I love diamonds, and I remember when I got a watch with diamonds on it, it shines and glows, especially when light falls on it. Diamonds are every girl’s dream. I would love to have a collection of them, but now I am content with the one I have. Have you ever wondered why diamonds are rare, expensive, and cherished above all other stones? It is because diamonds form under intense pressure for an extended period, and people must dig deep to find them. The rocks that withstand the tremendous pressure for a long time become the most cherished and loved item in peoples’ closets. Great and beautiful marriages result from couples who endured marital stress and chose to give it time and work on their differences to become understanding and loving spouses. Many marriages could not become beautiful because couples buckle under the stress of marital pressures.
Many marriages could not become beautiful because couples buckle under the stress of marital pressures.
I read this quote online “the couples that are mean to be, are the ones who go through everything that’s designed to tear them apart and come out even stronger.” Yes, many marriages are meant to be because marriage is a lifetime commitment, and couples must realise they will be forged by fire. Marriage is a melting of two individuals into one, requiring removing all instances that will cause friction. The process of eliminating behaviours, ideas and thoughts that misalign is not going to be easy. It can be likened to melting two different metals to form steel. Before the steel can come out shining and strong, it will be dissolved under intense heat, cool and reheat for all the impurities to be removed.
Great marriages don’t naturally happen; they are created by imperfect couples who refuse to give up on each other and their marriage.
Many couples jump ship once there is a bit of heat; rather than work out the issues causing troubles and misunderstanding, they want to separate, go their own way or abandon their spouse for another. Second and third marriages have a higher divorce rate because the same issue that the person was running from will face in another form with another partner. Marriage is a melting point of two souls into one, and therefore, before couples become soulmates, they will need to face testing situations. Thus, can I ask you how you are handling the marital pressure in your marriage? Do you see the challenges you are facing as an opportunity to improve yourself and not destroy your marriage?
Many people are unprepared for challenges, and so they react with anger, violence and resignation.
Many people are unprepared for challenges, and so they react with anger, violence and resignation. There is no place for violence in marriage, and it is not the best way to overcome challenges. When you come under marital pressure, and I can tell you every marriage will face a test. What you do is to seek to understand yourself first. Why am I being irritated by my partner’s action or inaction? What can I do to make this issue resolved without losing my partner’s support? Can I empathise and put myself in my partner’s shoes so I can see or feel what they are feeling? There are so many growth opportunities in adversity, but unfortunately, many people consider the fire and heat rather than the reason for the heat. People want great marriages but do not want to refine, purify, and become understanding, kind and loving spouses.
People want great marriages but do not want to refine, purify, and become understanding, kind and loving spouses.
If you are considering marriage, I want to encourage you to prepare and be aware that there will be marital pressures; these pressure points are like the refining fires to help purify and make your marriage beautiful. Don’t engage in nasty fights, blaming, resentment and anger. Step back and start with yourself first. Why am I getting angry? Why do I feel humiliated? Why do I feel disrespected? Why am I feeling unloved? Focusing on yourself and not your spouse will help you become a better version of yourself and an understanding partner. It is effortless for us to blame someone else and ask them why questions like: Why don’t they love me and respect me? Why can’t they see things the way I see them? What are they so wasteful with money?
Are you destroying your marriage or purifying yourself to become a beautiful, valued and respected spouse?
These types of questions you cannot answer accurately, best you will guess and make up untrue stories which always leads to resentment and bitterness.
Remember diamonds, and steel is not made by skipping the pressure and fire; they are forged into beautiful, cherished and valued items because they were forged by force and fire. What will you do with the marital pressure you face in your marriage? Are you destroying your marriage or purifying yourself to become a beautiful, valued and respected spouse?
Great marriages don’t naturally happen; they are created by imperfect couples who refuse to give up on each other and their marriage.
I am a certified SYMBIS ASSESSMENT facilitator, and I would love to help you start your marriage right if you are getting married soon. If you are already married, I can also help you enrich your marriage by helping you and your partner understand how your personalities mesh. Saving Your Marriage Before IT Starts (SYMBIS) is a research-based questionnaire that couples take individually. We will generate a comprehensive report which I will help you unpack as your facilitator.
Research has shown that the couple who took the assessment reduced the divorce rate by 31%, saving one-third of couples whose marriage could have ended in divorce. Still, because they took the assessment, they were well prepared and avoided pitfalls while maximising the full potential of their relationships.
Would you mind clicking the link below to learn more about SYMBIS and how you can take the assessment and start enjoying your marriage? Take Symbis Assessment
Over 1,000,000 couples and 100,000 pastors and counsellors cannot be wrong: SYMBIS is the most widely used pre-marital assessment in existence. SYMBIS+ is excellent for already married couples.
What SYMBIS does is nothing short of revolutionary – Gary Chapman author of The Five Love Languages
Please let me know if you are blessed, by liking the post, share and comment.
Are you longing for inspiration for your life and marriage? Learning new skills and acquiring knowledge can greatly improve your relationship with your spouse. When you know better, you can do better and make a big difference in your relationship. Subscribe to updates from Abi here!
Abi Apalara loves sharing insightful information that helps couples flourish in life and their marriage relationship. I have enjoyed both good marital pleasures and challenging times in my marriage. I came to realise, the points where I missed it, were areas I lacked information on how to.
Making it up along the way, only meant I was going the wrong way. Desperately seeking to get back into marital bliss, I started exploring and reading about those areas of challenge. I also reached out to counselors and began to see what I was missing.
After a surprising move into relationship study, I have found peace of mind and happy with my marriage. I have authored the book Are you ready? Marriage expectation versus realty to share my experience and encourage men and women to work on their
marriages, by seeking knowledge and apply it to their marriage relationship.
My latest book, Are you ready? Marriage expectation versus reality focuses on discovering some of the unrealistic expectations we bring into a marriage. It comes with practical advice and a guide on how to get it right before and after getting married. You can also preorder the book here
