Marriage is a word that we often use yet misconstrued so easily. The meaning of the word marriage gives us the idea that God had in mind when He started the institution of marriage. Marriage is a commitment to love, live and give ourselves to our spouse forever. It is a lasting commitment to love and accept our partner unconditionally. However, most people are yet to attain this level of love in many marriages, especially in troubled relationships. One partner may be withholding love because they do not feel respected. Another spouse may begin to abuse the other in other to control and reign or dominate the relationship. These are signs that the marriage is unhealthy and an apparent deviation from what God intended. We are not promised to find someone who will be a perfect match and meet all our needs.
We are not promised to find someone who will be a perfect match and meet all our needs.
The opposite attracts because a spouse complements and does not supplement. Therefore, couples need to understand that there is work to be done, fights will happen, there will be arguments, but the difference and response should be we are a team and committed to one goal – our marriage. In any marriage where the couples focus only on themselves and forget that the marriage is more significant than each person in it, they tend to lose focus when trouble arises. Rather than attack the issue that is threatening the marriage, they turn to each other and shoot themselves. A house divided against itself cannot stand. As couples in a marriage relationship, we must give high regard to the covenant of marriage. It is like being on a team, team members fight, argue, and disagree, but there is absolutely no doubt they will work together to win as a team. Can I take you on a mental journey for a moment?
As couples in a marriage relationship, we must give high regard to the covenant of marriage.
Let us imagine a doubles tennis game where partners face another partner but because one of the pair has arguments or issues to resolve with the other partner, refuses to serve or return a serve. That is a blatant error and misjudgement because not only is this person jeopardising their chances of winning, but they are also indeed destroying their tennis career and opportunity. In sports, teammates are coached and mentored to make the team effort count, so it is difficult for us to see the picture I just painted. No matter the discord and disunity within a team, they always pull together to ensure the team wins. A win for the group is a win for everyone. Even if it occurred due to one person’s error, a loss for the team is a loss for the team. That is why I am keen to implore husbands and wives to see themselves as a team.
Even if it occurred due to one person’s error, a loss for the team is a loss for the team.
In a marriage union, the team bond is even more robust due to many shared activities that may not naturally exist in sporting teams or other team forms. Team working does not naturally develop, and that is why coaching, mentoring, and team-building activities are a priority for any high performing and successful team. We are a human being and to err is human. We will not all agree on an issue; we have different personalities and abilities but can recognise and accept our teammates as equals; recognise every team member has a gift. We recognise that without that member’s unique contribution, the team is incomplete. Teamworking is what successful couples and some marriages have found and embraced. Would you begin to look at your spouse as a team member? Would you be willing to work as a team in your marriage?
Would you begin to look at your spouse as a team member?
A team leader’s goal and objective are developing a high performing team and ensuring the unit is healthy, happy, and balanced. As the head of marriage, husbands are like team leaders; they coach, mentor, and see that the marriage is fit. The team leader listens, correct, and build the team. It is a shame that many heads of homes and unions only desire the respect, benefits and honour that comes with being ahead. Yet, they are unaware positional titles without work soon fizzle out.
Sadly, to continue honouring a negligent team leader who is destructive, arrogant, prideful, and unsupportive will be unsustainable. Women’s role is to support the leader in the marriage, receive instructions and clear guidance while ensuring they play their part in making sure the marriage team, including the children, are healthy. Many women are waiting for instructions, leadership, and clarity of purpose. Unfortunately, in many marriages, there is no clear leadership. Many women would go-ahead to take matters into their hand and take decisions to move forward. When this happens, it is perceived as usurping authority, disrespectful and insubordination.
Many women would go-ahead to take matters into their hand and take decisions to move forward.
These are some of the areas in a marriage that causes friction, resent and spiralling of minor misunderstandings into a giant unresolvable snowball. It has been known that some women rebel against authority, however coaching, good leadership influence and will win the adoration of followers eventually.
Why don’t we all do something different today, approach our marriage as teamwork, see ourselves, our spouse and even children as team members of our family? Take the Lead as a team leader, not dictatorial, listen to your team and build a healthy team where every member is valued and observe your appreciation and respect increase rapidly. Our marriages and good homes bring joy to us and give glory to God. Let us learn and sacrifice to enjoy it and give God glory.
Good marriages don’t fall from heaven; they are heaven made on earth.
Please let me know in the comment if you are blessed.
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Abi Apalara loves sharing insightful information that helps couples flourish in life and their marriage relationship. I have enjoyed both good marital pleasures and challenging times in my marriage. I came to realise, the points where I missed it, were areas I lacked information on how to.
Making it up along the way, only meant I was going the wrong way. Desperately seeking to get back into marital bliss, I started exploring and reading about those areas of challenge. I also reached out to counselors and began to see what I was missing.
After a surprising move into relationship study, I have found peace of mind and happy with my marriage. I have authored the book Are you ready? Marriage expectation versus realty to share my experience and encourage men and women to work on their
marriages, by seeking knowledge and apply it to their marriage relationship.
My latest book, Are you ready? Marriage expectation versus reality focuses on discovering some of the unrealistic expectations we bring into a marriage. It comes with practical advice and a guide on how to get it right before and after getting married. You can also preorder the book here
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