed.

blog(2)

7 things you can do together as a couple to strengthen your bond and friendship in a marriage.

by with No Comment Abi's Series

Marriage is a journey, and it requires effort, actions, and intentionality to make it work and beautiful. Many couples started their marriage with little or no knowledge that it requires active servicing. Many partners believed a wrong notion that once they marry their partner, life and marriage will just happen flawlessly. No, some principles and practices make a marriage work. It is just like buying a new car and you put it on the road, no servicing and maintenance, continuous refuelling and then expect that car to take you around forever.

What will happen to such a vehicle is a constant breakdown and eventually it will pack up and be grounded leaving the owner frustrated. However, the problem was not the car but lack of maintenance on the part of the owner. This is the situation of many homes and marriages. Couples have failed to care and nurture their love and marriage. Once the couple say I do, some partners resign and fail to court each other’s favour, yet expect the same spark and enthusiasm with which they started their marriage to blossom. Every garden is cultivated and nurtured to bring pleasantness and wonderful fragrance. Any abandoned garden will be taken over by weeds and thorns.

Do not leave your marriage garden unattended. I urge you as husbands and wives to nurture your marriage, be intentional and make your marriage an active one.

“Coming together is a beginning; keeping together is progress; working together is success.” – Henry Ford

Suggested Read: 5 ways to solve problems in your marriage

Doing things together as a couple can greatly enhance your marriage. Unfortunately, many couples work individually, thereby creating gaps or giving room for them to bond with someone else instead of their spouse. It can become very difficult for husband and wife to spend quality time together once married and even more difficult when children are involved. This can lead to physical separation and opportunity to reconnect after a while can be lost, if they are not deliberate.

How many times have we seen couples divorced because they are no longer interested in each other after their children have left home? It is because they have neglected each other while raising the children. You and I need to be conscious of this in our marriage. Matters like this have denied many partners the benefit of enjoying the old wine in their later years.

Below are seven things you can do together as a couple to strengthen your bond and friendship.

Go on holidays just the two of you 

You do not have to travel out of your country, take a weekend retreat to a local resort in your country and if you are blessed, please explore the world with your spouse. Make it yearly or twice in a year to spend quality time with your spouse. I greatly cherish it a lot when I get to spend quality time with my husband. The memories last a lifetime.

Do your exercise and take walks together 

Yes, I understand there are hustle and bustle daily, however you can and must create time for these seemingly little and mundane things. These were some of the ideas our parents did not count as important and we should not make those mistakes. There is more to life and marriage than sleeping, eating, working and back to sleep. Enjoy yourselves, there is no marriage in heaven and there is no part 2 either, once you start your marriage, that is it. Some of the marriages that are successful around me, especially here in England, the couples are so fond of each other, when you see the husband, you certainly know the wife must be very closeby, they are doing things together.

Watch movies and go to the cinema together

Sometimes some men can be guilty in this area, they do these activities with their friends rather than their spouse. They are making a great mistake of building friendship other the most important friendship they ought to build. The highest form of friendship should be you and your spouse, however, too often we think it will just grow. No, it is not automatic please correct this, if you are spending more time and resources on your other friends. Invest in your marital friendship first.

Follow a sport that interest your husband or wife.

My husband loves American football, he supports the Redskin and I decided to support the Baltimore Ravens. we have bantered over which team would win. When he used to watch it, I had no idea what a fumble was or touch down, soon after taking an interest in the game, I began to understand and enjoy it. Often, I hear myself shouting jargons of the game like sack and jump up when it’s a touchdown for my team. We look forward to the NFL coming to England and have attended events together. I loved watching wrestling; we both watch that together too. These activities ensure there are more things to talk about other than money or expenses or children and it brings spice to your marriage. My next goal is to get us to attend super bowl in America should Baltimore be in the final. We have something we are looking forward to, and how interesting it would be if Redskins are playing Baltimore Ravens.

Have a pet project

Take up a business venture jointly if you can, or support a charitable organisation. If you have a cause that is dear to your hearts, it is very likely going to keep you two working together to fulfil that cause. I would love to set up a charity that provides education for orphans in the future. I have friends who are involved in projects such as raising money to help those who cannot afford hospital bills. Those raising funds to provide bursaries for brilliant children to attend good schools etc. These good causes that are greater than ones immediate family need and can make husbands and wives pull together for a greater good.  

Fulfil destiny together 

This will allow you to spend quality time together, share your dreams and vision with your spouse. If your partner is studying a course or getting a skill, input and be involved. Even if you do not have expertise in that area, be interested and be able to talk about your husbands’ job or your wife’s career. My husband works in the IT industry and I have no clue about that previously, but now we can talk about the latest banking software and which company is using Globus or not. When is go live? Go or no go etc. It can be fun and shows you care enough to know about their work.

Eat together 

Have family dinner night or special dinners on Friday evening or Sunday afternoon. On your wedding day, you fed your spouse in front of everyone. When last have you put a piece of food in your partner’s mouth? Husbands on your wedding day, you put that cake in your mouth and then put it in your wife’s mouth and sealed it with a kiss. Why must that stop once you get married? Whatever you were doing that endeared your wife or husband to you, why stop it? You ought to do more of what is working. If you want a different result, you must be willing to do something different.

A couple that prays and plays together stays together. 

When you do things together you will be fanning that flame of love you kindled and never allow it to cool.

May your marriage be filled with God’s blessings always.

Are you longing for inspiration for your life and marriage? Learning new skills and acquiring knowledge can greatly improve your relationship with your spouse. When you know better, you can do better and make a big difference in your relationship. Subscribe to updates from Abi here!

Abi Apalara loves sharing insightful information that helps couples flourish in life and their marriage relationship. I have enjoyed both good marital pleasures and challenging times in my marriage. I came to realise, the points where I missed it, were areas I lacked information on how to.

Making it up along the way, only meant I was going the wrong way. Desperately seeking to get back into marital bliss, I started exploring and reading about those areas of challenge. I also reached out to counselors and began to see what I was missing.
After a surprising move into relationship study, I have found peace of mind and happy with my marriage. I have authored the book Are you ready? Marriage expectation versus realty to share my experience and encourage men and women to work on their
marriages, by seeking knowledge and apply it to their marriage relationship.


My latest book, Are you ready? Marriage expectation versus reality focuses on discovering some of the unrealistic expectations we bring into a marriage. It comes with practical advice and a guide on how to get it right before and after getting married. You can also preorder the book here