I love the purple colour, and if I were living in fairy-tale land, I would probably live in a purple-coloured house, and all my clothes and accessories would have a hint of purple. It is a colour that makes me happy, yet I have met people who cannot withstand excessive purple. What makes me happy is different and will always be different from what makes you happy. Some people are so glad when others are happy, and others are so glad when others are sad. However, that’s edging towards a dark personality. The happiness index varies from place to place and people to people.
What makes me happy is different and will always be different from what makes you happy.
So, when two people come together in marriage, and one person is waiting on the other person to make them feel happy, it is a recipe for disappointment, especially if they cannot articulate what makes them happy. I have noticed that happy people are happy no matter what may be going on around them. Their source of joy and happiness is found deep within their core. Some people who rely on external or environmental factors to feel happy are often hollow on the inside, so they have no substance to withstand any negative perception from the outside.
Please permit yourself to be happy; your happiness is found deep within you.
Would you check the source of your happiness and joy today? Are you relying on other people, your spouse or things to make you feel good? You alone are responsible for your happiness level, and it is out of the abundance of joy you have in you that you can spill over to others. Hence, if you are spewing lava like a volcano, lava does not come from an external source; the lava is coming from the deep belly of the volcano. It is not comfortable for us to always look within and take responsibility for how we feel. Please permit yourself to be happy; your happiness is found deep within you. No external factor can diminish your joy if you do not allow negativity or evil thoughts to get inside of you.
It is not comfortable for us to always look within and take responsibility for how we feel.
Nelson Mandela is a perfect example of a person who knows their intrinsic value; even though he was tortured, humiliated, and imprisoned, it never got to his core. He was so sure of who he was that he was unable to resent his prisoners even after his release. There is no room in his heart for negativity or hatred. He was completely full of joy and positivity that it drowned out any external negative influence. So why am I sharing this to you as a married spouse or soon to be?
What you carry inside you is what you will spew out when a force or pressure is placed on you.
What you carry inside you is what you will spew out when a force or pressure is placed on you. Resist and do not be tempted to focus on external pressure in your marriage; it will happen and how you respond reveals your inner beauty or not so beautiful part of you. I want you to focus on filling your heart with goodness, sweetness, and grace so that when you are under pressure, instead of buckling and spewing out rubbish, you will be dripping with dignity and honour.
I am very sorry if I have bust your bubble that marriage will make you happy. My wife or husband will make me happy on the inside because of the way they treat me. Oh no, you may be setting yourself up for a big disappointment. Marriage expectation is different from reality only if your expectation was not balanced about marriage in the first instance.
I hope you can begin to look at the content of your core being and your reactions to external forces; how matching are they now?
Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it. Proverbs 4:23
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Abi Apalara loves sharing insightful information that helps couples flourish in life and their marriage relationship. I have enjoyed both good marital pleasures and challenging times in my marriage. I came to realise, the points where I missed it, were areas I lacked information on how to.
Making it up along the way, only meant I was going the wrong way. Desperately seeking to get back into marital bliss, I started exploring and reading about those areas of challenge. I also reached out to counselors and began to see what I was missing.
After a surprising move into relationship study, I have found peace of mind and happy with my marriage. I have authored the book Are you ready? Marriage expectation versus realty to share my experience and encourage men and women to work on their
marriages, by seeking knowledge and apply it to their marriage relationship.
My latest book, Are you ready? Marriage expectation versus reality focuses on discovering some of the unrealistic expectations we bring into a marriage. It comes with practical advice and a guide on how to get it right before and after getting married. You can also preorder the book here