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The heart of the matter is a matter of your heart in marriage

On February 14, we celebrate Valentine’s day all over the world. It is the day we have set aside to celebrate love and lovers. We know that the heart is the symbol of love, and on valentine day, lots of heart-shaped gifts such as heart chocolate, heart cakes, lots of confetti and gifts exchanged. This last valentine day, our daughter made a beautiful heart-shaped cake decorated with lots of heart-shaped sugar. I was researching the heart and seeing all the valentine day adverts splashed with hearts, I decided to look at our hearts and how it relates to love and marriage.

I enjoy watching films in a foreign language, and somehow, I have mastered and enjoyed the film subtitles. The part which shows the innermost thoughts are written in another form to reveal the real idea inside the actor’s heart, although they may choose to say the opposite of what is in their mind. Plots and plans reveal our hearts, and they are known to us only. The individual heart is deep and concealed from everyone else except the Lord, who can search our hearts. 

The individual heart is deep and concealed from everyone else except the Lord, who can search our hearts.

God sees your heart and mine, and He knows our motives. Because the heart is deep, we can say what we mean and say what we do not represent, and we can deceive people. 

Some husbands deceive their wives, just as some wives deceive their husbands, but you know what is in the heart can never be truly hidden. We may hide with smooth words; however, it shows up in many ways than you and I can see or believe.  

That is why we must pay attention to and guard our hearts. Solomon, in proverbs, wrote- “Smooth words may hide a wicked heart, just as a pretty glaze covers a clay pot. People may cover their hatred with pleasant words, but they’re deceiving you. They pretend to be kind but don’t believe them. Their hearts are full of many evils. While their hatred may be concealed by trickery, their wrongdoing will be exposed in public. If you set a trap for others, you will get caught in it yourself. If you roll a boulder down on others, it will crush you instead. A lying tongue hates its victims, and flattering words cause ruin.” Proverbs 26:23-28 NNLT 

People may cover their hatred with pleasant words, but they’re deceiving you.

We can deceive ourselves and other people, but we can never fool God, who sees our innermost part. What is the condition of your heart? Maybe the matter you are struggling with now is a matter of your heart. Is your heart pure? Cleanse my heart, oh Lord, search my heart, the psalmist cried. 

The bondages, negative mindset and strongholds are matters of the heart. No one can see your heart, but God sees your heart. Do not attempt to understand or gain insight into another person’s heart because it is deep, and you may be deceived. Just be concerned about your own heart. I encourage you to search your heart, ask God to search and cleanse your soul. Only then can you be pure and changed. I remember the times that my heart was not healthy; I cried to the Lord to help me get rid of bitterness and anger. He heard me, and I can tell you it works wonder when your heart is light. 

We can deceive ourselves and other people, but we can never fool God, who sees our innermost part.

Did you celebrate Valentine day this year? Whether you did or not, would you give your heart to Jesus? Would you desire to have a clean heart? Would you provide the best heart gift to your loved ones? A gift of a pure, clean and healthy heart is the best gift you can give your spouse. When your heart is right, your life and marriage will reflect it. 

Would you be a man or woman with a fair and pure heart? Only you can know your heart.

Below are some bible verses I would encourage you to meditate on: 

Keep your heart with all diligence, for out of it spring the issues of life. Proverbs 4:23

The heart is deceitful above all things and desperately wicked; Who can know it?

 I, the Lord, search the heart, I test the mind, even to give every man according to his ways, According to the fruit of his doings. Jeremiah 17:9-10

Do not let your adornment be merely outward—arranging the hair, wearing gold, or putting on fine apparel— instead, let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God. 1 Peter 3:3-4

Jesus said to him, ‘You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind.’ Matthew 22:37

But the Lord said to Samuel, “Do not look at his appearance or at his physical stature because I have refused him. For the Lord does not see as man sees; for man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.”

1 Samuel 16:7

Let not mercy and truth forsake you; Bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart, and so find favour and high esteem In the sight of God and man. Proverbs 3:3-4

Remember, the heart of any matter in your marriage is a matter of the heart. If what you are experiencing is bliss, keep working on your heart, and it is the opposite; check your heart and amend. I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit within you; I will take the heart of stone out of your flesh and give you a heart of flesh. Ezekiel 36:26

Please let me know in the comment if you are blessed.

Are you longing for inspiration for your life and marriage? Learning new skills and acquiring knowledge can greatly improve your relationship with your spouse. When you know better, you can do better and make a big difference in your relationship. Subscribe to updates from Abi here!

Abi Apalara loves sharing insightful information that helps couples flourish in life and their marriage relationship. I have enjoyed both good marital pleasures and challenging times in my marriage. I came to realise, the points where I missed it, were areas I lacked information on how to.

Making it up along the way, only meant I was going the wrong way. Desperately seeking to get back into marital bliss, I started exploring and reading about those areas of challenge. I also reached out to counselors and began to see what I was missing.
After a surprising move into relationship study, I have found peace of mind and happy with my marriage. I have authored the book Are you ready? Marriage expectation versus realty to share my experience and encourage men and women to work on their
marriages, by seeking knowledge and apply it to their marriage relationship.


My latest book, Are you ready? Marriage expectation versus reality focuses on discovering some of the unrealistic expectations we bring into a marriage. It comes with practical advice and a guide on how to get it right before and after getting married. You can also preorder the book here

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